Murray, Cusack, and Belushi to join Cubs ownership?
http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/chi-tue-cubs-0519-may19,0,3687209.story
Apparently Tom Ricketts, the potential buyer approved by MLB but short on funds, met with Bill Murray, John Cusak, and and James Belushi to discuss partnering with him to raise the $900 million needed to purchase the Cubs.
I found this transcript of the meeting:
Ricketts: I'm glad you all responded to my letter. I'm sure you've all heard about my efforts to raise the capital to buy the Cubs franchise. As public Cubs fans with resources at your disposal, I wanted to meet with the three of you and sound out your inclinations.
Is it fair to say that I've captured your interest?
Murray: That's a fact, Jack.
Ricketts: Actually, it's Tom. Okay, let's get right to brass tacks: money. The way I see it, the three of you stand to gain something from a business relationship with the Cubs that goes beyond money.
Murray: My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.
Ricketts: Well, okay, thanks Bill, but I'm not sure how that applies. Um, let me ask you John - think about it, what do you want more than anything, as a sports fan?
Cusack: I am looking for a "dare to be great" situation.
Ricketts: That's what I'm talking about! Bill, given the choice between money and happiness, what do you say?
Murray: I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Ricketts: Uh, not sure what you mean, you're saying you met the Dalai Lama? Wow, what was that like?
Murray: A thousand people freezing their butts off, waiting to worship a rat.
Ricketts: Whoa, okay... Moving on. John, I think this is exactly that "dare to be great" situation. I mean, is being an actor all you ever wanted to do?
Cusack: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
Ricketts: I don't think we're talking about any of those things, investing in the Cubs is more the role I have in mind for you rather than actually buying. What I'm saying is, end of the day, what do you want to do with your life?
Cusack: What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it.
Ricketts: EXCUSE ME? What did you just say???
Murray: Ever hear of Tourette's Syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?
Ricketts: Oh. I'm ... sorry, I guess.
Cusack: It's a very odd thing. It's supernatural for lack of a better word. I mean, it raises all sorts of philosophical type questions, you know, about the nature of self, about the existence of a soul. You know, am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich?
Murray: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
Ricketts: Yeah, um, right, and I'm an entrepreneur trying to talk business with you three...
Murray: No, you're a hallucination, brought on by alcohol! Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl!
Belushi: Excuse me! Pardon me, beg your pardon, if you two kids would stop singing for just a moment I've got something I want to discuss with you.
Ricketts: Thank goodness, please, Jim, go ahead.
Belushi: Me and the guys at the home office have been following this plant of yours. We've come up with one incredible idea. We're very proud of it. Picture this: we take leaf cuttings, develop little Audrey IIs and sell them to florist shops across the nation. Pretty soon every household in America could have one.
Ricketts: What the hell are you talking about?!?
Murray: Little Shop?
Cusack: He was in Little Shop?
Ricketts: Can we please get back to the business at hand? John, you've shown yourself to be a huge Cubs fan over the years. If you had an opportunity to be a part of the Cubs organization, in the thick of a pennant race, what would you say?
Cusack: I'm going to race. I'm going to lose. And, I'm going to die.
Ricketts: Not exactly what I was looking for. Okay, Bill, how about you: what happens if you get to take an active hand in the Cubs destiny?
Murray: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...
Ricketts: Who's talking about killing golfers? And it's Tom.
Murrary: To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint......They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong.
Belushi: You remember the movie Old Yeller? You remember when they shot him in the end? I didn't cry! Now come on!
Cusack: Any idea?
Murray: Must be one of the K9's.
Ricketts: Bill, did you have a point at all?
Murray: I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.
Ricketts: Okay, not sure, but I think we can twist that into something Marketing could use... Let's talk about what we all really want here: A Cubs championship. Can you imagine what this town would be like the day after?
Murray: Riots in the streets, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
Ricketts: Exactly! And you three would be at the center of all of it! I believe the three of you have something in common that can help make that happen, that can help the Cubs win it all.
Murray: There is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist as Cubs fans. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us.
And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!
Ricketts: Well, this didn't exactly go as planned. I'm afraid this meeting is over gentlemen.
Belushi: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Ricketts: Germans?
Cusack: Forget it, he's rolling.
Murray: Jeez, Jim, that was your brother's! Let's get out of here.
Cusack: And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. It hurts me to know it's out there. Later.
Belushi: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Murray: Way to go Jim, that's not even your brother, it's Akroyd, moron. C'mon John, let's split.
Belushi: I'm gonna let you guys do what you guys gotta do. Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna go home, make a little macaroni and cheese, seal the windows, and turn on the gas.
Ricketts: About Last Night! Now there's a good movie.