Run, Run, Fast as You Can
Friday we were scheduled for a game but it was looking like it was going to be rather full and I had so many things to get done at home. I was having a rough day, including a lovely panic attack as I realized just how little time I really don't have to get far too many things done. So I indulged in a little retail shopping which resulted in yet another panic attack at the store because I'm just not pretty enough to wear the shiny things I was looking at to be a nice surprise for the boyfriend. He mentioned he'd like seeing me in something pretty and lacy so I was going to indulge, to feel pretty. I apparently have too many years of being told I'm fat and ugly. But I bought it anyway and said to hell with it. Small victories, we take them where we can find them. Since no series is complete without a third, well, why the hell not. Lynn didn't seem to notice that there's a whole crap-load of work that needs doing at the house and seemed rather Meh on if anything gets done. So yet another panic attack on having just way too much to do.
Saturday was yet another busy day. Lynn and Miss Kid were off to get tickets for that evening. I stayed home, caught up on a bit of sleep and then started working on fixing my quilt square. I reached a spot where I'd have to pull out the fabric to replace a couple squares so I pulled out the spinning wheel instead and played with that a bit. Speaking of, I should share pictures of all the cool fun things I've acquired lately. Once they came home we were off to lunch and a gaming session. We wrapped up the adventure setting with a TPK and wrote up new characters for a completely different system, Ambition & Avarice. Then it was off to Miller for the performance. Naturally we had to have an argument before we got there about trying to locate a Starbucks to the point where I finally just said to hell with it and we went straight to the theater. Listening to the girl with the map in her hand is usually a good idea, by the way. We were there early so I went and found a tree to sit under for a bit to refocus myself. The performance was really interesting, though I had to giggle as the music they started with sounded like something straight out of a Kubrick movie.
Sunday I woke up feeling just outright horrible. I've had lots of ... female problems for the last couple of weeks, off and on. Apparently my body decided Sunday was the day to strangle me with them. I sent Lynn and Miss Kid off to fighter practice, took a little bit of everything, and went back to bed. I'd canceled my spot in the carpool to Galveston for the hotel walk through, though I felt guilty about it. I woke up and realized I needed to make a store run so grabbed some clothes and took care of that. I decided I was feeling up to the trip and called to see if I could still make it. So that meant running home, throwing on jeans instead of shorts and dashing out to my ride. It was a long day, but lots of notes, lots of ideas, and a bit of planning even happened. When Lynn got home he seemed rather ... not mad but not terribly happy, about having to take care of himself and Miss Kid for the day, make sure she did her homework, and then have a conversation with her mother about various things (all stuff I typically do).
There's too much to do around the house and I can't do it all alone. He's got an online game he's playing and that seems to take a lot of time. Yes, I promised to help on all these other projects because I believe in them and I love my boss in the sense that I would do anything I could to help him achieve the vision he has. I was also under the impression that I'd have help around the house. If I say anything it's very quickly pointed out that he does help. He doesn't understand that doing the absolute minimum and generally only when I complain just isn't doing enough.
I'm living a life of very quiet desperation right now. He's very loving and helpful if he doesn't have something to obsess over, generally gaming of some sort. He very simply doesn't understand moderation, in anything. At this point I can't slow down because it'll all come crashing down. If I just keep running, from one project / problem to the next, then I don't have to think about the other things until I'm face to face with them. This is foolhardy and can't possibly last. And yet .. right now I have no other way to deal with things since I feel more alone than when I divorced.
Saturday was yet another busy day. Lynn and Miss Kid were off to get tickets for that evening. I stayed home, caught up on a bit of sleep and then started working on fixing my quilt square. I reached a spot where I'd have to pull out the fabric to replace a couple squares so I pulled out the spinning wheel instead and played with that a bit. Speaking of, I should share pictures of all the cool fun things I've acquired lately. Once they came home we were off to lunch and a gaming session. We wrapped up the adventure setting with a TPK and wrote up new characters for a completely different system, Ambition & Avarice. Then it was off to Miller for the performance. Naturally we had to have an argument before we got there about trying to locate a Starbucks to the point where I finally just said to hell with it and we went straight to the theater. Listening to the girl with the map in her hand is usually a good idea, by the way. We were there early so I went and found a tree to sit under for a bit to refocus myself. The performance was really interesting, though I had to giggle as the music they started with sounded like something straight out of a Kubrick movie.
Sunday I woke up feeling just outright horrible. I've had lots of ... female problems for the last couple of weeks, off and on. Apparently my body decided Sunday was the day to strangle me with them. I sent Lynn and Miss Kid off to fighter practice, took a little bit of everything, and went back to bed. I'd canceled my spot in the carpool to Galveston for the hotel walk through, though I felt guilty about it. I woke up and realized I needed to make a store run so grabbed some clothes and took care of that. I decided I was feeling up to the trip and called to see if I could still make it. So that meant running home, throwing on jeans instead of shorts and dashing out to my ride. It was a long day, but lots of notes, lots of ideas, and a bit of planning even happened. When Lynn got home he seemed rather ... not mad but not terribly happy, about having to take care of himself and Miss Kid for the day, make sure she did her homework, and then have a conversation with her mother about various things (all stuff I typically do).
There's too much to do around the house and I can't do it all alone. He's got an online game he's playing and that seems to take a lot of time. Yes, I promised to help on all these other projects because I believe in them and I love my boss in the sense that I would do anything I could to help him achieve the vision he has. I was also under the impression that I'd have help around the house. If I say anything it's very quickly pointed out that he does help. He doesn't understand that doing the absolute minimum and generally only when I complain just isn't doing enough.
I'm living a life of very quiet desperation right now. He's very loving and helpful if he doesn't have something to obsess over, generally gaming of some sort. He very simply doesn't understand moderation, in anything. At this point I can't slow down because it'll all come crashing down. If I just keep running, from one project / problem to the next, then I don't have to think about the other things until I'm face to face with them. This is foolhardy and can't possibly last. And yet .. right now I have no other way to deal with things since I feel more alone than when I divorced.