Communication is Important
It's always interesting to see how one person's actions affect another, especially over time.
The other day Kid's mother called to see when she could come pick Kid up and spend the day with her. (We'd changed the scheduled visitation to get our time with Kid as well as allow the Mother to take a day off and spend time with her.) I had texted the mother asking if she was good with coming to pick Kid up between 12 and 1, she called to say that she'd been under the impression that she'd have Kid in the morning and wanted earlier.
We'd just woke up (9:30am). I let her know we were just getting up but I'd have Kid get some food and get dressed and we'd send a text to let her know Miss Kid was ready. She asked to speak to Kid so I passed the phone off. Kid was visibly upset and confused when she got off the phone so I asked what was up. Apparently her mother asked her if she was ready to go and told her to call her when she was ready to leave.
Naturally I find this rude and I'm a bit ticked off about it since if I say I'm going to do something then I do it. When asked a question I am as upfront about things as I can be. I found it rude that she felt the need to basically go behind my back as though I wouldn't actually contact her when Kid was ready to go.
We sat down for breakfast and Kid was eating more slowly then normal so I gently reminded her that her mother was waiting for her to eat and get dressed before coming to get her so she needed to hurry up. Kid nodded and then actually began to eat slower. Didn't seem like Kid was all that interested in seeing her mother but what can ya do?
Meanwhile, Lynn's gotten an offer on a job. It's a 2nd shift position and we're not completely thrilled over that but he's going to take it. So, starting Wednesday all I've heard from him was how unhappy he was going to be about not seeing Kid on Thursday nights and how he'll never be home now and he'll need more sleep. Over and over and over. Then he sat down with Kid to tell her and she wanted to tear up and say how awful it was that she'd miss time with him.
I will admit to getting thoroughly sick of the two of them by now because "Hi, I live here too and I'll be stuck alone at night" (Thanks to PTSD I'm not comfortable alone at night) and it's a nice paycheck, far more than he's making on unemployment. We can't live on unemployment, too much longer and we'll be without a place to live. Somehow the whole give Thursday nights up for a job seems more important to me than give up weekend visitation because we're living out of a car.
Anyhow, I've been asking him what details he knew about the hours. The only response I could get for 3 days was 2nd shift. "Right, but what about the details?" He shrugs and says "2nd shift." I'm about ready to bang my head against a wall. I ask again about possible days and hours that he'll be scheduled. He apparently knew it would be Mon - Fri (so he can stop freaking about 'maybe' missing her birthday party as that's on a Sunday) but decides to tell me that it could be a start time between 3pm and 5pm. Further conversation reveals that he doesn't actually know, he just pulled those numbers out of thin air. When I express frustration he asks if I even know what 2nd shift means.
Wait, what?
I have a temper, I know this. He knows this. We've talked before about not pushing my buttons just to see me explode all over the place. 3 days of this .... I can't handle it anymore. I lose it.
After I yell and end up in tears, angry at myself for losing it, angry at him for pushing me, angry at the world for existing, he says he can call to see when the hours actually are. Mon - Fri 2pm - 10pm. So now we can stop all this crap about how he'll never be home, how he'll need 'way' more sleep, and how he won't have time for me. Yes, that's basically what I've been getting for the last 3 days. Sick of it I tell you.
But, it all makes me wonder. Does Kid's mother feel the need to go behind somebody's back and set up a fall back thing because she's used to his way of not sharing all the information. Does she have no clue how rude such things are? Does Lynn not fully explain because he's expecting somebody else to go along behind him and verify information? On the other hand though if he asks me a question ("When will Dragon arrive?" "I don't know, he's leaving sometime Sat. morning and I assume will let me know when he's close, it's a 3 hour drive.") and I don't answer it to his satisfaction he repeatedly asks the same question expecting a different answer.
Neither of these communication styles are working, for anybody it seems. Unless the plan is to drive me crazy and make me yell mean things at various people. That part we apparently have down.
The other day Kid's mother called to see when she could come pick Kid up and spend the day with her. (We'd changed the scheduled visitation to get our time with Kid as well as allow the Mother to take a day off and spend time with her.) I had texted the mother asking if she was good with coming to pick Kid up between 12 and 1, she called to say that she'd been under the impression that she'd have Kid in the morning and wanted earlier.
We'd just woke up (9:30am). I let her know we were just getting up but I'd have Kid get some food and get dressed and we'd send a text to let her know Miss Kid was ready. She asked to speak to Kid so I passed the phone off. Kid was visibly upset and confused when she got off the phone so I asked what was up. Apparently her mother asked her if she was ready to go and told her to call her when she was ready to leave.
Naturally I find this rude and I'm a bit ticked off about it since if I say I'm going to do something then I do it. When asked a question I am as upfront about things as I can be. I found it rude that she felt the need to basically go behind my back as though I wouldn't actually contact her when Kid was ready to go.
We sat down for breakfast and Kid was eating more slowly then normal so I gently reminded her that her mother was waiting for her to eat and get dressed before coming to get her so she needed to hurry up. Kid nodded and then actually began to eat slower. Didn't seem like Kid was all that interested in seeing her mother but what can ya do?
Meanwhile, Lynn's gotten an offer on a job. It's a 2nd shift position and we're not completely thrilled over that but he's going to take it. So, starting Wednesday all I've heard from him was how unhappy he was going to be about not seeing Kid on Thursday nights and how he'll never be home now and he'll need more sleep. Over and over and over. Then he sat down with Kid to tell her and she wanted to tear up and say how awful it was that she'd miss time with him.
I will admit to getting thoroughly sick of the two of them by now because "Hi, I live here too and I'll be stuck alone at night" (Thanks to PTSD I'm not comfortable alone at night) and it's a nice paycheck, far more than he's making on unemployment. We can't live on unemployment, too much longer and we'll be without a place to live. Somehow the whole give Thursday nights up for a job seems more important to me than give up weekend visitation because we're living out of a car.
Anyhow, I've been asking him what details he knew about the hours. The only response I could get for 3 days was 2nd shift. "Right, but what about the details?" He shrugs and says "2nd shift." I'm about ready to bang my head against a wall. I ask again about possible days and hours that he'll be scheduled. He apparently knew it would be Mon - Fri (so he can stop freaking about 'maybe' missing her birthday party as that's on a Sunday) but decides to tell me that it could be a start time between 3pm and 5pm. Further conversation reveals that he doesn't actually know, he just pulled those numbers out of thin air. When I express frustration he asks if I even know what 2nd shift means.
Wait, what?
I have a temper, I know this. He knows this. We've talked before about not pushing my buttons just to see me explode all over the place. 3 days of this .... I can't handle it anymore. I lose it.
After I yell and end up in tears, angry at myself for losing it, angry at him for pushing me, angry at the world for existing, he says he can call to see when the hours actually are. Mon - Fri 2pm - 10pm. So now we can stop all this crap about how he'll never be home, how he'll need 'way' more sleep, and how he won't have time for me. Yes, that's basically what I've been getting for the last 3 days. Sick of it I tell you.
But, it all makes me wonder. Does Kid's mother feel the need to go behind somebody's back and set up a fall back thing because she's used to his way of not sharing all the information. Does she have no clue how rude such things are? Does Lynn not fully explain because he's expecting somebody else to go along behind him and verify information? On the other hand though if he asks me a question ("When will Dragon arrive?" "I don't know, he's leaving sometime Sat. morning and I assume will let me know when he's close, it's a 3 hour drive.") and I don't answer it to his satisfaction he repeatedly asks the same question expecting a different answer.
Neither of these communication styles are working, for anybody it seems. Unless the plan is to drive me crazy and make me yell mean things at various people. That part we apparently have down.