Depression
Depression hits without warning... It makes you feel horrible and unwanted. It makes you feel like no one understands you and no one really cares. It feels like your heart is sinking into a black hole that appeared in the pit of your tummy. Its heavy. and undesirable. It can feel like you are the ugliest person alive inside and out. Without permission it invades your mind and takes over your sences. It sends you down into a bleak spirl that never ends. A few people that have these feelings everyday think that the world would be better without them, that there life is meaningless. And they would want / try / succeed in hurting themselves and others. And to think. normal people think that beening depressed is nothing at all.. But for the person experiancing these feelings; its the world. And for people like me... its so very hard to get out of this state. For me its being antisocal and dissappearing from all of those who care. Its not speaking or yelling uncontrolably. And with me being Bi-Polar 2 its even harder to come out into the light. Its like sitting in your room with the shades turned down and the lights off... blackness takes over my mind and my heart and its sooo hard to talk to people about it. I was never one to accually tell my feelings, its hard to explain verbally. Its putting feelings into words. If a picture is worth a thousand words... then feelings would be a million. I know this sounds like a turn paper for some Phyc Class but these are the feelings i am feeling now.
My smoking has increased and my sleeping has decreased.. I think that i am afraid to sleep because of the dreams that follow. Nightmares really. There so vivid and feel so real.. that it really breaks my heart when i wake up and remember them. I think that they are alittle to graphic to explain on My Space, but if you really want to know. I can tell you. just call or im me. It would take alittle convicing at first but all in all i always break down. Experiancing Depression and Manic depression is a one of a kind feeling. In a bad way. Normal depression is being sad and moopy. Manic is being over dramaic. All my life i have been told i was ADD, Dislexic, depressed and a slow learner.. But in reality I discoverd that all of those things mean i am Bi-Polar 2... bi-polar 2 is a worse degree of bi polar... theres 1 and 2.. And if i dont take my medication I could most likely hurt myself or others. Thats how bad i am.. When i get to the point that I can not control myself .. try not to bother me.. i can get violent. But i just hate getting that way.. and i dont even mean it.. it just happens sometimes when i get so messed up that i just crack.
Right now i am depressed and i am trying to get over it.. so i am sorry if this whole blog offense you in any way. or if you learned a thing or two about me. I am a very nice and caring person. Ask everyone that knows me. But when i get into those kinds of moods its scary.
My smoking has increased and my sleeping has decreased.. I think that i am afraid to sleep because of the dreams that follow. Nightmares really. There so vivid and feel so real.. that it really breaks my heart when i wake up and remember them. I think that they are alittle to graphic to explain on My Space, but if you really want to know. I can tell you. just call or im me. It would take alittle convicing at first but all in all i always break down. Experiancing Depression and Manic depression is a one of a kind feeling. In a bad way. Normal depression is being sad and moopy. Manic is being over dramaic. All my life i have been told i was ADD, Dislexic, depressed and a slow learner.. But in reality I discoverd that all of those things mean i am Bi-Polar 2... bi-polar 2 is a worse degree of bi polar... theres 1 and 2.. And if i dont take my medication I could most likely hurt myself or others. Thats how bad i am.. When i get to the point that I can not control myself .. try not to bother me.. i can get violent. But i just hate getting that way.. and i dont even mean it.. it just happens sometimes when i get so messed up that i just crack.
Right now i am depressed and i am trying to get over it.. so i am sorry if this whole blog offense you in any way. or if you learned a thing or two about me. I am a very nice and caring person. Ask everyone that knows me. But when i get into those kinds of moods its scary.