(no subject)
just thought i'd stop by and say hello for whoever reads this.
so yeah, hi?
it's been four weeks since i left. and i don't think i've ever been more eager to come home in all of my life.
i don't necessarily feel 100% recovered. i probably won't ever. but i've reached a point where i am OKAY with food, where i am OKAY with gaining weight (well that's disputable depending on the day), where i am OKAY with letting go. i am desperate to let go. and i will. and i have. in so many ways.
this has been my longest attempt at health yet. and i am making enormous strides.
but i cannot deny the fact that my heart hurts everyday. and that i am still emotionally torn. and that being here, away from everyone and everything i love, fucking SUCKS.
i find myself disassociating throughout the day, fantasizing about how much better life will be when i return. i hope i'm not disappointed. i really don't.
as for right now, i'm sitting in the LR-B building, doing 'school work' (hah!), sitting next to leah beth, wearing my school sweater and contemplating everything revolving around my head at warp speed right now. it hurts. my head, that is.
it all just hurts so much.
i hate that as people, we must let go.
because god knows i havea serious shitload of baggage to divulge from my grasp.
it's really just unfortunate.
okay time to go. i actually have to go slurp down a Boost. love those things. cough, not.
bye.
so yeah, hi?
it's been four weeks since i left. and i don't think i've ever been more eager to come home in all of my life.
i don't necessarily feel 100% recovered. i probably won't ever. but i've reached a point where i am OKAY with food, where i am OKAY with gaining weight (well that's disputable depending on the day), where i am OKAY with letting go. i am desperate to let go. and i will. and i have. in so many ways.
this has been my longest attempt at health yet. and i am making enormous strides.
but i cannot deny the fact that my heart hurts everyday. and that i am still emotionally torn. and that being here, away from everyone and everything i love, fucking SUCKS.
i find myself disassociating throughout the day, fantasizing about how much better life will be when i return. i hope i'm not disappointed. i really don't.
as for right now, i'm sitting in the LR-B building, doing 'school work' (hah!), sitting next to leah beth, wearing my school sweater and contemplating everything revolving around my head at warp speed right now. it hurts. my head, that is.
it all just hurts so much.
i hate that as people, we must let go.
because god knows i havea serious shitload of baggage to divulge from my grasp.
it's really just unfortunate.
okay time to go. i actually have to go slurp down a Boost. love those things. cough, not.
bye.