Ignore this, oh please
really, why did I just take the money without thinking?
I feel like some cheap whore that he just paid off... but I'm so poor....
I'd rather he'd pay me back some other way or just not at all. I hate that I'm so attracted to him when I'll never ever see him basically at all, especially since I think his friends don't really like me though we've sort of always hung out on and off since our freshman year. And that also makes me sad because I think they're very cool people. Otherwise I wouldn't hang out with them at all. hah. I really really want to hang out with them again tomorrow, but it probably won't happen because I don't think I was invited. Surprise, surprise. Way to make things awkward. damn it.
It's also completely unfair because I feel like I have to hide my real self and thoughts and mannerisms when I'm around him or talk to him and no one ever has such a profound effect on me that it actually makes me subconsciously change myself! That so doesn't happen, I'd rather act like a fool than pretend to be cool and nonchalant. I mean like he actually gets upset when two people in a movie don't end up getting together when they clearly should be together at the very least in the end! And that's always how I've felt! I'm way too much of a romantic to ever be okay with anything but death. I mean like, I thrive off of movies like "Eternal sunshine"! Where it seems like they won't get together, but then just decide to fucking give it a try in the end. Freaking all I want is a chance to give it a try! But anyway, he was all like frustrated at "Lost in Translation" because they never get together in the end...and I said "oh I think some people are not meant to be together." WTF. I've never thought that about that movie. I in fact get incredibly frustrated when two people who clearly like each other a lot do NOTHING. ugh. And on AIM I seriously restrain myself from saying "like" and laughing after every line so that I sound more intelligent. I have never done that,even with guys more intelligent than he is!
gah I was just reading through some of my high school livejournal entries. and I feel like I'm in high school again, except without a boyfriend and completely single, alone, and sad. I love that I got the internship in Baltimore (it's seriously the best thing to happen to me all year) but I'm very much of the mindset that I'm not completely fulfilled until I have someone to love me unconditionally and me to love them back without either person constraining the other in any way.
So I bought green nail polish, and hopefully that will make everything better.
I feel like some cheap whore that he just paid off... but I'm so poor....
I'd rather he'd pay me back some other way or just not at all. I hate that I'm so attracted to him when I'll never ever see him basically at all, especially since I think his friends don't really like me though we've sort of always hung out on and off since our freshman year. And that also makes me sad because I think they're very cool people. Otherwise I wouldn't hang out with them at all. hah. I really really want to hang out with them again tomorrow, but it probably won't happen because I don't think I was invited. Surprise, surprise. Way to make things awkward. damn it.
It's also completely unfair because I feel like I have to hide my real self and thoughts and mannerisms when I'm around him or talk to him and no one ever has such a profound effect on me that it actually makes me subconsciously change myself! That so doesn't happen, I'd rather act like a fool than pretend to be cool and nonchalant. I mean like he actually gets upset when two people in a movie don't end up getting together when they clearly should be together at the very least in the end! And that's always how I've felt! I'm way too much of a romantic to ever be okay with anything but death. I mean like, I thrive off of movies like "Eternal sunshine"! Where it seems like they won't get together, but then just decide to fucking give it a try in the end. Freaking all I want is a chance to give it a try! But anyway, he was all like frustrated at "Lost in Translation" because they never get together in the end...and I said "oh I think some people are not meant to be together." WTF. I've never thought that about that movie. I in fact get incredibly frustrated when two people who clearly like each other a lot do NOTHING. ugh. And on AIM I seriously restrain myself from saying "like" and laughing after every line so that I sound more intelligent. I have never done that,even with guys more intelligent than he is!
gah I was just reading through some of my high school livejournal entries. and I feel like I'm in high school again, except without a boyfriend and completely single, alone, and sad. I love that I got the internship in Baltimore (it's seriously the best thing to happen to me all year) but I'm very much of the mindset that I'm not completely fulfilled until I have someone to love me unconditionally and me to love them back without either person constraining the other in any way.
So I bought green nail polish, and hopefully that will make everything better.