(no subject)
I love all of these Republicans who come out of the closet and try to wipe away their past moments of homophobia and the harmful policies they supported (either with vocal consent, or by not speaking out against them).
I do understand where they're coming from. Heck, back in high school and college I was massively messed up when it came with girls. I didn't quite understand who I was or the fact that I sorta wanted to be with the girls and I definitely wanted to date them. It's hard enough for any adolescent to deal with hormones, let alone someone who was also mentally ill and dealing with gender issues.
I'm saying this as an explanation, and NOT an excuse for my unsettling and inexcusable behavior. I would practically stalk the girls I was interested in, it was a benign form of stalking, creepy and pathetic rather than scary (I think/hope), but it was unpleasant.
When I met "cool girls" that didn't like hanging out with me (and who could blame them during those days), I reacted like... Well like a 13 year old girl angry at the popular girls. I didn't understand why I was angry at them, I didn't have a crush on any of them and if they were guys I wouldn't have cared. THEY certainly didn't understand why I was mad them.
Along with all of this, I lashed out with (and here's where the politics come back into play) with a lot of anti-feminist rhetoric because I felt like "feminists" were making me feel bad for being a guy and making me feel like I was creepy because I was interested in girls.
Of course, the reason I felt this had nothing to do with THEM, it was simply because I realized how messed up my relationships with women was, and I didn't know how to change. So, my position was that my behavior was natural, and that some mysterious feminist "They" was making me feel bad about who I was.
In the last few years, where I've become medicated and have figured out who I was, I've been trying to apologize about my behavior, but I'd be lying if I said this at all excused my behavior, or somehow thought that "Hey now we can all be friends and hold hands" or any of that. That's unreasonable, present gestures can not erase the sins of the past.
I'm not saying that I'm still not going to fall into the old habits, my personality is such that when I'm emotionally invested in something I don't do half-measures, but I'm hopeful that I can avoid repeating the mistakes of the past.
I just know that I can't wipe them away with an apology and explanation, and I don't think I would erase them if i could. I wouldn't have got here if I hadn't made them.
I do understand where they're coming from. Heck, back in high school and college I was massively messed up when it came with girls. I didn't quite understand who I was or the fact that I sorta wanted to be with the girls and I definitely wanted to date them. It's hard enough for any adolescent to deal with hormones, let alone someone who was also mentally ill and dealing with gender issues.
I'm saying this as an explanation, and NOT an excuse for my unsettling and inexcusable behavior. I would practically stalk the girls I was interested in, it was a benign form of stalking, creepy and pathetic rather than scary (I think/hope), but it was unpleasant.
When I met "cool girls" that didn't like hanging out with me (and who could blame them during those days), I reacted like... Well like a 13 year old girl angry at the popular girls. I didn't understand why I was angry at them, I didn't have a crush on any of them and if they were guys I wouldn't have cared. THEY certainly didn't understand why I was mad them.
Along with all of this, I lashed out with (and here's where the politics come back into play) with a lot of anti-feminist rhetoric because I felt like "feminists" were making me feel bad for being a guy and making me feel like I was creepy because I was interested in girls.
Of course, the reason I felt this had nothing to do with THEM, it was simply because I realized how messed up my relationships with women was, and I didn't know how to change. So, my position was that my behavior was natural, and that some mysterious feminist "They" was making me feel bad about who I was.
In the last few years, where I've become medicated and have figured out who I was, I've been trying to apologize about my behavior, but I'd be lying if I said this at all excused my behavior, or somehow thought that "Hey now we can all be friends and hold hands" or any of that. That's unreasonable, present gestures can not erase the sins of the past.
I'm not saying that I'm still not going to fall into the old habits, my personality is such that when I'm emotionally invested in something I don't do half-measures, but I'm hopeful that I can avoid repeating the mistakes of the past.
I just know that I can't wipe them away with an apology and explanation, and I don't think I would erase them if i could. I wouldn't have got here if I hadn't made them.