(no subject)
I hate being alone all of the time but sometimes I wish I could just like, stay locked up in my room all of the time so I wouldn't bore anyone or say to wrong things and offend them.
And I wish I wasn't such a burden on everyone. From the way I see it, I'm always asking for things or just flat out being a bitch, or at least that's what people tell me. And apparently I'm really clingy or some shit and I always need everyone's lives to revolve around me...
I try not to be a horrible person but when people continuously ask me if I'm pissed off because I'm not smiling or tell me I'm a bitch because I don't agree with something they say it pisses me off.
Ok, there I go again. Avoiding things, hiding, running away. It's all I'm good at, it's all I was taught. That's what my dad always did, I learned it from him...
Why can't people just leave me alone sometimes? And listen to me when I ask them to? I listen to everyone and then when I have something I want to talk about, someone else has something more 'important' going on so I listen to them instead.
And people misjudge me and take things I say way out of context and blow them way out of perportion. Sometimes I just need to go away. I'm not good at talking about things that I'm mad about because I don't like offending people. I live in this constant, visious circle and I need a really big change to help me get over this part of my life. Maybe college will be it. Or maybe I'll still be stuck with the same no-job, hold-everything-in-and-be-a-bitch-all-the-while life, nagging grandfather, asshole stepdad, avoidant father, stuck-up-my-beau's-ass mother, lying brother in law, on-again, off-again friendships with losers I don't need in my life. But I'm still worried about losing my other friends, my real friends. The only two I ever spend time with. I'm worried about making new friends and doing the same thing to Liz and Becca that Sara did to me...
Being this stressed makes me want to throw up. I'm going to go make a caccoon from in my blankets and stay there until tomorrow morning... or maybe I'll go back to Liz's and straighten things out like Becca want's. Who cares what I want? I better do what Liz and Becca want, like always...
And I wish I wasn't such a burden on everyone. From the way I see it, I'm always asking for things or just flat out being a bitch, or at least that's what people tell me. And apparently I'm really clingy or some shit and I always need everyone's lives to revolve around me...
I try not to be a horrible person but when people continuously ask me if I'm pissed off because I'm not smiling or tell me I'm a bitch because I don't agree with something they say it pisses me off.
Ok, there I go again. Avoiding things, hiding, running away. It's all I'm good at, it's all I was taught. That's what my dad always did, I learned it from him...
Why can't people just leave me alone sometimes? And listen to me when I ask them to? I listen to everyone and then when I have something I want to talk about, someone else has something more 'important' going on so I listen to them instead.
And people misjudge me and take things I say way out of context and blow them way out of perportion. Sometimes I just need to go away. I'm not good at talking about things that I'm mad about because I don't like offending people. I live in this constant, visious circle and I need a really big change to help me get over this part of my life. Maybe college will be it. Or maybe I'll still be stuck with the same no-job, hold-everything-in-and-be-a-bitch-all-the-while life, nagging grandfather, asshole stepdad, avoidant father, stuck-up-my-beau's-ass mother, lying brother in law, on-again, off-again friendships with losers I don't need in my life. But I'm still worried about losing my other friends, my real friends. The only two I ever spend time with. I'm worried about making new friends and doing the same thing to Liz and Becca that Sara did to me...
Being this stressed makes me want to throw up. I'm going to go make a caccoon from in my blankets and stay there until tomorrow morning... or maybe I'll go back to Liz's and straighten things out like Becca want's. Who cares what I want? I better do what Liz and Becca want, like always...