Paranoid False Doubt
I know fear, I don't understand why I'm afraid but I can't help it. I know that it's all in my mind but I can't help that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. That feeling that keeps telling me this is all a game and none of it is real. Like the universe is playing a big practical joke on me. At the same time how ever I know happieness, so rare in my life that I am happy. I don't want to lose this feeling. I fear that my paranoia will be my demise and in the end I will ruin my self. Even in writing this I have already begun the down ward spiral. I hope I can find the light and pull out of it before it is too late. However my depression seems to get the best of me at times like this, at times when I don't feel in control. I know that despite the situation every thing is just fine I just have to keep reminding my self of this and I know it will be ok. I really wish I could take my own advice but I have such a hard time doing that. I am happy and I will stay this way, I refuse to let myself be be my own destroyer I have done it too many times in the past. I will defeat my own fears! To whom it may concern I have faith in myself and you. Don't let my delusions come in the way, please. Oh to live in this dream we call life would be a nightmare without you.