Random Rants from a Lonely Buckeye
As a man sitting here with a Bachelors Degree in History I find it only appropriate that I add some comments about this weekends first battle with the land of michgan.
First and foremost is a short statement I'd like for you to share with others. I spent the last part of my college career analying Ancient Greek Wars, including the Spartans... so allow me to add this tasty lick of information:
"Spartan society was divided into 3 levels. The top being the aristocratic Spartiate, the middle class called the Perioeci, and of course the lowest class: The East Lansingites... Fuck Michgan State.."
Ok Ok so only part of that was actually in my paper, but it's useful none-the-less.
Secondly, so many History majors go on to become career politicians (vomit). While I would never follow this particular path, allow me to honor those who do by submitting my first political proposition. I'm calling it Proposition OH-614 and it breaks down like this:
"Proposition OH-614 requests that any and all "unwhole" states be removed from the Union. Any and all states not named Hawaii that are not completely connected and contained within one continuous border, especially if one section resembles a glove, shall have it's rights and privelages as an U.S. state hereby removed. A divided state is a sign of weakness and will no longer be tolerated in this time as we must show our enemies our strenth and connection."
"Said State(s) are accused of unfairly claming territory that is not theirs to increase football recruitment and create a better team. Such measures have done no good for the United States or said football teams and must be immediately ceased. Repeated attempts to invade nearby states with this weak force of a team is yet another image that the United States can no longer afford to have presented to our enemies."
"State(s) can remain in the Union under these conditions:
-Give up any unconnected lands
-Close all Universities within your own borders for the good of your own children
-Change State name to 'Tresselland'.. since we all know who really owns Michigan.
....oh sorry did we just get too specific?.. FUCK MICHIGAN."
....End Proposition....
So that was the beginning and the end of my short lived political career. However as you can see, America, especially Michgan, really needs a man like me in office for the good of it's own children.
First and foremost is a short statement I'd like for you to share with others. I spent the last part of my college career analying Ancient Greek Wars, including the Spartans... so allow me to add this tasty lick of information:
"Spartan society was divided into 3 levels. The top being the aristocratic Spartiate, the middle class called the Perioeci, and of course the lowest class: The East Lansingites... Fuck Michgan State.."
Ok Ok so only part of that was actually in my paper, but it's useful none-the-less.
Secondly, so many History majors go on to become career politicians (vomit). While I would never follow this particular path, allow me to honor those who do by submitting my first political proposition. I'm calling it Proposition OH-614 and it breaks down like this:
"Proposition OH-614 requests that any and all "unwhole" states be removed from the Union. Any and all states not named Hawaii that are not completely connected and contained within one continuous border, especially if one section resembles a glove, shall have it's rights and privelages as an U.S. state hereby removed. A divided state is a sign of weakness and will no longer be tolerated in this time as we must show our enemies our strenth and connection."
"Said State(s) are accused of unfairly claming territory that is not theirs to increase football recruitment and create a better team. Such measures have done no good for the United States or said football teams and must be immediately ceased. Repeated attempts to invade nearby states with this weak force of a team is yet another image that the United States can no longer afford to have presented to our enemies."
"State(s) can remain in the Union under these conditions:
-Give up any unconnected lands
-Close all Universities within your own borders for the good of your own children
-Change State name to 'Tresselland'.. since we all know who really owns Michigan.
....oh sorry did we just get too specific?.. FUCK MICHIGAN."
....End Proposition....
So that was the beginning and the end of my short lived political career. However as you can see, America, especially Michgan, really needs a man like me in office for the good of it's own children.