Resistance is not always futile
It's odd to realize that you're in the middle of a fog. Normally I only realize it as I'm coming out of it.
I've been fighting this slow sink into a haze of depression. It's hard to care about anything and I see it manifesting in other ways. I'm not keeping the house as neat as I was a week ago. Not to say that it's trashed, just that it's a bit messier than I prefer. And I know that just seeing things as they are is part of what seems to be sucking the energy from me. The laundry from Sunday still needs to be put away. The air mattress needs to be returned to the closet. I need to find my desk ... again. Vacuuming and mopping needs to happen again. Part of the problem is that I know that nobody cares. I don't have a reason to keep house, not yet anyhow.
I get tired of going through and cleaning just to turn and find it all messed up again. And it's frustrating on another level because I don't have somebody to enjoy it with. Yeah, I know I don't 'need' somebody with me at all times. I'm perfectly happy playing lone wolf often; but once in a while spending hours with my loved ones and not thinking about time limits or such would be nice. I know we'll get there, it's just a matter of time.
I think the best answer for me tonight is going to be clean and clean again, get things back to how they belong. I also plan on making a couple of phone calls and talking to those that I love, to touch base, to reconnect.
I've been fighting this slow sink into a haze of depression. It's hard to care about anything and I see it manifesting in other ways. I'm not keeping the house as neat as I was a week ago. Not to say that it's trashed, just that it's a bit messier than I prefer. And I know that just seeing things as they are is part of what seems to be sucking the energy from me. The laundry from Sunday still needs to be put away. The air mattress needs to be returned to the closet. I need to find my desk ... again. Vacuuming and mopping needs to happen again. Part of the problem is that I know that nobody cares. I don't have a reason to keep house, not yet anyhow.
I get tired of going through and cleaning just to turn and find it all messed up again. And it's frustrating on another level because I don't have somebody to enjoy it with. Yeah, I know I don't 'need' somebody with me at all times. I'm perfectly happy playing lone wolf often; but once in a while spending hours with my loved ones and not thinking about time limits or such would be nice. I know we'll get there, it's just a matter of time.
I think the best answer for me tonight is going to be clean and clean again, get things back to how they belong. I also plan on making a couple of phone calls and talking to those that I love, to touch base, to reconnect.