(no subject)
well.
it was quite an interesting visit to amish country, lemme tell yah.
i passed out yesterday afternoon in the middle of a qvc outlet and have yet to retain full consciousness.
i haven't eaten any form of solid food save fruit in the past three - four days. possibly longer.
i fit into kristin's size zero jeans.
i'm disappearing. literally.
i'm tired. too tired. i'm sleeping 10 hours a night and waking up as if i never slept at all. i'm taking two hour naps to justify said exhaustion.
and yet, i'm convinced that i'm okay. that i have to be. that there's no time to be fucking around.
i still don't have answers. i won't even know anything until tomorrow.
everything is very vague right now.
all i know is that i am going to be in florida within the month.
probably for over a month.
i'm petrified. but simultaneously, i know this is good. it just has to be.
i'm tired of waiting. i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of being this.
whatever the fuck this is.
i know you'll forget about me. and i deserve that.
but god, how i wish you'd wait.
no one will.
i hope that by the time i get out, it won't matter half as much as it does now.
something tells me that's wishful thinking, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
when i leave this time, i will be different. i am 100% positive of that. i will not come back the same.
but i will come back.
i always come back.