Lonliness Is Killing Me
This past week has been pure hell for me. On Jan. 12, Mom and Dad ( and Alicia ) moved me into my new apartment as best they could, but they couldn't bring everything down all at once, of course. I had to miss all my classes that day because I was too busy moving, and, naturally, I had gotten very little sleep the night before, leaving me hellishly tired.
Then they left.
The place went silent.
God, the only time I ever remember crying so hard in my life was after my Grandpa Ed died. I cried and I cried and I cried. ;_; Then I'd be fine, moving my things around, unpacking, and getting organized, and then something would set me off and I'd burst into tears all over again. Mom and I had made arrangements for internet and unlimited long distance phone, but none of it would kick in until Thursday ( the 15th ), meaning the TV was my only friend for all that time.
Classes were fine. I think I'll do okay. It's actually better than I thought it would be.
But I'll type an entry dealing with that later, because right now I'm too damn sad to think about it.
So anyway, I made due as best I could, and then Friday rolled around and....HAPPY DAY! Mom came with more stuff, and my sister!! ^_^ Alicia stayed with me from Friday until around 3 PM today. It was....almost bliss. We had the whole place to ourselves, of course, and she helped me navigate to the bigass Vancouver Mall, which is made of win, and we had the most lovely time there! I bought a poster feature The Dark Knight's Joker and a new HIM shirt ( Raven sitting on a heartagram ), among other things. Then, because I knew our time together would be short, I did the crazy thing and bought a dark-gray-and-white hooded rat which I promptly named Harvey. :-) Alicia wanted to share him, so we went halfers on all the stuff we'd need for him: tank, food, etc. He is a wonderful rat, still quite young, and simply darling. He doesn't bite at all and will let you pet him however you want, or even hold him, though he tries explore your arms if you do so. He particularly likes to be pet between the eyes and on the snout: he will relax and shut his eyes, as though he is in Heaven. He is the most laid-back, calm rodent I have ever had the fortune of owning, and I am very grateful to have him, especially now.
After our movie nights, nights of fun, nights of bliss, this stupid day had to come, and my family and I parted at Walmart ( we both had stuff we needed to ge there ).
I cried in my car.
I cried on the way home.
I cried as I organized the entertainment-center and loveseat they brought me.
I am crying a little into my coffee even now, as I type this.
We've only been apart a few hours and already I miss her.
Well, I miss all of them to some extent, but by far I miss my sister the most. Who says soulmates have to be lovers? Alicia has by far given me the most joy I've ever had in my life, and I can't stand being away from her, especially since I can never really be sure when I'll next see her again. And people tell me "Hey, you've got the internet, you've got the telephone, etc." but that is a very cheap, very poor substitute to having her here with me. Being away from the others doesn't bother me as much - I can deal, even if I'm not thrilled and find myself missing them a bit from time to time. But when she's gone, it's like I'm cut in half and part of me is dying. It's torture. And for someone who likes her peace and quiet, what I don't like is being completely alone all the time. The phone and internet are great, but they just aren't enough.
So now I've got my entertainment-center situated well enough for tonight, and I am sitting here typing this, and Harvey is chewing that bedding-fluff I bought him a couple of hours ago into a nest. It's too quiet. My coffee doesn't taste as good. And my heart hurts with loss.
In the original plan, Alicia was supposed to move in with me, and we were supposed to go to WSU together. But thanks to one teacher not posting her grade in enough time, WSU didn't accept her until it was to late, so I had to go alone. >.<
There are good days and bad. The worst are whenever they have to leave me.
I am sitting here in my apartment typing, and my only company is a rat.
I think I am going to visit the RPG board my sister got me set up in...I need something, anything.
Yes, I have a little bit of homework, but it can wait. My sanity comes first.
Always first.
Away I go.
Then they left.
The place went silent.
God, the only time I ever remember crying so hard in my life was after my Grandpa Ed died. I cried and I cried and I cried. ;_; Then I'd be fine, moving my things around, unpacking, and getting organized, and then something would set me off and I'd burst into tears all over again. Mom and I had made arrangements for internet and unlimited long distance phone, but none of it would kick in until Thursday ( the 15th ), meaning the TV was my only friend for all that time.
Classes were fine. I think I'll do okay. It's actually better than I thought it would be.
But I'll type an entry dealing with that later, because right now I'm too damn sad to think about it.
So anyway, I made due as best I could, and then Friday rolled around and....HAPPY DAY! Mom came with more stuff, and my sister!! ^_^ Alicia stayed with me from Friday until around 3 PM today. It was....almost bliss. We had the whole place to ourselves, of course, and she helped me navigate to the bigass Vancouver Mall, which is made of win, and we had the most lovely time there! I bought a poster feature The Dark Knight's Joker and a new HIM shirt ( Raven sitting on a heartagram ), among other things. Then, because I knew our time together would be short, I did the crazy thing and bought a dark-gray-and-white hooded rat which I promptly named Harvey. :-) Alicia wanted to share him, so we went halfers on all the stuff we'd need for him: tank, food, etc. He is a wonderful rat, still quite young, and simply darling. He doesn't bite at all and will let you pet him however you want, or even hold him, though he tries explore your arms if you do so. He particularly likes to be pet between the eyes and on the snout: he will relax and shut his eyes, as though he is in Heaven. He is the most laid-back, calm rodent I have ever had the fortune of owning, and I am very grateful to have him, especially now.
After our movie nights, nights of fun, nights of bliss, this stupid day had to come, and my family and I parted at Walmart ( we both had stuff we needed to ge there ).
I cried in my car.
I cried on the way home.
I cried as I organized the entertainment-center and loveseat they brought me.
I am crying a little into my coffee even now, as I type this.
We've only been apart a few hours and already I miss her.
Well, I miss all of them to some extent, but by far I miss my sister the most. Who says soulmates have to be lovers? Alicia has by far given me the most joy I've ever had in my life, and I can't stand being away from her, especially since I can never really be sure when I'll next see her again. And people tell me "Hey, you've got the internet, you've got the telephone, etc." but that is a very cheap, very poor substitute to having her here with me. Being away from the others doesn't bother me as much - I can deal, even if I'm not thrilled and find myself missing them a bit from time to time. But when she's gone, it's like I'm cut in half and part of me is dying. It's torture. And for someone who likes her peace and quiet, what I don't like is being completely alone all the time. The phone and internet are great, but they just aren't enough.
So now I've got my entertainment-center situated well enough for tonight, and I am sitting here typing this, and Harvey is chewing that bedding-fluff I bought him a couple of hours ago into a nest. It's too quiet. My coffee doesn't taste as good. And my heart hurts with loss.
In the original plan, Alicia was supposed to move in with me, and we were supposed to go to WSU together. But thanks to one teacher not posting her grade in enough time, WSU didn't accept her until it was to late, so I had to go alone. >.<
There are good days and bad. The worst are whenever they have to leave me.
I am sitting here in my apartment typing, and my only company is a rat.
I think I am going to visit the RPG board my sister got me set up in...I need something, anything.
Yes, I have a little bit of homework, but it can wait. My sanity comes first.
Always first.
Away I go.