No fate but what we make
Well it's October 22nd, and in just a week it will be six months since my birthday and six months til my birthday. But the thing about that is six months ago, on my birthday, a pyschic told me that within six months I would meet someone a woman who would be a huge part of my life in terms of a relationship, and in one week those six months are up, and I've come to realize.... Fate is bullshit.... on a side note I no longer feel the side-effects of the zoloft anymore since I've gotten off, and it's not that I'm being pessimistic again, it's just, I'm tired of waiting... it's the biggest bullshit in life, so much time wasted just waiting to move on from something, someone, or for something or for someone, or until any action can take place, and right now... I feel I know I need to be here, but I just don't want to be here unless I'm having a good time. In the past I had patience like no other, but with only two months left up here, I'm tired of waiting for someone or something to happen. If I make a decision, then was I not supposed to make that decision. If I make a right instead of a left, was it ordained to happen, and was the consequences of my right turn supposed to happen to me, or were both directions leading me to the same place. I believe in fate, or destiny, but I hate it with all my heart now... my therapist says I jump right into the analytical way of thinking quicker than most people, and that it will help me in life, but I don't think it is true... I'm letting out that asshole side of humanity out of myself, but I want to, which is the weird thing, I can't walk life with only half of myself any longer... I wish that I was just ignorant of myself, that I was just an animal, thinking of my own survival and well-being rather than being who I am... I need to have more fun, I need to appreciate humanity in all it's generousity and glory, I need a drink... anyone willing buyers?