Love Changes Everything.
Life. It goes onward. And since I'm not actually lamenting that fact, I suppose that it's a good thing. It's either that or I've stopped giving a shit, but certain social arena events lead me to think it's the former.
In terms of academics, I should have probably waited until tomorrow to update this because things there could swing rapidly. But if they do, hey - another excuse to update. Tomorrow, I'm sitting down with my advisors to have our last discussion on the content of my dissertation. This is less formally known as the 'shit-to-do' list as far as getting out of here is concerned. If it's what I think it is - single-filler analysis on the current materials - I'm fine. If it's more historical or involves the multiple-filler combinations, I'm hurting.
For those of you familiar with my research, please feel free to skip this paragraph. For those of you that are not, the thrust of the research is to develop a plastic-carbon composite for use in fuel cells. My particular area of interest is the heat transfer properties of said composite. I started out knowing what plastic we were using, and what one of the three fillers would be. We're adding nanoparticle carbon for electrical and mechanical properties, microparticle carbon for electrical and thermal properties, and fibrous carbon for thermal and mechanical properties. I know the nanoparticle. I've been running screening studies on 4 microparticles (mostly done now) and 7 fibers (in progress). I also have to develop a model for thermal conductivity out of all this for predictive work. Now, if I only have to do work for the single filler systems, I'm good, since that's mostly done or will be in a couple of months. If I have to do combinations where we mix the selected particles together, it will hurt and I'll probbaly be here until August.
For those of you that skipped ahead, welcome back. Academically, other than that, it's pretty tame. No presentations or such on the immediate radar, so I can just get work done. Assuming I can get enough sleep to deal with things, that is.
Social arena. The Amber game is getting interesting. What with people running their own plots, being conniving/manipulative/deceitful, and the like, I took the opportunity that presented itself to run for a nice deep foxhole. I plan on coming out, but whether or not my sanity gets to come along is something else entirely. The IOU game reached its terminus for the semester last night, and the session was rather enjoyable once the obnoxiousness of dealing with a forgotten scene was remedied. It ran a little longer than I meant it to, but the delay let us finish in one night instead of two, so all is good. From there I went up to meet with an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while. Bullshitting and karaoke ensued, and I somehow managed to not get my ass kicked by singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra in a primarily country establishment. And, considering that it's a belter song for me and I only slightly murdered the first 8 bars before I locked on the key, I think I sold it well. I had couples come out to the dancefloor adjacent to the stage for it, at least. Imagine's trial by fire comes this weekend. That whole party dynamic got more than slightly out of hand, and I hope it didn't lead to irrevocabilities.
Personal arena. Once things quieted down at work, things quieted down in my head. I'm still working through a few things (and have plans for Christmas related to that), but by and large my setbacks have been less frequent and less crippling for my psyche. I'm starting to let personal interactions resolve to their natural state of affairs, as opposed to the ones I was forcing them into for my personal reasons, and I'm getting a lot less tense and irritable for it. However, it has had one side effect that I by no means expected.
You see, there's this girl. I first met her about a year and a half ago at a theater show. We talked a bit before and during, and it seemed like things clicked pretty well. School got going again, and we kind of lost track of each other. We ran into each other again this summer through a mutual acquaintance, got to talking again, and this time I made it more of a priority to keep the lines of communication open once classes started back up. From what I know of her, we seem to have a lot in common - we both sing, are theatre/arts type people, and definitely have more than our share of inner geek/dork/nerd. She's witty, eloquent, has a wonderful personality and is attractive as well. *sigh* And that's the problem. I definitely want to know if these feelings are reciprocal, but when I've been in this situation in the past, asking that question has blown up some of my most prized friendships. I've stayed in contact with them (at least, the ones that are still living), but the friendship lost a lot of its spark once they knew what I really thought of them. So for those of you that have been there, I could really use some advice on how you'd go about handling this if you were in my position.
Thank you for reading this far.
Love Changes Everything - Aspects of Love, Andrew Lloyd Webber
Love, love changes everything:
Hands and faces, earth and sky,
Love, love changes everything:
How you live and how you die
Love can make the summer fly,
Or a night seem like a lifetime.
Yes, love, love changes everything:
Now I tremble at your name.
Nothing in the world will ever be the same.
Love, love changes everything:
Days are longer, words mean more.
Love, love changes everything:
Pain is deeper than before.
Love will turn your world around,
And that world will last for ever.
Yes, love, love changes everything,
Brings you glory, brings you shame.
Nothing in the world will ever be the same.
Off into the world we go,
Planning futures, shaping years.
Love bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom disappears.
Love makes fools of everyone:
All the rules we make are broken.
Yes, love, love changes everyone.
Live or perish in its flame.
Love will never, never let you be the same.
Love will never, never let you be the same.
LOOKING THROUGH THE EYES OF LOVE - Ice Castles Theme, Melissa Manchester
Please, don't let this feeling end,
It's ev'rything I am,
Ev'rything I wanna be;
I can see what's mine now,
Finding out what's true,
Since I've found you
Lookin' through the eyes of love
Now I can take the time,
I can see my life
As it comes on shining now;
Reachin' out to touch you,
I can feel so much,
Since I've found you
Lookin' through the eyes of love.
And now I do believe,
That even in a storm, we'll find some light;
Knowing you're beside me,
I'm alright.
Please, don't let this feeling end,
It might not come again;
And I want to remember
How it feels to touch you;
How I feel so much,
Since I've found you
Looking through the eyes of love.
My Way - Frank Sinatra
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and ev’ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!