I Am ... So There
Let me take a moment to pull this knife out of my back. It'll be a great help when I lance this festering wound you've left me with.
I know damn well I'm not what you envisioned when you thought of me. I'm not of your world and it drives you bonkers. On the one hand it's not a far drive for you ... and on the other? It's not up to you.
You don't understand me. You don't get my religion. You can't fathom my reasons for my lifestyle. You can't see past your blinders to understand my interests.
My religion? Since when do you have any reason to suggest that I follow one over the other? You've had nothing to do with me my whole life, even when you were given the option of being a part of my life, you didn't. You weren't there to offer sympathy or emotional padding. You didn't spy the bruises that I tried to hide. You didn't see how time and time again other religions let me down, blew me off, or flat out ignored me. I've found comfort and peace in my path. You seem pretty damn lost with your lack of faith. I find that disturbing. You have nowhere to turn and yet you're convinced that my way is wrong just because I don't line up with your expectations? Please.
You want to tell me my relationships are wrong. You want to lecture me about how I shouldn't have gotten married if I was going to have somebody (or two) on the side. How fucking dare you. You spend your days miserable because you're counting down to having to go home and deal with the harridan you married. You drink and smoke to deal with the stress of your life that your significant other brings you. You sneer at me when I abstain from such things. You look askance at me when you remember that my guys are 10-20 years older than me. I spend my days counting down the time until I get to wrap my arms around my Love, be he my husband or boyfriend. I find joy, love, and happiness in their feelings for me. I smile and laugh, all sincere, never faked. Why? Because I'm HAPPY! I don't think you know how to even process that and it frustrates you.
Just who the hell are you to imply that I'm broken just because I don't line up with your expectations of me? I enjoy staying home and greeting my Beloved when he walks through the door. I take pride in having dinner for him when he's home. What's that? I'm putting woman back 50 years? Bullshit. Women fought for equality, for the right to choose. And you know what? I CHOOSE to have dinner for my man, to do little things that show him I love him. I CHOOSE to tell him how happy he makes me. You? You bitch and whine, snipe and snark at your significant other.
I have pursuits that actually bring me happiness. I delight in rolling some dice around for a few hours. I pour my soul out through the words I write. I use my hands to create beautiful things. I sing and dance my way through life with a smile and honest laughter.
I don't meet with your expectations because I'm not of your world. I'm of a world that lives and breathes joy.
I will give you one thing. I 'am' broken. I am 'not' broken simply because I don't fit your mold. I am broken because of hateful, abusive people like you. Nasty people who felt the need to spread their vile words and share their fists are what broke me. Lies and deceit are what broke me. But you know what?
I don't need fixing.
I may be broken but I'm still beautiful damn it.
I am beautiful and I am loved.
Just
As
I
Am.
I know damn well I'm not what you envisioned when you thought of me. I'm not of your world and it drives you bonkers. On the one hand it's not a far drive for you ... and on the other? It's not up to you.
You don't understand me. You don't get my religion. You can't fathom my reasons for my lifestyle. You can't see past your blinders to understand my interests.
My religion? Since when do you have any reason to suggest that I follow one over the other? You've had nothing to do with me my whole life, even when you were given the option of being a part of my life, you didn't. You weren't there to offer sympathy or emotional padding. You didn't spy the bruises that I tried to hide. You didn't see how time and time again other religions let me down, blew me off, or flat out ignored me. I've found comfort and peace in my path. You seem pretty damn lost with your lack of faith. I find that disturbing. You have nowhere to turn and yet you're convinced that my way is wrong just because I don't line up with your expectations? Please.
You want to tell me my relationships are wrong. You want to lecture me about how I shouldn't have gotten married if I was going to have somebody (or two) on the side. How fucking dare you. You spend your days miserable because you're counting down to having to go home and deal with the harridan you married. You drink and smoke to deal with the stress of your life that your significant other brings you. You sneer at me when I abstain from such things. You look askance at me when you remember that my guys are 10-20 years older than me. I spend my days counting down the time until I get to wrap my arms around my Love, be he my husband or boyfriend. I find joy, love, and happiness in their feelings for me. I smile and laugh, all sincere, never faked. Why? Because I'm HAPPY! I don't think you know how to even process that and it frustrates you.
Just who the hell are you to imply that I'm broken just because I don't line up with your expectations of me? I enjoy staying home and greeting my Beloved when he walks through the door. I take pride in having dinner for him when he's home. What's that? I'm putting woman back 50 years? Bullshit. Women fought for equality, for the right to choose. And you know what? I CHOOSE to have dinner for my man, to do little things that show him I love him. I CHOOSE to tell him how happy he makes me. You? You bitch and whine, snipe and snark at your significant other.
I have pursuits that actually bring me happiness. I delight in rolling some dice around for a few hours. I pour my soul out through the words I write. I use my hands to create beautiful things. I sing and dance my way through life with a smile and honest laughter.
I don't meet with your expectations because I'm not of your world. I'm of a world that lives and breathes joy.
I will give you one thing. I 'am' broken. I am 'not' broken simply because I don't fit your mold. I am broken because of hateful, abusive people like you. Nasty people who felt the need to spread their vile words and share their fists are what broke me. Lies and deceit are what broke me. But you know what?
I don't need fixing.
I may be broken but I'm still beautiful damn it.
I am beautiful and I am loved.
Just
As
I
Am.