Not The Boy Next Door
As per usual, there's not much happening in my life. But on the off chance that someone's actually using this to keep tabs on me, I should at least document that fact, no?
Academic - Still doing battle with the paper that wouldn't die. I think I've finally dealt it a mortal blow, now that both my advisors have a clear understanding of what was and was not done in the generation of data. Granted, I thought they both had said clear idea a year and a half ago. The ASSUME theory is in full effect. Anyway, we're kicking it around for final changes and I hope to submit the damned thing this week. That means next week is the official start of dissertation season - 40+ hours/week of typing up what I've done and leaving holes for the work I have yet to do. Fortunately, I have a few good frameworks to draw from, so I'm actually in pretty good shape.
Social - Well, I admittedly spent most of Carnival hiding from people. Not proud of myself for that. Not particularly apologetic about it, though, given the repeated drunk calls on Wednesday night and the invasion of my lab on Friday. Particularly when the 30 minute intrusion leads to three hours of lost work. But that's a different rant. Games-wise, Shadowrun is shaping up as not entirely wasted. I doubt it will be the most socially stimulating thing I do that day, considering it's in competition with the Student Dance Association (which I tech direct for) and the WoW guild meetings (which I run), but it is a nice change of pace. IOU seems to be bent on a plot arc that my character does not give a DAMN about, barring James throwing something more mundane at me. And Amber is turning into a situation where my unique abilities are overshadowed by NPCs and my generalist bent is rendered useless by highly specialized situations. Once this situation resolves, it will be a serious force of will to see if I hang around. I'm not getting anything I can sink my teeth into, because it's all the problems of another Court that I ethically won't manipulate to my good. I know that ethics will only get me hurt in an Amber game, but I don't care.
Personal - I feel like I'm caught in a vicious cats' cradle scenario. Hopelessly tangled in the strands of human connection, there's not going to be a good way for me to make a clean exit from the area come graduation, whenever that is. I blame myself for not being enough of an asshole. I don't tell people what they need to hear, I tell them what they want to hear. And I've done that for so long in most cases that there's now way to start now without being unnecessarily cruel. In the few cases where I know I have to move on because of various social situations that have come about, I can't bring myself to set up the clean severance I know the situation demands. Damn.
And now, some lyrics that have been kind of life-defining lately.
Not The Boy Next Door
Comin' home used to feel so good
I'm a stranger now in my neighborhood
I've seen the world at a faster pace
And I'm comin' now from a different place
Though I may look the same way to you
Underneath there is somebody new
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door
You've been savin' those souvenirs
Faded photographs from my foolish years
We made plans, but they're wearin' thin
And they won't work out
'Cause I don't fit in
And those memories will just
Weigh me down
'Cause I got no place to keep 'em uptown
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door
And I'm sorry for just bein' me
But if you'd look past the past
You could see that
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door
Academic - Still doing battle with the paper that wouldn't die. I think I've finally dealt it a mortal blow, now that both my advisors have a clear understanding of what was and was not done in the generation of data. Granted, I thought they both had said clear idea a year and a half ago. The ASSUME theory is in full effect. Anyway, we're kicking it around for final changes and I hope to submit the damned thing this week. That means next week is the official start of dissertation season - 40+ hours/week of typing up what I've done and leaving holes for the work I have yet to do. Fortunately, I have a few good frameworks to draw from, so I'm actually in pretty good shape.
Social - Well, I admittedly spent most of Carnival hiding from people. Not proud of myself for that. Not particularly apologetic about it, though, given the repeated drunk calls on Wednesday night and the invasion of my lab on Friday. Particularly when the 30 minute intrusion leads to three hours of lost work. But that's a different rant. Games-wise, Shadowrun is shaping up as not entirely wasted. I doubt it will be the most socially stimulating thing I do that day, considering it's in competition with the Student Dance Association (which I tech direct for) and the WoW guild meetings (which I run), but it is a nice change of pace. IOU seems to be bent on a plot arc that my character does not give a DAMN about, barring James throwing something more mundane at me. And Amber is turning into a situation where my unique abilities are overshadowed by NPCs and my generalist bent is rendered useless by highly specialized situations. Once this situation resolves, it will be a serious force of will to see if I hang around. I'm not getting anything I can sink my teeth into, because it's all the problems of another Court that I ethically won't manipulate to my good. I know that ethics will only get me hurt in an Amber game, but I don't care.
Personal - I feel like I'm caught in a vicious cats' cradle scenario. Hopelessly tangled in the strands of human connection, there's not going to be a good way for me to make a clean exit from the area come graduation, whenever that is. I blame myself for not being enough of an asshole. I don't tell people what they need to hear, I tell them what they want to hear. And I've done that for so long in most cases that there's now way to start now without being unnecessarily cruel. In the few cases where I know I have to move on because of various social situations that have come about, I can't bring myself to set up the clean severance I know the situation demands. Damn.
And now, some lyrics that have been kind of life-defining lately.
Not The Boy Next Door
Comin' home used to feel so good
I'm a stranger now in my neighborhood
I've seen the world at a faster pace
And I'm comin' now from a different place
Though I may look the same way to you
Underneath there is somebody new
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door
You've been savin' those souvenirs
Faded photographs from my foolish years
We made plans, but they're wearin' thin
And they won't work out
'Cause I don't fit in
And those memories will just
Weigh me down
'Cause I got no place to keep 'em uptown
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door
And I'm sorry for just bein' me
But if you'd look past the past
You could see that
I am not the boy next door
I don't belong like I did before
Nothin' ever seems like it used to be
You can have your dreams
But you can't have me
I can't go back there anymore
'Cause I am not the boy next door