I don't know when I last posted here, but I know it's been awhile. All I know this is that I'm coming back into the shadows from the Light of the mundane world. I feel like I'm coming home again
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Good points. What's really strange about the whole thing is that I found I had more power when I stepped down from the leadership role to a Man-in-Black role, but when I tried to function in that role, I think it surprised the new leaders. They did not see that I was acting on behalf of other group members; they thought I was trying to gain prestige/power for myself. Or maybe they knew, but did not want to see. Of course, I completely bumbled it in how I approached the issue--that is, I reacted very badly when they told me their thoughts. I do have a bit of a "being accused of something that's not true" button that they hit pretty hard and my emotions kind of took over. It's not entirely surprising that they then thought the INITIAL issue was personal. What bothered me was that they never gave me a chance to explain things, and they never truly listened to what I was saying. I had thought we were committing to each other as individuals, but they saw my opinion as divisive to group cohesiveness. At least, I think that way when I'm feeling generous ;). Other times, I get kind of vindictive and angry, and think they knew what they were doing and knew they had to get rid of me so that I wouldn't be able to be Man-in-Black: they didn't want anyone protecting the other group members. The fact that three of them decided and then "told" the others what their decision was (and the other three went along probably out of not wanting to create waves, although one of them told me she thought it was probably best for me, which I'd have to agree with) makes me suspect this latter option more than I'd like to.
But that isn't the only time that I've experienced a group of people getting together and then being flung apart rather violently. I was more on the sidelines of that explosion, and I know some of the issues going on in it, also . . . and it just made me wonder if it was a reaction of power. I was thinking more about this second time when I originally posted, because about a year ago, my best friend had a feeling we might "all" live together on the West coast somewhere. But his "all" was different from mine, and I remembered that I'm actually the only one left who still considers one of the members a friend (because my mission is to speak for the guilty--I don't have to agree that the action is right, but I do make a distinction between a bad action and a bad person -- and in my opinion, there are very few (if any) actually bad people -- but that's a completely different discussion).
But that isn't the only time that I've experienced a group of people getting together and then being flung apart rather violently. I was more on the sidelines of that explosion, and I know some of the issues going on in it, also . . . and it just made me wonder if it was a reaction of power. I was thinking more about this second time when I originally posted, because about a year ago, my best friend had a feeling we might "all" live together on the West coast somewhere. But his "all" was different from mine, and I remembered that I'm actually the only one left who still considers one of the members a friend (because my mission is to speak for the guilty--I don't have to agree that the action is right, but I do make a distinction between a bad action and a bad person -- and in my opinion, there are very few (if any) actually bad people -- but that's a completely different discussion).
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