A Family Way
Author: shaggydogstail
Title: A Family Way
Pairing: Ten/Romana
Rating: PG-13
Description: It was a perfectly simple mistake. Could have happened to anyone. It wasn't really the Doctor's fault at all.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. Not mine, no profit.
The Doctor grinned at Romana, wriggling in his trainers with so much unabashed glee, it was all he could do to pay attention to what she was saying, and pass the sonic screwdriver when directed. Quite often the Doctor didn't manage it and Romana told him off for being a useless daydreaming simpleton, but that just made the Doctor wriggle more than ever.
Oh, but it was good to have her back. Brilliant. The Doctor thanked his lucky, lucky stars for the billions-to-one chance that had allowed Romana to be saved from the terrible fate of, well, of being blown up by the Doctor actually. All that mucking about with reality by both sides in the Time War had produced various loops, wobbles and kinks in the fabric of time and space, scooping people up from one time and place, then randomly dropping them out in another. Which was how Romanadvoratrelundar, Lady President of the High Council of Time Lords, War Queen of Gallifrey, Defender of Time and general all-round clever-clogs had gone from making a terribly brave and impressive speech at a Dalek eye-stalk one moment, to landing head-first in the middle of Cardiff Bay the next.
Romana herself wasn't best pleased about being swallowed up and then burped out by the universe, but the Doctor was happy enough for both of them. Delighted. Ecstatic. Pleased as Punch and happy enough for an entire universe of bizarrely reunited old friends. The only tiny fly in the ointment was that he'd missed the chance to save Romana himself - the Doctor was all set to dive in to the bay and swim out to rescue her, which would have been lovely and dramatic and probably would have made Romana terribly pleased and grateful. She might not have felt the need to shout at him so much when she caught him following her around and waiting outside every time she went to the toilet. Unfortunately for the Doctor, Harkness had been there as well, trying to play the hero and there had been some... unpleasantness. By the time the Doctor had finished scrapping with Jack, Romana had swum to safety and was on her way indoors to borrow Tosh's hairdryer.
Still, no matter. Romana was back now, alive and well, and the Doctor didn't think there was anything he'd rather be doing than travelling with the loveliest Time Lady in all existence. (Technically Romana was the only Time Lady in all existence, of course, but the Doctor was sure she'd be the loveliest even if there were millions of them.) He could sit and listen to her talking for hours - well, not listen as such, more gaze at her with a soppy, puppy-like expression of adoration on his face while he thought about how lovely she was. All pretty and clever and brilliant and Romana-y and lovely. Ahh.
'So, what do you think?'
'Huh?' The Doctor was shaken out of his reverie by the realisation that Romana was asking him a question. Luckily for him she carried on talking and didn't seem to notice that he was staring at her with his mouth hanging open like a recently-concussed fish.
'Obviously I'd have to follow your lead, as you've done it before, but I'm sure I'll learn the ropes quickly enough.' Romana smiled the loveliest smile in all the universe. 'A joint project would focus our intellects nicely and, although it's super to see you again, I do think the TARDIS feels a little empty with just the two of us.'
It took a moment for that to sink in.
'Do you mean you want to... start a family?' The Doctor hardly dared believe it.
Romana smiled her lovely and oh-so-gloriously Romana-ish smile again. 'I wouldn't put it in such sentimental terms myself, but I suppose you could say that.'
The Doctor very nearly became the first-ever victim of Spontaneous Gallifreyan Explosion Syndrome. Romana wanted babies! Time Tots! With him. Oh, he must have done something very, very wonderful in a previous regeneration to get this lucky, although for the life of him he couldn't imagine what it was. Romana! Babies! Romana-and-Doctor babies with adorable little baby-faces and cute little baby tummies and chubby baby knees. And noses! Time Tots always had such adorable little button noses, and Romana's babies would have the cutest noses of all.
It was a lucky thing that it took the Doctor a few extra moments to realise that if they were going to make babies, he would actually get to have sex with Romana, or he would actually have exploded. As it was he merely fell on the floor with excitement.
'Doctor, are you all right? I do hope you're not ill,' said Romana as she helped him to his feet.
Aw, she was so kind, Romana. So kind and lovely. She'd make a smashing mummy, the Doctor decided. He had a brief, and rather charming vision of Romana using röntgen radiation blocks and rusks to teach quantum engineering to a rosy-cheeked child. (This was followed by a less charming vision of Romana lecturing the little scamp about bowel control and scolding the Doctor for leaving the baby in a different time stream when she sent him out to buy nappies, but he banished it from his mind immediately.)
'All right?' said the Doctor, getting his bounce back. 'Of course I'm all right! Better than all right, I'm brilliant! Never better!'
'Are you quite sure about that?'
'Absolutely!' The Doctor beamed another face-splitting grin and embraced Romana, picking her up and twirling her around. 'I think it's the most utterly wonderful idea ever. Brilliant. You're brilliant, my lovely, lovely Romana.'
'Ah, thank you,' said Romana. Her smile was more like someone indulging a hyped-up toddler. 'I don't see the need to get quite so excited, though.'
The Doctor thought he'd need to be at least a bit excited if they were going to make babies. It wouldn't work otherwise. Although... yes, Romana was probably right. If he got too excited that wouldn't work either. That would be... messy. And embarrassing.
And just then the Doctor realised that Romana was talking to him again. Something about... equipment? Yeah, he really should have been paying attention to that, shouldn't he? (He couldn't think about Romana and handcuffs. He really couldn't. Mustn't. He might die.) And something about going somewhere...
'My room,' the Doctor interrupted suddenly. 'It's quite comfy and, er, I only changed the sheets last Tuesday.'
Romana gave him A Look. It was one of those looks she gave to people when she thought they had quite lost their minds, but oughtn't be upset for fear of causing lasting psychological damage. She'd been looking at the Doctor like that quite a lot lately.
'I'm sure it's splendid,' she said, 'but there'll be more room in the laboratory. Why don't you go on and set things up, and I'll join you in a couple of minutes when I've welded the cover back onto the Dimensional Tracking Recorder?'
'Whatever you say,' agreed the Doctor, and he scampered off to do as he was told.
It was a bit odd, though, Romana wanting to Do It in the lab. Come to think of it, the Doctor wasn't entirely sure that the TARDIS still had a laboratory or where it was. He hardly knew where anything was since Romana had completely remodelled the place, a project that he had agreed to partly to make up for jettisoning her old room all those years ago and partly to avoid coming up with an answer to Romana's oh-so patient enquiries about why he went to all the trouble of building a new Zero Room only to use it for airing laundry.
Perhaps she had a test tube fetish? Well, the Doctor would be more than happy to indulge it if that was what it took, and to go along with any dressing up in white lab coats that might be required. Truth be told, the Doctor was prepared to go along with pretty much any kink Romana might suggest, so long as it meant he got to shag her. He just hoped it wouldn't involve Bunsen burners. Or IVF. Oh, that would be a disappointment. The Doctor shook his head - no, Romana wouldn't do that to him; she might be a bit harsh sometimes, but she wasn't cruel.
The lab was easy enough to find, by following the signs marked 'laboratory' that Romana had stuck on various walls along the way. The Doctor skipped merrily along, nursing a secret hope that when Romana said 'laboratory' she was using it as a secret code word for 'Sumptuous Boudoir of Love' and that it he'd find himself in a room with a mirrored ceiling, four-poster bed with satin sheets, and a cupboard full of highly-polished riding crops.
Sadly Romana hadn't seen fit to install a Sumptuous Boudoir of Love (or if she had, she wasn't telling the Doctor about it) and the laboratory turned out to be just that. It was a very nice laboratory as laboratories go, kitted out with all manner of scientific gadgets, but still. It wasn't exactly romantic. The Doctor tried very hard to ignore his surroundings, and the peculiar sense of foreboding that Romana might cut him up with a scalpel that they gave him, and instead concentrated on preparing himself for the Epic Act of Love.
Was he shaggably hygienic? A quick underarm sniff revealed nothing untoward and he was able to find something shiny to check his teeth for stray bits of broccoli. All clear. Only one question remained - should he give his cock a quick wash in the sink or not? Hm, on reflection, maybe not; he'd probably end up splashing water so it looked like he'd wet himself, or Romana would arrive just has he was rinsing his knob. Either way, it would all be horribly embarrassing and unlikely to make her hot for him. Which reminded the Doctor that he probably should sneak a quick peek inside his trousers.
Oh, shit.
He was wearing Y-fronts. Saggy ones. Lilac saggy Y-fronts. Lilac saggy Y-fronts with a picture of a tiger on them. (Donna's idea of an amusing gift.)
The Doctor died a little inside.
He could not let Romana see him in lilac saggy Y-fronts with a picture of a tiger on them, he just couldn't. Romana would laugh and might decide not to have sex with him after all. The Doctor had waited 400 years for this opportunity and he was not going to risk letting it slip away from him because of a pair of novelty tiger pants.
There was nothing else for it, the Doctor decided. He'd have to get naked before Romana arrived. Hastily, he tore off his clothes, making sure to hide the offending underpants behind some test tubes, and was tugging off his left sock when he heard footsteps along the corridor outside. There was just enough time for the Doctor to jump up on the bench and arrange himself into an alluring position before the door opened.
'Hello, Romana.'
'Doctor.' Romana blinked. 'You're naked.'
'And ready,' said the Doctor, licking his lips in what he was sure was a seductive manner.
'Ready? Are you about to take a bath?'
'Not unless you want to have some bubbly fun,' the Doctor told her. 'I could scrub your back for you.'
There was a pause, during which the Doctor started to realise that everything was going a bit horribly wrong. Romana didn't look hot for him at all - she looked confused, and slightly horrified. Had she changed her mind? Did he really look that unappealing naked?
'Doctor,' said Romana at last, 'would you mind explaining to me why, after we arranged to meet here to start work on a new model of K-9, you decided to discard your clothing and drape yourself over my nice clean workbench?'
The Doctor wilted. Romana didn't want to make babies with him at all, she just wanted a new robot dog. It was one of the greater disappointments life had offered him.
'Er,' he said. 'I, um... that is, when you said... ah, families... um, bit of... um... miscommunication or er...'
He trailed off, wondering where a loop in the fabric of time and space that would swallow you up and deposit you on the other side of the universe was when you needed one.
'Let me get this straight,' said Romana slowly. 'When I told you I wanted to build K-9 again, you went off into one of your little daydreams and somehow got it into your head that I was asking you to impregnate me?'
Well, when she said it like that, it sounded ridiculous. Come to think of it, the Doctor did vaguely recall Romana saying something about the TARDIS not being the same with K-9, only he'd been too busy contemplating how lovely her left eyebrow was at the time to pay any attention. Lovely Romana and her lovely, lovely eyebrows.
She was raising an eyebrow as she looked at the Doctor. Possibly she expected him to Explain Himself.
'Er...' The Doctor squirmed. 'So you don't want babies?'
'Not right at this moment, no.'
It was all terribly humiliating. The Doctor really wished he'd kept his clothes on - even the tiger pants wouldn't have been this embarrassing.
'I suppose I'd better get dressed,' he said. 'Since there isn't going to be any, er, shagging.'
Romana appeared to consider the point very carefully. She smiled.
'Now, Doctor,' she said. 'Let's not be hasty.'
FIN
Originally posted to my journal on 24th January 2008
Title: A Family Way
Pairing: Ten/Romana
Rating: PG-13
Description: It was a perfectly simple mistake. Could have happened to anyone. It wasn't really the Doctor's fault at all.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. Not mine, no profit.
The Doctor grinned at Romana, wriggling in his trainers with so much unabashed glee, it was all he could do to pay attention to what she was saying, and pass the sonic screwdriver when directed. Quite often the Doctor didn't manage it and Romana told him off for being a useless daydreaming simpleton, but that just made the Doctor wriggle more than ever.
Oh, but it was good to have her back. Brilliant. The Doctor thanked his lucky, lucky stars for the billions-to-one chance that had allowed Romana to be saved from the terrible fate of, well, of being blown up by the Doctor actually. All that mucking about with reality by both sides in the Time War had produced various loops, wobbles and kinks in the fabric of time and space, scooping people up from one time and place, then randomly dropping them out in another. Which was how Romanadvoratrelundar, Lady President of the High Council of Time Lords, War Queen of Gallifrey, Defender of Time and general all-round clever-clogs had gone from making a terribly brave and impressive speech at a Dalek eye-stalk one moment, to landing head-first in the middle of Cardiff Bay the next.
Romana herself wasn't best pleased about being swallowed up and then burped out by the universe, but the Doctor was happy enough for both of them. Delighted. Ecstatic. Pleased as Punch and happy enough for an entire universe of bizarrely reunited old friends. The only tiny fly in the ointment was that he'd missed the chance to save Romana himself - the Doctor was all set to dive in to the bay and swim out to rescue her, which would have been lovely and dramatic and probably would have made Romana terribly pleased and grateful. She might not have felt the need to shout at him so much when she caught him following her around and waiting outside every time she went to the toilet. Unfortunately for the Doctor, Harkness had been there as well, trying to play the hero and there had been some... unpleasantness. By the time the Doctor had finished scrapping with Jack, Romana had swum to safety and was on her way indoors to borrow Tosh's hairdryer.
Still, no matter. Romana was back now, alive and well, and the Doctor didn't think there was anything he'd rather be doing than travelling with the loveliest Time Lady in all existence. (Technically Romana was the only Time Lady in all existence, of course, but the Doctor was sure she'd be the loveliest even if there were millions of them.) He could sit and listen to her talking for hours - well, not listen as such, more gaze at her with a soppy, puppy-like expression of adoration on his face while he thought about how lovely she was. All pretty and clever and brilliant and Romana-y and lovely. Ahh.
'So, what do you think?'
'Huh?' The Doctor was shaken out of his reverie by the realisation that Romana was asking him a question. Luckily for him she carried on talking and didn't seem to notice that he was staring at her with his mouth hanging open like a recently-concussed fish.
'Obviously I'd have to follow your lead, as you've done it before, but I'm sure I'll learn the ropes quickly enough.' Romana smiled the loveliest smile in all the universe. 'A joint project would focus our intellects nicely and, although it's super to see you again, I do think the TARDIS feels a little empty with just the two of us.'
It took a moment for that to sink in.
'Do you mean you want to... start a family?' The Doctor hardly dared believe it.
Romana smiled her lovely and oh-so-gloriously Romana-ish smile again. 'I wouldn't put it in such sentimental terms myself, but I suppose you could say that.'
The Doctor very nearly became the first-ever victim of Spontaneous Gallifreyan Explosion Syndrome. Romana wanted babies! Time Tots! With him. Oh, he must have done something very, very wonderful in a previous regeneration to get this lucky, although for the life of him he couldn't imagine what it was. Romana! Babies! Romana-and-Doctor babies with adorable little baby-faces and cute little baby tummies and chubby baby knees. And noses! Time Tots always had such adorable little button noses, and Romana's babies would have the cutest noses of all.
It was a lucky thing that it took the Doctor a few extra moments to realise that if they were going to make babies, he would actually get to have sex with Romana, or he would actually have exploded. As it was he merely fell on the floor with excitement.
'Doctor, are you all right? I do hope you're not ill,' said Romana as she helped him to his feet.
Aw, she was so kind, Romana. So kind and lovely. She'd make a smashing mummy, the Doctor decided. He had a brief, and rather charming vision of Romana using röntgen radiation blocks and rusks to teach quantum engineering to a rosy-cheeked child. (This was followed by a less charming vision of Romana lecturing the little scamp about bowel control and scolding the Doctor for leaving the baby in a different time stream when she sent him out to buy nappies, but he banished it from his mind immediately.)
'All right?' said the Doctor, getting his bounce back. 'Of course I'm all right! Better than all right, I'm brilliant! Never better!'
'Are you quite sure about that?'
'Absolutely!' The Doctor beamed another face-splitting grin and embraced Romana, picking her up and twirling her around. 'I think it's the most utterly wonderful idea ever. Brilliant. You're brilliant, my lovely, lovely Romana.'
'Ah, thank you,' said Romana. Her smile was more like someone indulging a hyped-up toddler. 'I don't see the need to get quite so excited, though.'
The Doctor thought he'd need to be at least a bit excited if they were going to make babies. It wouldn't work otherwise. Although... yes, Romana was probably right. If he got too excited that wouldn't work either. That would be... messy. And embarrassing.
And just then the Doctor realised that Romana was talking to him again. Something about... equipment? Yeah, he really should have been paying attention to that, shouldn't he? (He couldn't think about Romana and handcuffs. He really couldn't. Mustn't. He might die.) And something about going somewhere...
'My room,' the Doctor interrupted suddenly. 'It's quite comfy and, er, I only changed the sheets last Tuesday.'
Romana gave him A Look. It was one of those looks she gave to people when she thought they had quite lost their minds, but oughtn't be upset for fear of causing lasting psychological damage. She'd been looking at the Doctor like that quite a lot lately.
'I'm sure it's splendid,' she said, 'but there'll be more room in the laboratory. Why don't you go on and set things up, and I'll join you in a couple of minutes when I've welded the cover back onto the Dimensional Tracking Recorder?'
'Whatever you say,' agreed the Doctor, and he scampered off to do as he was told.
It was a bit odd, though, Romana wanting to Do It in the lab. Come to think of it, the Doctor wasn't entirely sure that the TARDIS still had a laboratory or where it was. He hardly knew where anything was since Romana had completely remodelled the place, a project that he had agreed to partly to make up for jettisoning her old room all those years ago and partly to avoid coming up with an answer to Romana's oh-so patient enquiries about why he went to all the trouble of building a new Zero Room only to use it for airing laundry.
Perhaps she had a test tube fetish? Well, the Doctor would be more than happy to indulge it if that was what it took, and to go along with any dressing up in white lab coats that might be required. Truth be told, the Doctor was prepared to go along with pretty much any kink Romana might suggest, so long as it meant he got to shag her. He just hoped it wouldn't involve Bunsen burners. Or IVF. Oh, that would be a disappointment. The Doctor shook his head - no, Romana wouldn't do that to him; she might be a bit harsh sometimes, but she wasn't cruel.
The lab was easy enough to find, by following the signs marked 'laboratory' that Romana had stuck on various walls along the way. The Doctor skipped merrily along, nursing a secret hope that when Romana said 'laboratory' she was using it as a secret code word for 'Sumptuous Boudoir of Love' and that it he'd find himself in a room with a mirrored ceiling, four-poster bed with satin sheets, and a cupboard full of highly-polished riding crops.
Sadly Romana hadn't seen fit to install a Sumptuous Boudoir of Love (or if she had, she wasn't telling the Doctor about it) and the laboratory turned out to be just that. It was a very nice laboratory as laboratories go, kitted out with all manner of scientific gadgets, but still. It wasn't exactly romantic. The Doctor tried very hard to ignore his surroundings, and the peculiar sense of foreboding that Romana might cut him up with a scalpel that they gave him, and instead concentrated on preparing himself for the Epic Act of Love.
Was he shaggably hygienic? A quick underarm sniff revealed nothing untoward and he was able to find something shiny to check his teeth for stray bits of broccoli. All clear. Only one question remained - should he give his cock a quick wash in the sink or not? Hm, on reflection, maybe not; he'd probably end up splashing water so it looked like he'd wet himself, or Romana would arrive just has he was rinsing his knob. Either way, it would all be horribly embarrassing and unlikely to make her hot for him. Which reminded the Doctor that he probably should sneak a quick peek inside his trousers.
Oh, shit.
He was wearing Y-fronts. Saggy ones. Lilac saggy Y-fronts. Lilac saggy Y-fronts with a picture of a tiger on them. (Donna's idea of an amusing gift.)
The Doctor died a little inside.
He could not let Romana see him in lilac saggy Y-fronts with a picture of a tiger on them, he just couldn't. Romana would laugh and might decide not to have sex with him after all. The Doctor had waited 400 years for this opportunity and he was not going to risk letting it slip away from him because of a pair of novelty tiger pants.
There was nothing else for it, the Doctor decided. He'd have to get naked before Romana arrived. Hastily, he tore off his clothes, making sure to hide the offending underpants behind some test tubes, and was tugging off his left sock when he heard footsteps along the corridor outside. There was just enough time for the Doctor to jump up on the bench and arrange himself into an alluring position before the door opened.
'Hello, Romana.'
'Doctor.' Romana blinked. 'You're naked.'
'And ready,' said the Doctor, licking his lips in what he was sure was a seductive manner.
'Ready? Are you about to take a bath?'
'Not unless you want to have some bubbly fun,' the Doctor told her. 'I could scrub your back for you.'
There was a pause, during which the Doctor started to realise that everything was going a bit horribly wrong. Romana didn't look hot for him at all - she looked confused, and slightly horrified. Had she changed her mind? Did he really look that unappealing naked?
'Doctor,' said Romana at last, 'would you mind explaining to me why, after we arranged to meet here to start work on a new model of K-9, you decided to discard your clothing and drape yourself over my nice clean workbench?'
The Doctor wilted. Romana didn't want to make babies with him at all, she just wanted a new robot dog. It was one of the greater disappointments life had offered him.
'Er,' he said. 'I, um... that is, when you said... ah, families... um, bit of... um... miscommunication or er...'
He trailed off, wondering where a loop in the fabric of time and space that would swallow you up and deposit you on the other side of the universe was when you needed one.
'Let me get this straight,' said Romana slowly. 'When I told you I wanted to build K-9 again, you went off into one of your little daydreams and somehow got it into your head that I was asking you to impregnate me?'
Well, when she said it like that, it sounded ridiculous. Come to think of it, the Doctor did vaguely recall Romana saying something about the TARDIS not being the same with K-9, only he'd been too busy contemplating how lovely her left eyebrow was at the time to pay any attention. Lovely Romana and her lovely, lovely eyebrows.
She was raising an eyebrow as she looked at the Doctor. Possibly she expected him to Explain Himself.
'Er...' The Doctor squirmed. 'So you don't want babies?'
'Not right at this moment, no.'
It was all terribly humiliating. The Doctor really wished he'd kept his clothes on - even the tiger pants wouldn't have been this embarrassing.
'I suppose I'd better get dressed,' he said. 'Since there isn't going to be any, er, shagging.'
Romana appeared to consider the point very carefully. She smiled.
'Now, Doctor,' she said. 'Let's not be hasty.'
FIN
Originally posted to my journal on 24th January 2008