ANTIQUE (ENTR'ACTE/CHAPTER 6)

[shady_fetish]

Antique (ENTR'ACTE/PART 6)
AU. "Coming out to Los Angeles was a mistake ...Now all I have is a broken heart, an eviction on my record and nothing to show for it except debt."
Rating: T (language, some alcohol)
Pairings: Kradam, Kraty, friendship!Kris/David C., some Lambry
Notes: The initial idea was inspired by the antique shop in "Whispers of the Heart" (which if you haven't seen, you should, cause it's probably one of the best Studio Ghibli movies ever), but that's where the similarities end



ENTR'ACTE

I. LATE-SEPTEMBER 2008, LOS ANGELES, CA

"I'm sorry to impose on you guys like this," Kris said solemnly as he brought his meager suitcase and his guitar case into the McIntyre's suddenly too small apartment. Todd looked at him as Scott shook his head, half-smiling as Kris shut the front door behind him.

"Don't worry about it. We're the ones who invited you to stay after all. Just pay your part of the rent and we'll all be happy," Scott reassured, grabbing Todd's sleeve and tugging it. "Todd, could you show Kris where he's sleeping?"

"Yeah, man," Todd answered softly, motioning Kris to follow him.

Kris followed Todd into the McIntyre's living room where Todd pulled the bottom cushions of the couch, revealing a pull out bed. The bed was practically stuck and the two men nearly fell over trying to pull the rusted thing out, but soon they managed to pull out the lumpy mattress, wiping the sweat off their foreheads as they inspected their way too hard work.

"It's not much, but if I go look through our spare sheets that should set you up until you get back on your feet again," Todd reassured, scratching his chin in thought. "Scott should have some spare ones in his closet."

"Cool," Kris replied numbly as Todd left him alone in the room.

Kris flopped onto the bare mattress, ignoring the bare crumbs sticking to his t-shirt. He couldn't help but feel distracted by all the furniture and the all the electronics in the room. In front of him was the medium size television and to the left was a telephone, while on the right there was an electric guitar plugged into the wall. As if that claustrophobia wasn't enough, today was possibly the worst day in Kris's life since...ever.

His parents would have told him that this wasn't the end of the world, but until his parents died or he lost any of his friends around in Los Angeles, there wasn't a worse day than today:

All in one day he had woken up in bed with Adam, managed to get himself kicked out of his apartment with no pants on after screwing up whatever the hell they had, got into an argument with Ms. Abdul over the phone and got himself evicted from his apartment because he was so behind on rent.

Really, he was not exaggerating when he said it couldn't get any worse.

Or at least it couldn't get any worse until his cell phone rang for the tenth time that day. Kris pulled the phone out of his pocket, a lump forming in the back of his throat when he saw who the caller was. Reluctantly, he flipped the phone open and started to speak.

"Mom, do you have time to talk?"

II. OCTOBER 2008, LOS ANGELES, CA

The music didn't feel the same anymore. No matter how hard he tried when he was onstage, he couldn't get himself to smile, to play a cheerful little ditty like old times. He couldn't think about the smiling faces of his friends and family. All he could think about was how he had broken Adam's heart and how afraid he was to try and make up with him.

He was so stupid. He was such an idiot that morning. Every time he thought about trying to call Adam and apologize and explain things, he just felt madder at himself. He wanted to smash the guitar neck and strings in his hands even now as their grip tightened.

Stupid.

He couldn't even understand why he was so mad. Maybe he'd had a crush on Adam for awhile, but it was nothing serious. It's not like they'd ever gone on a real date or really told each other that they wanted to go out. And waking up in his arms? It meant nothing. It was only because Adam felt guilty about letting Kris sleep on a couch with thin cushions.

What did these last months amount to then?

"It all means absolutely nothing," were the last words to come out of his mouth before the lights in the bar died down.

In the dim lighting Adam came up to him, shaking his head.

"I didn't mean for things to go this far..." he offered, trying to cut off Kris as he was trying to leave the bar. "Can we at least talk?" Adam's hand drifted towards Kris's shoulder, the edges around his eyes softening as he leaned forward.

"I don't know. You didn't really let me explain myself before and then you kicked me out of your apartment in my boxers. What do you think my answer is?"

III. MID-OCTOBER 2008, LOS ANGELES, CA

Kris didn't really know what he was doing in the middle of a cafe with Adam during his lunch break. As silly as it was, he was still kind of mad at him for what happened a few weeks ago, but Megan and the McIntyres had all insisted that they at least try to patch things up. And who knew, maybe they were right. The way things were had gone on long enough.

"Look, Kris, I'm sorry about kicking you like that...I guess I kind of overreacted," Adam apologized, his eyebrows arching upward. "I'm sorry things got completely blown out of proportion."

"It's not like I helped neither," Kris admitted, his finger circling the top of his coffee cup. "The way I treated you in the bar the other night...that was not cool and...I'm really sorry about that." There was something else on the tip of his tongue, but the words wouldn't come to him, as how they usually didn't when he was talking to Adam.

"I forgive you. I don't blame you to be honest. If someone had kicked me out of their apartment in my boxers I'd be kind of pissed too."

"I do have to ask though...You said something about not wanting to take a risk again...What did you mean by that?"

Adam chugged his drink, slamming the empty glass to the table as he wiped off his lip. "I don't really need to go into details. It's just...I had an ex who wasn't completely honest with me about how seriously he took our relationship. I thought it was serious and he thought it was just for fun...I was afraid that you were going to be like him when you said those things."

"Well, don't worry. I'm not." Kris leaned forward, looking intently in Adam's eyes. "I would never do anything like that."

Adam lurched back, biting his lip as he looked down at the table. "There was another reason I was so scared too, Kris."

"What is it?"

Adam leaned back, a frown forming on his face. "I was afraid that things were moving too fast between us. I know we didn't do that much the night before, but emotionally...I didn't realize I'd find someone after Drake so fast. And aside from that even, what I feel for you...It hit me by surprise and I don't know if I'm ready for it yet."

"If it makes you feel better, I didn't expect it neither."

"Then you understand how I feel...Kris, are you okay if we stay friends after this?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with that."

On one hand, Kris was relieved that this argument between him and Adam had finally started unraveling itself and had started to even go away. On the other hand, it hurt him so badly to say those words, because it confirmed the truth that he had started having feelings for Adam.

IV. LATE-OCTOBER 2008, KRIS'S DREAMS

Adam was packing to leave the antique shop. Stacked neatly next to him was a child size suitcase and a viola case. It looked as if all he had were those worldly possessions and the clothes on his back. Kris shook his head as he inspected the sight in front of him, tears forming in the back of his eyes as he entered the antique shop.

"Where are you going?" Kris asked as Adam caught his glance.

"Away, Kris. I'm going away." Adam lit up the last cigar he had left in his pocket, puffing slowly as his eyes focused on the brunette.

"Why? Where are you going away to?"

The man in the top hat sighed, shaking his head ruefully. "It matters not. You're never going to see me again no matter what answer I offer."

"Forever?"

"Yes."

The answer fell on Kris like a heavy weight. "But why? I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, but I need you more than ever." The tears started leaking out the corners of his eyes as he ran up to Adam, burying his face into his jacket as the cigar fell to the floor. "I had all these terrible things happening to me and I'm not really over them yet. I don't think I can do this by myself, Adam. I need your help."

Adam leaned his chin on top of Kris's head, grabbing the back of it as he held him close. "Kristopher..."

Kris almost felt like the little boy who had missed out on buying the figurine all those years ago again, running away from his problems where his mother or father could solve all of them again. This time though, the pain was much worse, more tangible. When Adam left, part of Kris's heart would leave with him too.

"Coming out to Los Angeles was a mistake." Adam pulled away as Kris wiped his soaked eyes. "Now all I have is a broken heart, an eviction on my record and nothing to show for it except debt. And worst of all, I hurt the one person since Katy who I really cared about."

"Hurt can be healed. The healing process just takes longer for some wounds more than others."

"I miss him so much. How could I have ruined something like that when it was going so well?"

Adam crushed his last cigar with his foot and patted Kris on the shoulder. "That's why I must take my leave. I am just holding you back."

"No, you're not!"

"You know I am, Kristopher. I am glad to have been your friend for all these years and I'm proud of you, but now I am just hindering. You complain about hurting your friend, yet I am hurting you even worse just by staying here."

"Just stay for a little while longer...please."

Adam picked up his two cases, kissing Kris on the forehead. "There's a time in every man's life when he matures from a boy to an adult. The things he used to worry about become things of the past and he realizes what matters the most to him. That time is coming for you too, Kristopher, but you can't face it while I'm still around." He kissed Kris on the forehead once more as he started to head towards the door, his distinct features fading as he got closer and closer to the front door. "Good-bye, Kristopher Allen."

Adam's foot crossed the door and he began to disappear into the darkness that existed outside.

"Adam, I love you!"

It was too late for him to hear.

CHAPTER SIX:

6a. NOVEMBER 2008, LOS ANGELES, CA

Kris wanted to cry, clutching the sheets as he abruptly woke up. He couldn't believe the empty feeling inside of him, like something had been ripped out from inside of him. He didn't want to believe it, but in his heart he was starting to believe that old Adam was gone, and it was breaking him up.

Old Adam was just a dream. Kris knew that the entire time, even if it felt that the figurine was really right there next to him. However, he also knew that real emotions were starting to catch up with him, and that using his imagination as a crutch wasn't doing anything. If anything, it was starting to make him cross wires in the wrong way. He knew that real life was starting to smack him in the face finally, and that he had to pull himself together if he was going to move on. He could have tried to fall back asleep if he wanted to and try to get Adam back, but it would have done nothing. He had lost enough of his mind over this already as it was.

Someday he was going to get over this, but right now it hurt so badly, and he had nobody else to turn to who knew Adam like he did, so he did the only thing that he really could do right now:

He called Arkansas.

He sat up, waiting for his mother to pick up. It was a Sunday, and she and his father were probably back from church by now. There was no way she would ignore a call from her son after all of the stress he was dealing with lately.

Predictably, she picked up, answering the phone right away. "Good morning, Kris. Did you sleep well?"

"Not really. I had a really horrible dream."

"What was it about? Care to tell me about it?" Kris imagined her reclining into that favorite armchair of hers, burrowing into the back cushion.

"I don't know if I should. I feel stupid mentioning it out loud..."

"You can tell me anything, Kris."

He paused, running a hand though his bed-mussed locks as he laid back down. "That figurine I had when I was younger...you know the one?"

"Adam? Of course I remember him. What happened to him?"

"He left me." The truth felt so hollow, saying it made him feel so empty and alone. "He said he was never going to see me again. I actually kind of believe him. He's gone...and I think he meant what he said about never coming back."

"You speak of him as if he was a real person."

"Because he was real to me."

Kris froze, his eyes wide as the phone shook in his hands. It was as if everything had started making sense now, why he couldn't put the figurine out of his mind, why he relied on him so much when he was stressed out during college and now when he was dealing with multiple crises in Los Angeles. It was why he had nearly lost his mind when he started trying to break off the feelings he associated with the real Adam. He had known that the figurine had played a huge role in his life, but there was never really a reason because it seemed like he was just there...

Maybe Kris had placed too much faith in his dreams.

"Kristopher? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here, mom."

His breath hitched in his throat as he finally decided to ask for something that he had been thinking about for the last month or so after getting evicted.

"Mom, I want to come home...if you would have me back."

Mrs. Allen was taken aback. "Are you sure about this? I thought things were starting to look like they were going to be fine ever since those neighbors of yours let you stay in their home. And what about some of your other friends? Surely they could help you out?"

The image of the real Adam popped into Kris's mind as she stated that. The image of their tenuous friendship started mixing in with that. Ever since they had made-up, it was like their meetings always made Kris sad the moment he sat back and looked at them. It's not that things were still tense between them, because Adam had started showing up at Lizabelle's again when he wasn't working and they had even started laughing together again. Still though, Kris couldn't help but feel that the two of them wouldn't ever go beyond that again, and as much as it hurt him to say it, Adam was not the person to rely on to get him out of this rut right now.

On top of that, his relations with the McIntyre brothers had started feeling tense ever since he had started living with them. Kris was barely able to make his share of the rent every month because Lizabelle's had been cutting his hours back and the amount he was making from his bar gigs was dropping as well. Unless someone came up to him and offered him a record deal within the next month or so, Kris would have no other choice but to call bankruptcy because his student loan payments were lagging as well.

"I have no other choice," Kris finally said, pursing his lips. "I can't afford to live here anymore."

"Can you afford your own plane ticket?"

"No." His cheeks flushed in shame.

"When are you coming home?"

Kris paused, remembering that he would have some last minute things he had to attend to, including one last bar gig he had promised Manley's a month ago and properly saying good-bye to Allison, who was coming home mid-November for a two week Thanksgiving break. There was no way he could leave things hanging like that.

"End of the month."

"I'll have the ticket sent to your P.O. box as soon as possible."

"Just make sure not to send it to my old one, okay?"

"Don't worry. I have the new one written down somewhere." Mrs. Allen paused for a moment as Kris stood up and started sifting through his clothes. "I have to go now. Your father is having company over today and I don't want to be on the phone when they're here."

"It's okay, mom. Have a good day, all right?"

"You too, Kris. Bye-bye."

Kris ended the call, pulling out his outfit for the day. He didn't really want to head to his shift today but considering that he had only been assigned twelve hours that week compared to the thirty he used to get, but every hour counted. If he was going to be here for another month he at least wanted to make sure that he had enough to pay Scott back for his share of the rent and the amount of money Scott and Todd had paid for him the month before. He didn't want to leave on bad terms despite everything that had been going on for the last month.

Lizabelle's was way too quiet the morning. Kris had no idea why the manager had even assigned Megan too, because they really weren't doing much else that day except folding clothes and re-organizing stock again and again. He had to admit though, this was the first real conversation they had had in awhile. Megan hadn't been working nearly as much at Lizabelle's lately and outside of work she had been taking care of Ryder more often than usual.

"You seem...different," she said, tilting her head as if it would help her see more accurately.

"What do you mean?" Kris wondered, putting down the pair of jeans he was straightening out.

"I don't know, you just seem...Forget about it. This isn't work time conversation."

"No, go on." Kris stood immediately up at attention, his shoulders stiff as he looked over at Megan. "The only things that will hear us right now are the flies on the walls." Megan walked over to Kris, shaking her head as she patted his shoulder and continued.

"You seem sad today...What's going on?"

"Do you want a glossed over answer or do you want an honest one?"

"What do you think?"

Kris sighed, refusing to look as Megan as he continued speaking. "I'm going back to Arkansas at the end of the month." The blonde's eyes widened as she clutched the edge of the table, her knuckles going white.

"What? I thought you...but why are you going back there?" Megan seemed genuinely flabbergasted as her hands shook mid-air. "I thought...what about your music?"

"It's not making me money anymore."

"Where are you staying?"

"With my parents until I get back on my feet."

"And they don't mind?"

"My mom said it was fine."

"What about your friends here in LA?"

"I feel like I'm just making trouble for all of them."

"You're not making trouble for me."

"That's because you don't live with me," Kris half-joked, chuckling to himself bitterly. "If I crashed in your apartment you'd probably wouldn't be saying the same thing."

"What about Adam?"

"He hasn't given me any reason to stay."

Megan flinched, her lip curling into a frown as she placed a hand on Kris's shoulder. "I thought you two had made up. Did something happen again?" Kris sighed, shaking his head and ignoring the lump forming in his throat.

"Nothing is happening. I just...I can't see him anymore." Kris tried to throw himself back into his work, but Megan had always been a persistent woman. He couldn't throw her off until he gave her the full answer much to his chagrin. "Even just thinking about him...It's so painful. I don't know how more of it I can take."

"Adam is a great guy!"

"That's the problem." The two of them paused, exchanging looks at one another as they started to try to go back to work. "Like I said, I'm leaving at the end of the month."

"You're both going to miss each other."

"I'll get over him eventually."

Truth be told, Kris wasn't sure if that was really going to happen. Especially when he found himself drifting to the stock at closing that night. Megan had closed the cash register and gone home already, leaving alone in the lonely depths of the shop. It was bad enough that Kris was always kind of scared being alone in Lizabelle's at ten o'clock, but the fact that he was alone with thoughts buzzing in his polluted mind made things worse.

At first, he tried to focus his mind on counting how many of the little red heels were left on the top right shelf, but memories kept butting into his business. Happy memories, ones that should have made him smile. Adam was in all of them--the real one, not the figurine that felt real.

There was that one time where he and Adam went to the bakery. It wasn't a date seeing as Adam was still dating Drake at the time, but he remembered how content he was just walking down the street with Adam. Now that he looked back on it, he had realized that Allison was right at the time about him liking the other man, even if he refused to admit it then.

Every time Adam called his name, his heart leapt a thousand stories. Every time Adam would tease him, let him know he was appreciated, all his insecurities would go away, even for just a second. Every time he was standing even ten feet away, a smile would crack on his face that would let everyone know just how gleeful he was with the people in the room. Every time Adam looked at him, words became useless.

Then there was the time in the kitchen at Allison's house. He didn't want to admit it, but he secretly enjoyed it when Adam bandaged his hand, the way he carefully wrapped it around his finger with concern in the back of his eyes. If he was a better man or someone who had the knowledge that he did today, he would have told Adam how he really felt when prompted so that they could have avoided the end of September.

As his mind flipped to September, he could almost feel Adam's hair in his hands again as if it were yesterday. He could feel his arms around him and his lips on his. He could remember the musky scent that Adam carried with him as they curled up in bed just a month ago. He remembered how safe he felt, how satisfied he was with the way things had gone down that night.

And the last thing he swore he'd heard Adam say to him before they'd both drifted off to sleep:

"I'm starting to think that maybe we really are in a dream."

Hearing those words repeat themselves in his head made Kris put down the clipboard and pen he had been holding in defeat, wiping his eyes as they started leaking profusely. All this time he had refused to cry, and now he was thankful that the one time he had cried over this was when he was alone, where no one could see all the little lies he had silently made.

Recently he'd been trying to tell Scott and Todd and some times even Allison on the occasional phone call that he was completely over Adam, that they could just be friends with no problems. He'd been telling the ladies to call him up if he was interested so he could show them a good night. He'd even advertised his offer to a couple of men at the corner next to the ice cream shop.

It didn't matter that they were just empty words. Whatever he said, he was just hurting himself more and more. There was only so much self-abuse that he could take before the wounds would catch up to him like these kinds of moments.

Kris so badly wanted to rewind back to those times where he and Adam could easily hang out without the threat of anything happening. He wanted to just take back that one night where he had run away from his old apartment. If he hadn't ever gone, none of this shit would have gone down with Adam and things would just be the same as they were, happiness shared that night be damned. Even if he could just take back the words he mistakenly said in a sleepy stupor maybe things could have turned out differently. However, Kris couldn't have what he wanted in the past and now was no exception

The worst part of all of this was that he couldn't run away anymore. He hated confrontation, thus he hated crying. Unfortunately, confrontation was the only to break up this depression looming over him and even that felt like a losing battle, because the minute he would stop crying, Adam's smile would appear in his mind and he would start all over again.

6b. MID-NOVEMBER, LOS ANGELES, CA

Allison was a ball of energy when she came home from college that first couple of days. It seemed as if she was always moving, calling her friends from high school and from Lizabelle's and always migrating from one house to another. Kris was almost flabbergasted when she finally got to him, keeping up that same level of energy before she ended up crashing at Megan's house and sleeping for nearly twelve hours.

The next couple of the days, the girl was much more low-key, more contained, and Kris was almost relieved for it because he thought he was the odd one out for not being as excitable as she was during his first break from school. He couldn't help but feel kind of bad for her though after talking with her about everything that had happened while she was gone. The poor girl, despite the phone calls that came from her once in a while, was out of the loop.

When Kris and Allison met up after his shift at Lizabelle's, the first hour they spent talking was about Adam alone, to his chagrin. He was forced to tell her about how Adam and him seemed to have gotten closer that one night after Kris crashed in his place and how now there was a wall between the two of them. She clicked her tongue as she shook her head, taking Kris's hand into her own and patting it gently.

"I'm really sorry," Allison said.

"Don't be. There's only so much one person can do."

"But I know...you really liked him."

"Yeah I...did." Kris's eyes narrowed as they focused on the tabletop in front of him. "I really...I hope he's going to be okay."

"So is what Megan said true? Is it true that you're moving?"

Kris remained silent. He couldn't stand to look into Allison's sad eyes.

"...It IS true. And nothing's going to change your mind?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Aren't you going to tell Adam?"

"It's better if Adam didn't know."

Suddenly, the hair on the back of Kris's neck prickled as a cold hand landed on his shoulder, shivers going down his spine as a new person joined their conversation.

"It would be better if Adam didn't know what, Kris?" the new person asked.

Kris almost didn't recognize him because his make-up was heavier than usual, but he rightfully identified Brad. He had never been so appalled to see him in his life. He just wanted to stop talking about Adam so that he could stop feeling nostalgic

"Since when you were and Brad talking?" Allison asked, genuine puzzlement being prominently displayed in her eyes. "...Kris, he's not...annoying you, is he?"

"Look, Allison, I know I frightened you in the past and I'm really sorry about that, but could we please drop the stalker label already? I'm way past those days and it's starting to get old," Brad stated, taking a sip of his water bottle. Her mouth gaped as she backed her seat away from the table, but didn't get up. "So, Kris, what were we talking about with Adam not knowing something? I thought he knew everything about you."

"Really?"

Brad half-heartedly rolled his eyes. "Yeah. He talks about you all the time."

"Talking about me and talking to me are two different things."

The magenta haired girl's mouth gaped as she leaned back forward in her seat. "You guys aren't even talking?"

Kris's eyes grew distant as he tried to remember the last time he'd had a real conversation with Adam. The other man had been stopping by Lizabelle's, but he would always be talking to Megan instead of him. When they did talk, it as just pleasantries now, nothing substantial.

"It's worse than I thought...Kris, I'll get Adam to talk to you again!" Allison attempted to promise, secretly crossing her heart.

"I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy, honey. Adam doesn't listen to anyone. You might tell him to do something, but in the end he goes by his own decision," Brad said, exasperated.

"But Megan got him to make-up with Kris after that fight they had."

"He was probably hurting just as bad as Kris was. In fact, I know he was. The guy usually has an incredible poker face, but whenever I brought up Kris he would start looking sad."

Kris remained silent, realizing that the last time he and Adam had a real conversation, it was when they had apologized to one another and when Adam announced that they should just be friends. It was the day Kris's heart really broke over this whole thing.

"He won't miss me when I'm back in Arkansas," Kris said in a near-whisper, his face landing on the surface of the table as if he wanted to doze off. Brad's eyebrows shot up as he made Kris pick his head back up.

"Arkansas? What the hell is this with Arkansas?"

"He's moving back there at the end of the month."

"Are you serious, Kris?"

"I can't afford to live here anymore," Kris admitted.

"And he can't afford to live here without an Adam," Allison added.

"That's not true."

"When you deny it, it does become true," Brad pointed out, tilting his head to the side as he gazed at Kris. "You really fell badly for Adam, didn't you?"

"Adam who?"

There was a pause as Brad stood up, pushing his seat in as he was about to leave.

"It's too bad you're leaving, kid. You would have been a really awesome friend...I'm sure Adam might have had you someday too." Brad looked over at Allison, nodding his head politely. "I hope we can be friends, honey."

"Well, at least you don't seem like a stalker anymore," she muttered low enough for him not to hear. Even if Brad heard her misgivings, he ignored it as the last of his attention turned back towards Kris.

"I can't make you change your mind about moving to Arkansas and I definitely won't tell him for you, but, Kris, I want you to know that sometimes it's the things you don't say that are important, not the things that you do say."

Brad silently began to walk away from their table, but Kris abruptly interrupted his exit.

"Brad?"

"What is it?"

"You would have been an awesome friend too."

Brad flashed a grin at him, tossing his head back and laughing. "I know I would have."

The next time Kris saw Allison, it was at a post-Thanksgiving party at Megan's house. She had to start packing up and going back to school the next day, but Megan thought it would be a bright idea to organize a dinner at the last minute despite the lack of help in the kitchen. Ryder had gone off to a play date at one of his friend's houses, so Megan offered up her house for this get-together since Allison's parents still had her grandparents staying in the house until they flew back out of state in a couple of days.

Kris had expected that McIntyre brothers and Allison to show up, but what he didn't expect was for Adam to show up at the last minute, announcing that he had gotten out of rehearsal early enough to make it for the get-together. Kris's stomach flipped as he watched Adam run up to Allison and hug her, the two of them grinning at one another as they started enthusiastically babbling. Nobody else could understand anything that they were saying, but it seemed as if they could translate each other perfectly, laughing at the right spots and even saying something coherent once in awhile.

Kris's stomach flipped even worse when Adam looked at him, grinning gently as he let go of Allison.

"It's been awhile, Kris," Adam greeted, bounding forward and grabbing Kris into his arms.

"It has."

Kris tried so hard not to enjoy the feel of Adam's arms around him. Even if he felt happy now, he would just get depressed all over again when he would realize that was probably the last hug that he was going to get from Adam and this was probably the last time he was ever going to see him again.

"Adam, there's something I need to tell you." For once, Kris was going to try and come clean. Earlier Kris had decided he didn't want a repeat of September.

"Is it important? I promised I'd help Megan out with dinner if I got here on time." Adam pulled away, ruffling Kris's hair.

"Um...you should probably go help her then. I'll tell you later."

"Promise?"

"Of course I will."

Adam smiled at him as he headed into the kitchen, nodding silently. The brunette just stood there, staring at him as he started chopping vegetables with Megan. He couldn't make out completely what they were saying, but Kris couldn't help but feel suspicious when a red-faced Adam and Megan kept looking over at him, the blonde giggling and covering her mouth as they turned away.

"Are you still here, Kris?" Allison joked, prodding him in the shoulder. Kris jerked away, his attention turning towards the two McIntyre brothers on the couch. He flopped down next to them, making the cushion bounce as he landed.

"What have the McIntyres been up to today? I haven't really seen much of you two," Kris said, his eyes flicking back and forth from the kitchen to the crowd around him.

"Actually, Scott just came here from a gig," Todd answered, smiling at his brother proudly. "With the rate he's earning money, between the two of us we might be able to move."

"Wow, seriously? Where are you guys thinking of moving?" Allison asked, leaning forward in excitement.

"We're not sure yet. We just want to move closer towards the busier areas of town so that it's easier for me to get around," Scott answered, scratching the back of his head. "I mean, I can always use my walking stick if I have to go pick up groceries next door, but there's only so much I can do, you know?"

Kris couldn't help but feel resentment towards the two brothers for their financial success, but then he remembered that finances were a reason he was moving away. He quickly swallowed his bitterness, plastering a half-smile on his face. After all, the McIntyre brothers had dealt with more crap than him. They deserved their success.

"I'm proud of you guys," Kris said, looking down at the beige carpet as he avoided their gaze.

"Hey, is there anything you need help with before you leave for Arkansas?" Scott asked too loudly.

The other three people in the sitting area snapped their attention to Adam, on alert. Adam didn't even seem to bat an eye at anything they had said. He hadn't even stopped chopping the vegetables yet. The three of them sighed a relief as Todd leaned into Scott's ear, no doubt whispering that Adam didn't know that Kris was moving yet. Scott's eyes widened, a sign that he had received the message loud and clear.

"I'm sorry," Scott whispered.

"Don't worry about it. Let's just try not to let him find out before I'm able to tell him," Kris whispered back, looking over at Adam with worry in his eyes.

The four of them sat there silently for five or ten minutes, all of them exchanging looks at one another and occasionally attempting to make conversation unrelated to moving before Adam poked his head in the doorway, smile contorting his face as Megan poked her head in front the other side of the doorway.

"Dinner's ready," they chorused.

"Already? You didn't burn anything, did you?" Allison jibed, a mischievous grin forming on her face.

"Well, we did kind of scorch the chicken, girlie," Megan said back, poking her tongue into her cheek as she winked at her. "You'll need a lot of gravy to cover the singe."

"Gravy and I are best friends forever."

Kris couldn't help but smile at the two girls joking around. He had never seen anything like it before at college. He had seen girls laughing together, but their laughs were of a cruel, demeaning kind. Allison and Megan's laughs were light-hearted and genuine, something he knew he was going to miss when he moved back to Arkansas.

The gang entered the dining section of Megan's kitchen and sat down at the previously set table, still joking about the cooking with one another. Naturally, Todd and Scott ended up sitting next to one another while Allison stole a seat at the head of the table, taking pride in her head position. Megan sat next to her on the side while Kris sat next to Megan...which left Adam. Unwanted butterflies built up in the brunette's stomach as Adam sat down next to him.

"I say we do a toast!" Adam proposed, holding up his empty glass.

"I'm game for it," Megan agreed, starting to pour everyone their drinks. "This year..." She paused, looking over at Kris and tip-toeing around her words cautiously. "...has had a lot of ups and downs, but maybe in the end we'll come out better people for it."

"Agreed," Todd said. "This year was a year for learning--"

"A year for moving on up," Scott added, cutting off his brother.

"A year for new experiences," Allison offered.

"A year for new friends," Adam said, his eyes twinkling as he looked over at Kris. Kris couldn't even stand to look at him. He didn't ever want to hear the word "friends" again.

"A year for life changes," Kris finally contributed.

Everyone else nodded in agreement, raising their glasses in the air as they chorused their mutual sentiments in a cacophony of sound. Soon enough everyone had food on their plates and forks and knives in their hands, but they were barely eating because talk was just spreading like wildfire from one person to another. It wasn't anywhere near New Year's yet, but it might as well have been with all the reminiscing they were doing, all of the vows they were making for the next coming year.

"I'm thinking of quitting Lizabelle's completely," Megan admitted. "But I honestly don't know what I would be doing. I wish I could be like you guys--" The blonde paused, pointing her fork at Scott, Kris and Adam. "--and use my singing as part of my everyday job, but I don't feel like I'm good enough to do it professionally."

"You have a really pretty voice. What are you talking about?" Kris rebuked, twirling his fork around on a bare spot of his plate. "You'd just have to have better luck than me and get in with the right people."

"You know, Kris, you can always try talking to my manager. He might be able to help you out," Scott suggested. "Todd and I can give you his number later."

Kris shook his head. "No, that's okay. I'm not going to need it anymore. Thanks for the offer though."

Adam's head jerked up mid-chew, the fork slowly dropping out of his hand onto the table as he struggled to swallow the wad of mashed potato in his mouth. "You don't need that? What do you mean?" he wondered.

The rest of them looked down guiltily at their plates, especially Kris, who just wanted to run away right now. He didn't want Adam finding out this way. Right now, he was praying that someone would intervene so that he wouldn't have to deal with this.

"Kris has been doing a lot of thinking lately," Todd finally explained. Adam just stared at him, arching a brow, but seeming to take that explanation for now as he went back to eating. Kris inwardly sighed in relief, reminding himself that he'd have to thank Todd later when they were back at the apartment.

"So, Allison, how is school going? For all the talking we've done we haven't really heard a lot about that?" Megan asked, quickly changing the subject before anyone could blow Kris's cover again.

"Well...there is this really cute guy in my social studies class," the other girl said, blushing furiously. "I think he wants to ask me out. He's always sitting next to me and carrying my books for me."

Adam leaned forward, interested in what she had to say. "Did he ask you for your number yet?"

"Yeah, he did. I think he wants to ask me out when we get back from break."

"Schoolwork going okay?" Todd asked, hiding the inward roll of his eyes at all of the boy talk.

"I think I have a B-average. The class I'm probably doing the worst in is math."

"Math never was your strong suit if what I've heard is true," Scott added.

"Yeah, you know what I said about gravy and I being best friends? That's not true for math and I."

Everyone else at the table starting chuckling except for Kris, who just kept staring at his plate, lost in his own world. He couldn't even pretend to laugh right now. A couple of weeks ago he would have said that he was completely ready to move away from Los Angeles, but now doubt was beginning to dominate him. He had only known these people for two years, but they were the sort of people one could never forget. They had been there with him through thick and thin, from when he first moved to Los Angeles and didn't know anyone there to when his grandmother passed away and on to now, where he was leaving them.

Kris had never felt so alone in his life.

"Are you okay, Kris? You're awfully quiet over there," Adam interrupted, his concern cutting off Kris's pensive thinking.

"I'm just...tired," Kris lied, taking a swig of his drink.

"This doesn't have anything to do wit h the fact that you're..." Allison trailed off, her eyes widening as she abruptly covered her mouth, her fingers pulling at her cheeks as she stood up. "I have to go to the bathroom." Her voice was nearly squeaky, unusual for the mellow girl.

"Guys, what's going on here? Is there something you're not telling me?" Nobody would look up at Adam, nor would they acknowledge his question. The McIntyre brothers nervously shifted around in their seats while Megan kept trying to eat her meal. Kris avoided Adam's gaze, his eyes suddenly feeling two times heavier. "What is Kris doing?"

Nobody answered him for another minute, not even Allison who had frozen in the doorway instead of going off to the bathroom like she said she would. Kris could feel the tension running high and he couldn't help but feel that it was all his fault. He knew he should have just flat out told Adam earlier, but lately he had felt as if he always needed to explain himself. It's not like Adam probably would have cared he was moving away given their situation, but he wasn't an exception to Kris's garrulous needs neither.

"Adam..." Kris's voice drifted away, not wanting to cooperate with the situation at hand.

"Kris, what's going on?"

The brunette took a deep breath, looking up at Adam sadly.

"I didn't want you to find out this way, but...I'm moving back home to Arkansas."

Adam just laughed, looking at everyone else around the table for an answer. "Okay, really funny, you guys. Now what's REALLY going on here?" Megan massaged her temples, her fingers trembling.

"Adam...he really is moving away," Allison spoke up, not even turning around. Adam looked over at Megan, still looking for a different answer.

"This get-together...it wasn't just a post-Thanksgiving thing like I told you. It was a farewell party for Kris...cause this was the last time all of us would get to see him together." Adam's lips parted, his eyes filled with disbelief and confusion as he looked over at Todd and Scott.

"We heard him talking over the phone with his mother," Todd added. Adam shook his head, his eyebrows raised as he pushed his seat away from the table and stood up.

"Wait a minute. Everyone else knew this...except me?"

Everyone remained silent, including Kris as he stood up too, double checking for his wallet and his cell phone. His feet found themselves drifting towards the front door of Megan's apartment, his gaze turning to everyone back in the kitchen. He wanted to punch himself so badly for screwing up the last note of the music he and Adam had made in the time they knew each other, but now more than ever he realized that life wasn't about what one gained, but what one let go.

"I'm sorry, you guys. I've made enough trouble here. I-I'll just go now...Allison, have a good rest of the semester."

Kris left and shut the front door, running his fingers down the bridge of his nose as he groaned. He silently started running down the stairs until he heard a second pair of footsteps going after him. He stopped, pivoting around and spotting Adam coming after him. He reluctantly stopped, letting the other man cut him off.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Adam asked. He wasn't mad, not upset, just pitifully confused. It almost broke Kris's heart again.

"Because..."

"I didn't do anything, did I?" Adam wondered, his eyebrows shooting up as his hands slipped onto Kris's shoulders.

"No, of course not!" Kris blurted, shaking his head vigorously. "...That's why I didn't tell you right away. I didn't want you to feel like any of it was your fault." Adam didn't need to know about all the times he'd just burst out crying within the last few days over him. "I just can't afford to live in LA now. Money is tight...and I can't stay with Scott and Todd anymore."

"You guys aren't getting along? If that's the problem, you can stay with me, Kris--"

"I can't." Adam's eyelashes were brushing against Kris's cheek tenderly, painfully. "You know I can't, don't you?"

"You can't leave me here."

"I can't stay."

The two of them looked at each other, the glint flickering in their eyes as they stared each other down. They were both sad, and maybe even upset, but they both knew fighting was useless at this point. They also knew that they should just cut off this moment before it got any worse, but it was inevitable when their lips brushed.

Kris pulled away, taking one last look at Adam before he continued his trip back down the steps.

"If this is the way you want it, Kris, then I'll let you go."

Kris didn't look back. He didn't want Adam to see him start to cry right now. He didn't want him to see how hard this was for him too, how much it hurt to ignore his muted pleading. Even when he was walking back towards the McIntyre's apartment it was so hard to block the image from his mind. It was as if Adam's blue eyes were still on him, heavily lidded lashes blinking back tears.

Kris was disgusted to see all of the clothes still scattered on the floor in the McIntyre's living room. He had to leave in about two or three days and his things were still all over the place. He found himself thrashing about, stuffing his wrinkled clothes into the small suitcase into which ever corner he could, even packing away the clothes that he needed until he left.

With every shirt he shoved in while thrashing about, just that much more anguish would build up. With each pair of pants and shorts he would stuff, all the times he ran away. With each pair of shoes he tucked in, he remembered how he walked away from Adam that night, that fragile moment still just as fresh in his mind as it was just a couple of hours ago. It all beginning to become too intense for him, and he was starting to feel like a princess trapped in a tower. Unfortunately for him, there was no happy ending in sight right now.

He almost listened for the figurine to pipe in any moment, but then he remembered that this was the real world, and in the real world, there weren't figurines who came to life and talked him through every time he wanted to breakdown. In the real world, dreams were useless and they only came true if you sold your soul. He didn't wish for anything else right now except to turn back time and realize the truth earlier. He wanted to tell his younger self not to listen to David, that he should just stay in Arkansas, finish his business degree and marry Katy. He wanted to tell his younger self to heed his father's advice, stay the hell away from Los Angeles, that way he would have never gotten settled here and thought for a moment that he could make a life here.

Maybe things would have been better that way. He wouldn't have run himself further into debt than he already was. He wouldn't have wasted two years of his life running himself into a wall with his music. He wouldn't have met any of the awesome people he did and he wouldn't have meddled in their lives.

He would have never met Adam.

The thought of never having met Adam broke him, made him cry. He didn't even bother wiping his eyes. He just let the tears sting his eyes and roll down his cheeks. The shirt he was holding in his shaky hands dropped down to the suitcase. He tried to pick it back up and fold it again, but his calloused fingers were trembling too much, too often.

"Adam!" Kris screamed in vain.

There was nothing. There was only so many times he could feel an emotion for a dream until it ran itself into the ground. He wished things would kill themselves the same way with the sadness he felt at leaving Adam behind. Each time the feeling drowned him, the wounds on his heart would grow longer, wider.

Kris's cell phone rang and he swiftly picked it up, not even bothering to check the caller I.D--he already knew who it was.

"Mom, did something happen? It must be really late on the east coast."

"Nothing happened. I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to check in with you, Kris." Kris's hands relaxed as he crashed onto the mattress next to the open suitcase, scratching his head as he marveled how much cleaner the apartment was now. "How is packing going?"

"Going fine, I guess. I told the McIntyres they can have most of the dishes I'm leaving behind and I've got someone on the floor below picking up the pots and pans tomorrow."

"What about your clothes? Your guitar?"

Kris looked at the clothes still half draped about on the side of the room behind him, and the pieces of paper with lyrics and guitar chords still scattered amongst the wreckage.

"It's all packed," he lied. He probably should have continued to finish packing with his mother on speaker phone, but he simply wasn't motivated anymore, if he ever had been.

"Are you sure you want to come back here?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Even Kris could hear the lack of conviction in his own voice.

"If it's money, Kris, we can send some your way and you can pay us back later."

"I can't do this anymore." He looked out the window on the dimly lit street below, curling up into the fold-out couch as he spotted the two McIntyre brothers making their way towards the first floor of the apartments.

"...The last time you talked like this, Katy had just broken up with you..."

Kris had completely forgotten that he had never told his mother about Adam. It's not that he was afraid of what she and his father would think, it was just that he was so used to building up a wall between Arkansas and Los Angeles.

"Kris, did something else happen? Is any of this related to a girl?"

"...No." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "...but I...I fell in love."

"Did you try to work it out with him?"

"I just can't do this anymore. I didn't tell him until a couple of hours ago that I was moving...I think I really hurt him, mom, and he was already not wanting to go any further with me. I just...I can't do this for any longer. It would just be better if I went home. For both of us."

"It sounds like you're just hurting yourself."

"I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt now, but it's like my friends have been telling me. I need to get my head out of the clouds."

"As long as you know what you're doing...I just want you to be happy. If that means staying in Los Angeles, then I'm okay with that."

"What about dad?"

Mrs. Allen sighed. "He was never really against you going to Los Angeles--"

"Mom."

She sighed again. "Okay, maybe he wasn't fond of the idea, but I'm sure he'd want you to be happy too, Kristopher."

The front door clicked open to the apartment as the two brothers entered. Kris could hear the clack of Scott's walking stick on the wooden floor and the click of the door closing softly. The two brothers were quietly chatting among one another, but Kris couldn't make out what they were talking about over the static forming on his phone.

"Mom, I have to get off the phone."

"Good night, Kris."

"Night, mom."

"And Kris?"

Scott and Todd entered the living room, stopping and looking over at Kris on the couch. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He hung up the phone, turning his attention to the two brothers staring at him from either side. Their eyes held some kind of judgment for him, but he wasn't sure what. Even Scott who probably didn't realize where he was looking at was looking right at him. They sat on either side of the suitcase on the mattress, Scott with his back to Kris and Todd looking at him on his right side.

"Hey, you guys...I'm sorry about earlier."

Todd waved his hand in the air. "Don't worry about it. Honestly, I might have done the same thing," Todd said.

"Really?"

"No," Scott answered, sliding his cane back and forth on the floor. "But then again, I don't feel that way about Adam." Todd frowned, reaching over and whacking Scott upside the head.

"We're not supposed to be making him feel guilty, you moron."

"If it makes you guys feel better, I didn't need your help," Kris reassured, flopping back onto the free space of the couch. "I think I just made things worse. But then again, I'm fantastic at doing that."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. He probably didn't take it personally," the blind brother said half-heartedly.

Kris shook his head, remembering how confused Adam sounded on Megan's front stoop. "Maybe you're right," he lied.

All along though, Kris knew he was right, which was why he tried to throw himself more into getting things packed up for the next three days after that night. Slowly, the room became less consumed by Kris's presence. The clothes were all packed away and the suitcase neatly piled next to the straightened out guitar case. The airplane ticket he had received in the mail was on top of it and now the mattress had been folded up and the sheets were in the washroom downstairs.

Now after finishing up cleaning and packing up, one last walk around Los Angeles sounded like a good idea.

The first stop he made was over at Lizabelle's. Megan was about to go home to put Ryder to bed, but she and Kris managed to exchange farewells and a hug or two before he had to go on his way. She seemed insistent on keeping their good-byes brief and Kris, for once, couldn't blame her. They had ghosted in and out of each other's lives. Their friendship wasn't meant to be permanent.

"I'll see you around, Kris," Megan said, not completely sure if her words were to come true.

"You and little Ryder take care now, you hear?"

"You know it."

And just like that she was gone.

When Kris made his second stop at Manley's and said good-bye to the manager, their farewell was even brief than his and Megan's, with a quick pat on the back and wishes of luck towards one another. When he settled down in one of the booths and called Allison right after she got out of her last class for the day, it was quite the opposite. Their conversation was a long, one-ended blur of Allison trying not to cry and failing at her end of the line.

"I won't even get to see you during Christmas break. I hate it so much. I won't get to see my big brother cause he got kidnapped by Arkansas!"

"Alli, it's going to be okay."

"Everyone keeps telling me that. That's not even the worst part though," Allison sniffled.

"What's the worst part then?"

"That both my big brothers are hurting and I can't do anything about it."

"We'll both be fine in the end."

"But there was something I really wanted so badly, cause I knew that it would make you both happy. It was all I wanted for the two of you."

"What did you want?"

There was a pause over the line as Allison pulled away and cleared her throat and sniffed.

"I really wanted you two to be together."

That hurt Kris more than it should have.

He did the best he could to try and comfort her over the phone, but there was only so much he could do, especially when he was stressing out himself. By the time he had hung up the phone, he'd had about five or six people looking at him. He left the bar without another word, making sure to leave a five dollar bill behind for the drink he'd had.

He ended up meandering around the quieter streets, thinking of all of the things he'd never done and all of the things he'd never get to do. He spotted younger couples taking a night out on the town. He saw a bike rider passing by in their garish reflective shorts. He saw an elderly woman walking her dog, talking to her granddaughter over the cell phone. He couldn't help but feel a pang inside when he realized that those would never be any memories he could own up to.

It was then he spotted Adam, standing outside a dingy looking bar with his face hidden in his hands. Against all reason, Kris walked over, trying to peer through Adam's fingers. His fingers brushed Adam's arm, making the other man put his hands down and look at him with exhausted eyes. Kris pulled his hand away, forcing himself to put his hands in his pockets as he tried to remain cool.

"Adam."

Adam wiped his eyes, his face remaining expressionless as he acknowledged the other man. "I thought you were going back to Arkansas today." There was hope hiding behind Adam's eyes.

"Tomorrow afternoon," Kris corrected, shuffling his feet.

"What time?" Adam kind of looked down at the pavement, biting his lip nervously.

"Around three in our time."

"...Do you need help taking things to the airport tomorrow?"

Their gazes snapped at one another. Kris wanted so badly to just hug Adam and never let him go, but for once logic won the battle, his shoulders simply slumping over in defeat.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm...fine."

"If you say so." Adam tried to step toward Kris, but the brunette promptly stepped back, afraid of having a repeat of Megan's stoop.

"I...I'm going to miss you. I know there was a lot of shit that went on for awhile, Adam, but. I'm glad you were there for me."

"You too."

Their words were stilted, bottled up. Kris did the only other thing he could do--he wrapped his arms around Adam, burying his head into his shoulder. He took bittersweet solace in the safety of Adam's arms, but like so many other things, dreams eventually wither away. Still hugging him, Adam whispered into Kris's ear.

"I'll never forget you."

They quickly let go, nodding at one another as they began to walk in opposite directions down the street. Kris forced himself not to call Adam's name or to look back. He just couldn't bring himself to do it, because cutting ties without regretting it later was an impossible thing to do. Emotions were overwhelming him, making his adrenaline kick in as he realized something important:

He was never going to see Adam again. That was it. It would be the last time that he heard his voice, felt his arms around him, actually talked to him. It was the last time that he would be able to tell anyone nearly anything and the last time he would ever feel that way again. It was the last time they would even be remotely close to each or hear of each other. It would be the last time that he would feel the happiest he had ever been in his life.

The stones in his mind kept hitting him one by one.

He loved Adam for nearly every damn reason.

Adam made him smile, made him laugh and even made him cry. He made Kris realize who he wanted to be and how he could get there and be that much better of a person. Kris admired him for the way his smile lit up an entire room, the way his face stood out from a mob of people.

Kris remembered how relieved he felt when he spotted Adam in the back during that one time he came to watch him at Manley's with Drake. He remembered how free he felt when they were walking down the street in Los Angeles and heading to the bakery. He couldn't forget seeing Adam's eyes light up as he remembered fondly the childhood memories related to the fresh-baked food in there. He recalled how they joked with each other over the cell phone when Kris had temporarily evaded the wrath of Ms. Abdul. He recalled the feeling of Adam's lips on his and the feeling of waking up that morning with his arms wrapped around him.

And then he remembered how much it hurt when Adam kicked him out of his apartment, how much it hurt not seeing him or hearing of him. He remembered how painful it was to hear Adam say that he just wanted to be friends with him, how painful it was when Kris tried to lie to himself and say that he was okay with that. He thought back to that night on Megan's stoop, when Adam looked just as lost and confused as Kris was, and how that stung later.

What really hurt the most though, was the thought of not having Adam in his life at all.

At that peculiar moment, Kris found himself repeating some of Adam the figure's last words to him:

"'There's a time in every man's life when he matures from a boy to an adult. The things he used to worry about become things of the past and he realizes what matters the most to him.'"

His doe eyes snapped open when he realized their significance, their true meaning.

Kristopher Allen realized that he never wanted to hurt Adam again--he couldn't.

He wouldn't.

He quickly pivoted around, his hopes rising when he spotted Adam still walking away amongst the crowd of people. Before he knew it, he started sprinting, not even caring that his knees hurt from the impact against the pavement. Silently, he made his way past strangers, accidentally shoving some out of the way. He was sorry, but he didn't care right now.

The wind ran through his hair as he found himself tackling Adam, burying his head into the back of the other man's shoulder as he started trembling, his fingers curling around Adam's waist.

"I can't do it, Adam, I can't do it....I can't just leave. I can understand if you don't want to, but I want to make things work with you." He had to pause, catch his breath. "I'm so sick of running away from how I really feel. It just...running away from you, thinking I'd never see you again...It hurts. I never want to feel that way again."

Tears rolled down Kris's face, soaking Adam's jacket. Kris thought that Adam would pull away, be disgusted with him, but he felt Adam softly holding onto his hands, trapping them there. Kris could hear Adam's heartbeat slow down and his shoulders turning into butter as they slumped over.

"You won't have to. I don't want you to." Adam's hands squeezed Kris's extra tightly, reassuring him that he wasn't going to wake up on a plane flying back to Arkansas.

"Welcome home, Kris."