the difference in medication

[shaesinister]

i remember what it was like
fetal position
blank head
tear duct open faucet vomit
the sun bleeding through
the blinds of the window
the silence

no paint, no fuel, no art, no body
just the ethereal guitar
and humming
the silent strings
humming
vibrating in the eternal morning
humming
the sound bowl
an architect of self-doubt
the atonal chord
the stillness
the humming

and now
i pour myself a glass of tomorrows
and drink to the brand new textbooks
to come into myself fully
and leave with the good

i want to leave behind something
to make the world a better place
and i know that will take
so
much
time
to heal
what i have damaged

i try to forget the bed bugs
i try to forget the pain and fear
the sensation of agonal respiration
even
the obliteration of consciousness
the altered state of reality
is a world i need no part in
give me my fantasy
make me a super-hero
i will save lives
i will get the girl
i will not be jaded.
i will not feel bad
about missing your funeral
or not being there
when the plunger moved down
so slowly
and yet too quickly
goodbye
i barely knew thee
it's time for class
it's time to sing, to dance,
to write a poem to commemorate
the moment.
the moment is friday, 1:30 PM
unemployed, not looking for work,
considering some one else's money
considering the medication
the numb
the denial of the animal instinct

it's time to look up
just look

awe
a blue sky
the distant sound of the freeway
a murder of crows