Lucid (HEAVY RAIN)
Lucid
(Post-game.) "You're a good man, Norman. Better than you think. You did so much for me when Shaun was in that warehouse. You believed in me when nearly nobody else did."
Wordcount: 1,423 (one-shot)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Norman/Ethan
Warnings: slash; first time writing HR-fanfic; result of late night muse striking so it could be stupid/weird
Norman stirs, taking in the musky scent of the man lying in bed next to him. He doesn't even need to open his eyes completely to know who is with him. Norman already knows, and he feels safer for it as he lays one hand on the other man's bare chest and the other wrapped around his waist as much as possible.
Norman doesn't usually allow himself to indulge his feelings like this. He's usually too busy with work. Last night though, right now, he just wants to let things go. He wants to admit possibilities of what could be. Most importantly, he wants to make sure that it's going to fine if he takes a moment to himself.
"Is this real?" Norman asks dumbly, the question leaking out his mouth before he can stop it.
"As real as you want it to be, Norman," the other man insists, kissing him on his forehead. Norman can feel the other man's fingers tracing along his spine--even in safety like this he still finds himself flinching as the fingers circle each knot sticking out in his back.
Norman can't help but feel that he is thinking too much in this small frame of time. What should he even be doing right now? Shaun Mars has been rescued, and Ethan Mars's name cleared, but surely there must be some paperwork that had to be filled out at the police station before he headed back to Washington. When Norman gave up on the case of the Origami Killer, he had fled in a hurry after reporting to Captain Perry.
What kind of agent was he supposed to be when he couldn't unweave the story in front of him? Especially to help a man whom he couldn't help but think about?
Norman sighs as he pulls away, rolling on his side with his back to the other man. He feels so insecure, ashamed. Ethan Mars has so many qualities that keep staying with Norman, that refuse to budge. Ethan loved his son so much that he tortured himself, put himself through life staking trials to find him. Ethan had all odds stacked against him--time, weather, memories, pain, police constantly on his tail. Yet despite everything in his way, he rescued his son, and saved a Madison Paige from being shot by the Origami Killer. Ethan had done so much for the people he cared about.
And what had Norman done? He'd just gone around in fucking circles. He searched crime scenes, nearly gotten crushed in a car compactor, stabbed by a sword, yet came out empty handed. He sure as hell wasn't a hero. What worth was he then?
"You're too good to me, Ethan," Norman states, his voice tinged with regret as he rolls back around. The feeling in his stomach sinks even lower as Ethan's blue eyes twinkle at him, a reassuring smile turning the corners of his mouth. Norman can't help but think Ethan looks beautiful, with with bed hair and five o'clock shadow beginning to show itself. Ethan is beautiful inside and out--how does Norman even compare?
"What do you mean?" Ethan asks. The two of them sluggishly sit up, accustomed to being awake.
"I mean...Why do you care about me?"
Ethan shakes his head, frowning as his eyes circle around Norman's ashen looking face.
"You're a good man, Norman. Better than you think. You did so much for me when Shaun was in that warehouse. You believed in me when nearly nobody else did."
"But I wasn't there!" Norman protests, his voice cracking as his fist slams against the blanket. "I-I wasn't there when you needed me the most, Ethan. I don't know if I can forgive myself."
"I found Shaun." Ethan wraps an arm around Norman, holding on tightly. "And he's safe now. That's what matters."
Norman bites his lip, his shoulders feeling stiff. The good memories he made last night with Ethan begin to fade as the negative emotions fill his being. He can feel his bitterness eating away any contentment that he had been soaked in moments ago. "But--"
"Besides, if it weren't for you...I wouldn't have even found Shaun. I would have been in a jail cell while he drowned. That, Norman...that means a lot more to me than you know." Ethan pauses, studying the sun poking through the window shades. "And like I said...Shaun was rescued, and that's what matters."
"What about you, Ethan?" Norman pauses, unsure if it's right for him to continue this topic of conversation. "You still...you still need help." Norman's eyes travels from Ethan's disfigured finger along the bandages on his body. "You went through so much, Ethan...and I wasn't there for half of it...b-but...I want to be there now. I want to be there for you. If you need help, or you need someone to talk to, I want it to be me. It has to be me."
Norman doesn't even care how selfish he sounds right now. how possessive he has become in a matter of seconds. He just wants to make up for everything he wasn't able to do in the past. Maybe he can make up for half the things he missed out on in Ethan's life.
Ethan caresses Norman's cheek, his eyes filled with pity as he whispers.
"It will be you. I promise."
"Do you mean it?" Norman asks, covering up the desperate foundation he has built.
"I promise."
Ethan leans in. Their kiss is bittersweet, loving. Norman allows himself to relax again. He's not used to letting people in like this, and he wonders how this is going to affect him and Ethan as the two of them pull away. Ethan's eyes are still glowing, crinkled at the corners and lashes fluttering slightly as he runs a hand through his hair, sighing as he looks over at the clock on the bedside table.
It's five seventeen in the morning--too early to be up.
"I better shower. I have to pick up Shaun from his mother's in a couple of hours."
Ethan gives Norman another quick kiss before he slides off the bed. Norman watches as the father walks to the bathroom, watching the muscles in his back tense up as his legs struggle to move for each step. Norman almost wants to follow Ethan into the bathroom, but he can't bring himself to move. He can't bring himself to do much of anything, for that matter.
It hits him like a bullet to the head.
God damn pain, shakes, weakness.
Triptocaine. He needs the tripto.
Norman's hand is trembling so much that he can't even handle the tripto on the bedside table. It falls out of his unsteady grip to the floor. He tries the best he can to reach the container, but he finds himself quickly giving up, having barely enough concentration to roll back over onto the bed.
Ethan hums quietly in the shower, his voice and the sound of water growing more distant. The world flickers in front of Norman's eyes. Illusion is falling apart as the ARI interface reveals itself once more. Reality takes over Norman once more--his eyes are so sore. He can feel how bloodshot they are, he can feel blood dripping down his cheeks. His ARI's butler had always told him that it would kill him, and he always knew that it could kill him, but Norman can't help it. ARI is a safety blanket.
Ethan is standing over him, hands grabbing his shoulders.
"Norman!" His eyes are wide as he shakes the other man.
"Ethan..." Norman can barely manage his voice.
"Take off the glasses."
"But you'll..." Norman tries to hold Ethan's hand, but it just ghosts through.
"Take off the glasses," Ethan insists. He and Norman lock stares briefly. Norman doesn't want to listen to him, but Ethan's eyes mean business, mean concern. Maybe even mean love, he wants to say, but he holds the thought back. It's absurd and Norman knows better.
That's why he takes the ARI glasses off and subjects himself to the loneliness of his empty hotel room. He blacks in and out, the world a shaky, unstable place. Norman is not even sure that he's completely logged out of ARI yet, out of his secret, foolish fantasies. He reaches for Ethan at his side, but the back of his hand only hits the undisturbed pillow.
It's absurd, and Norman knows better, but that doesn't stop him from wanting more.
(Post-game.) "You're a good man, Norman. Better than you think. You did so much for me when Shaun was in that warehouse. You believed in me when nearly nobody else did."
Wordcount: 1,423 (one-shot)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Norman/Ethan
Warnings: slash; first time writing HR-fanfic; result of late night muse striking so it could be stupid/weird
Norman stirs, taking in the musky scent of the man lying in bed next to him. He doesn't even need to open his eyes completely to know who is with him. Norman already knows, and he feels safer for it as he lays one hand on the other man's bare chest and the other wrapped around his waist as much as possible.
Norman doesn't usually allow himself to indulge his feelings like this. He's usually too busy with work. Last night though, right now, he just wants to let things go. He wants to admit possibilities of what could be. Most importantly, he wants to make sure that it's going to fine if he takes a moment to himself.
"Is this real?" Norman asks dumbly, the question leaking out his mouth before he can stop it.
"As real as you want it to be, Norman," the other man insists, kissing him on his forehead. Norman can feel the other man's fingers tracing along his spine--even in safety like this he still finds himself flinching as the fingers circle each knot sticking out in his back.
Norman can't help but feel that he is thinking too much in this small frame of time. What should he even be doing right now? Shaun Mars has been rescued, and Ethan Mars's name cleared, but surely there must be some paperwork that had to be filled out at the police station before he headed back to Washington. When Norman gave up on the case of the Origami Killer, he had fled in a hurry after reporting to Captain Perry.
What kind of agent was he supposed to be when he couldn't unweave the story in front of him? Especially to help a man whom he couldn't help but think about?
Norman sighs as he pulls away, rolling on his side with his back to the other man. He feels so insecure, ashamed. Ethan Mars has so many qualities that keep staying with Norman, that refuse to budge. Ethan loved his son so much that he tortured himself, put himself through life staking trials to find him. Ethan had all odds stacked against him--time, weather, memories, pain, police constantly on his tail. Yet despite everything in his way, he rescued his son, and saved a Madison Paige from being shot by the Origami Killer. Ethan had done so much for the people he cared about.
And what had Norman done? He'd just gone around in fucking circles. He searched crime scenes, nearly gotten crushed in a car compactor, stabbed by a sword, yet came out empty handed. He sure as hell wasn't a hero. What worth was he then?
"You're too good to me, Ethan," Norman states, his voice tinged with regret as he rolls back around. The feeling in his stomach sinks even lower as Ethan's blue eyes twinkle at him, a reassuring smile turning the corners of his mouth. Norman can't help but think Ethan looks beautiful, with with bed hair and five o'clock shadow beginning to show itself. Ethan is beautiful inside and out--how does Norman even compare?
"What do you mean?" Ethan asks. The two of them sluggishly sit up, accustomed to being awake.
"I mean...Why do you care about me?"
Ethan shakes his head, frowning as his eyes circle around Norman's ashen looking face.
"You're a good man, Norman. Better than you think. You did so much for me when Shaun was in that warehouse. You believed in me when nearly nobody else did."
"But I wasn't there!" Norman protests, his voice cracking as his fist slams against the blanket. "I-I wasn't there when you needed me the most, Ethan. I don't know if I can forgive myself."
"I found Shaun." Ethan wraps an arm around Norman, holding on tightly. "And he's safe now. That's what matters."
Norman bites his lip, his shoulders feeling stiff. The good memories he made last night with Ethan begin to fade as the negative emotions fill his being. He can feel his bitterness eating away any contentment that he had been soaked in moments ago. "But--"
"Besides, if it weren't for you...I wouldn't have even found Shaun. I would have been in a jail cell while he drowned. That, Norman...that means a lot more to me than you know." Ethan pauses, studying the sun poking through the window shades. "And like I said...Shaun was rescued, and that's what matters."
"What about you, Ethan?" Norman pauses, unsure if it's right for him to continue this topic of conversation. "You still...you still need help." Norman's eyes travels from Ethan's disfigured finger along the bandages on his body. "You went through so much, Ethan...and I wasn't there for half of it...b-but...I want to be there now. I want to be there for you. If you need help, or you need someone to talk to, I want it to be me. It has to be me."
Norman doesn't even care how selfish he sounds right now. how possessive he has become in a matter of seconds. He just wants to make up for everything he wasn't able to do in the past. Maybe he can make up for half the things he missed out on in Ethan's life.
Ethan caresses Norman's cheek, his eyes filled with pity as he whispers.
"It will be you. I promise."
"Do you mean it?" Norman asks, covering up the desperate foundation he has built.
"I promise."
Ethan leans in. Their kiss is bittersweet, loving. Norman allows himself to relax again. He's not used to letting people in like this, and he wonders how this is going to affect him and Ethan as the two of them pull away. Ethan's eyes are still glowing, crinkled at the corners and lashes fluttering slightly as he runs a hand through his hair, sighing as he looks over at the clock on the bedside table.
It's five seventeen in the morning--too early to be up.
"I better shower. I have to pick up Shaun from his mother's in a couple of hours."
Ethan gives Norman another quick kiss before he slides off the bed. Norman watches as the father walks to the bathroom, watching the muscles in his back tense up as his legs struggle to move for each step. Norman almost wants to follow Ethan into the bathroom, but he can't bring himself to move. He can't bring himself to do much of anything, for that matter.
It hits him like a bullet to the head.
God damn pain, shakes, weakness.
Triptocaine. He needs the tripto.
Norman's hand is trembling so much that he can't even handle the tripto on the bedside table. It falls out of his unsteady grip to the floor. He tries the best he can to reach the container, but he finds himself quickly giving up, having barely enough concentration to roll back over onto the bed.
Ethan hums quietly in the shower, his voice and the sound of water growing more distant. The world flickers in front of Norman's eyes. Illusion is falling apart as the ARI interface reveals itself once more. Reality takes over Norman once more--his eyes are so sore. He can feel how bloodshot they are, he can feel blood dripping down his cheeks. His ARI's butler had always told him that it would kill him, and he always knew that it could kill him, but Norman can't help it. ARI is a safety blanket.
Ethan is standing over him, hands grabbing his shoulders.
"Norman!" His eyes are wide as he shakes the other man.
"Ethan..." Norman can barely manage his voice.
"Take off the glasses."
"But you'll..." Norman tries to hold Ethan's hand, but it just ghosts through.
"Take off the glasses," Ethan insists. He and Norman lock stares briefly. Norman doesn't want to listen to him, but Ethan's eyes mean business, mean concern. Maybe even mean love, he wants to say, but he holds the thought back. It's absurd and Norman knows better.
That's why he takes the ARI glasses off and subjects himself to the loneliness of his empty hotel room. He blacks in and out, the world a shaky, unstable place. Norman is not even sure that he's completely logged out of ARI yet, out of his secret, foolish fantasies. He reaches for Ethan at his side, but the back of his hand only hits the undisturbed pillow.
It's absurd, and Norman knows better, but that doesn't stop him from wanting more.