Fic: A Candle Put Out by Sopdetly

[shaggydog_mod]

Title: A Candle Put Out
Username: sopdetly
Art: " The Same Boat" by epithalamium
Word Count: ~2,400
Rating: PG-13
Contains: *angst, a growing sense of doom, nudity*
Summary: Now they hadn't had sex in months, and Sirius knew he pulled away from Remus in his sleep, when they managed to sleep in bed together.
Notes/comments: It's been a while since writing a fic

Comments

[brighty18]

When I first saw this exquisite piece of art I fell in love with it. There is such a quiet beauty to it, like a beautiful yet mundane moment captured forever. epithalamium and I have discussed many times how the true beauty of life lies in the moments between the moments, the times when nothing happens, but we simply live our lives truly and unabashedly. You render this feeling perfectly in your story. In fact, you even brilliantly term it as a non-conversation. Heartbreaking as this was to read it was astoundingly perfect both in terms of the art and in terms of their relationship.

The whole piece was embued with such a lovely sense of quiet, and, though their relationship was clearly falling apart, it wasn’t an unsettling quiet at all. Instead, it was the inevitable, familiar quiet of deterioration. Remus kissed Sirius's temple softly. "I drew a bath," he said, letting his invitation hang between them unspoken. More and more was unspoken between them these days, and while Sirius first thought that it was a sign of their strength, by now he was sure that the opposite was true. That went unspoken, too. That’s just it, there was so much that really was unspoken. And yet, though your beautiful words and images, it was spoken louder than shouting. The heat of the water made Sirius drowsy, but as he didn't want to sleep he kept touching Remus under the water, running his fingers over the limbs that found their way to his lap. Remus reveled in the soft touches, eyelashes fluttering as he became aroused under the water. He seemed content to simply exist in that state, and made no move to take the quiet evening to another place. Grateful for that, Sirius made a silent promise to stay with Remus until Remus was pruned and ready to get out, even though Sirius always got restless in the bath after ten minutes. Back when it all started, he'd start to work a seduction plan once bored and move them to the bed with relative ease, not even bothering to dry them off, and they'd laugh and say how glad they were to not be Muggles before cleaning and drying the sheets with their wands and collapsing into sleep, entwined in each other. Good lord, that nearly killed me.

I think what impressed me most was that this was how most relationships really do end, not in a fiery shouting match, but in the slow, sad silence. It killed me how they really knew each other so much - even admitted it - and still lacked the ability (or motivation) to actually so something about it. The protest was on the tip of Sirius's lips, but he could not speak it. It was true enough, and he hated himself for it. Hated Remus a little bit for knowing it, too. He wished it wasn't so, because he felt certain that if only he could stop his brain from constantly thinking, from always trying to figure things out, then perhaps right now he could feel happy with Remus, instead of despising himself for feeling affection towards someone he couldn't entirely trust no matter how much he felt like he should. In fact, that very act of knowing seemed to be what was tearing them apart. And that’s brilliant and very real. Sadly, too many relationships end because of such failings.

I loved how gorgeously you illustrated the very inaction that prevented them from actually working things out. Looking back at the art, I can actually see the separation that I never did before. Remus smoking away, Sirius engrossed in his book. The latter, though he may have been stroking Remus’ ankle under the water was barely able to express that same need in words. It brilliantly echoed everything else that went around in this story. Affection given out of sight, as always. It wasn't fair to Remus, who deserved someone who would love him openly, but Sirius-brash and unashamed as he was about wrestling or hugging his mates-had started the relationship as a secret from the world, and the hidden touches had become habit. Not talking, not facing the real and physical problems of their world, but simply existing, cruising along in semi-silence until it all falls apart. It kills me to think of it, but it was exquisitely and realistically rendered.

Bravo, my dear. I may be tearing up now, but bravo! Rec;d here: http://brighty18.livejournal.com/650324.html

[sopdetly]

Thank you so much for this lovely feedback. You set me blushing! I'm just pleased that I could evoke such emotions in you as a reader. :)