Truths and Lies
Title: Truths and Lies
Author: shadowsofcherry
Pairing: YamaJima
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Warnings: Define angst. You know it.
Summary: It's hard to decide on which could hurt more - thorns of truths or spikes of lies.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Not yet.
Notes: Angst is because I feel depressed and I feel like I've done something that is utterly wrong. I think that among the angst fics I've written, this would have the most angst and I kind of feel proud of it. Once again, angst. Yes, angst. Enough said.
"I'm sorry."
A simple line that could have made Yamada cry or laugh. There are just those little things that cannot be stopped.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The lanterns are so beautiful and calming."
A certain night, when there is silence, leaves rustling with the wind, and star-filled sky; it was understandable - by the lake, on that specific wood bridge, where the calm waters can soothe, and the night sky can just be so honest - Yamada and Yuto would meet, they would talk, and just simply be with each other.
Yamada looked up and smiled. The bright string of lights in individual spheres decorated the night sky.
Yuto stirred closer to the older boy.
Yamada touched the waters, playing with it, secretly getting nervous at the fact that Yuto was so close and placed an arm around his tensed shoulders.
Yuto breathed on Yamada's cheek, his nose touching Yamada's hair, and his lips trembling with words against Yamada's ear.
"I love you."
Yamada smiled and couldn't portray any other moment that is sweeter and more perfect than that night. He turned to Yuto and placed a gentle kiss on the younger boy's lips - sweet, timid, and innocent - the perfect prelude for passion.
Yuto kissed back. His chapped lips moving against Yamada's soft and subtle ones. He pulled back and moved his nose towards Yamada's jaw and neck before placing another kiss on Yamada's lips.
The first was chaste, the next was fervent.
Yamada broke the kiss and rested against Yuto's lean shoulder.
A moment that could not be crushed.
Perfect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The truth can snap in front of you to challenge you. Test you. Hurt you.
Yamada slid down the wall helplessly.
Cries of pleasure, pain integrated, and passion exploding - a scene of explicit moments, yet full of honesty in actions; they're more than enough to explain the truth.
"Keito..."
The thorns of truth swiftly penetrated and shattered Yamada' s world.
Frail. Helpless. Weak.
Yamada could recognize Yuto's voice anywhere, anytime.
Running his hands against the side of his head, covering his ears, clutching handfuls of hair, and shutting his eyes, Yamada made himself believe that nothing was real.
If only truth can come out as discreet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yamada, I--"
"Stop." Yamada's tears welled up. "Fuck it." He cursed silently, hoping that with it, his feelings were vented out.
Yamada looked up and felt mixtures of emotions engulf him. Yuto couldn't look at Yamada directly in the eyes. Yamada clenched his fists - they were shaking, ready to strike at Yuto anytime.
He couldn't. Yamada just couldn't.
Yuto had taken over him, had him completely, brainwashed every little thought. Yuto left nothing that wouldn't remind Yamada about him.
Yamada knows Yuto. He knew Yuto.
Yuto is aware of his mistakes, and wouldn't do anything about it. There's nothing he could do anyway. Replay, restart, and delete just don't exist in real life. He feels guilt...maybe.
Maybe it's what he wanted after all.
"You could've spared me Nakajima. I can't believe you'd do it this far."
"I..."
"You could've been less harsh."
Yamada started to choke on his words. A huge lump on his throat was forming. A hole in his heart was widening. He's ready to breakdown anytime.
"I'm sorry." Yuto's murmur battled with Yamada's cries and hiccups.
A solemn voice and a serious tone, Yuto looked up with severity in his eyes.
"Yes. I lied."
Yamada finally broke down, tears falling, one after the other. Having red eyes and continuous small breaths from crying, Yamada tried to be strong but to no avail. He longed for Yuto, and he knows that it will be that way for sometime.
Yamada just wanted to cry on Yuto's chest and to throw his arms around Yuto...just the way it used to be when he was in pain.
But as life and destiny would put it, the one he always leaned on is the one causing him pain. It came crashing down and Yamada couldn't take anymore of what's happening - Yuto in front of him was too much to handle.
Yamada gathered what's left of his scarce strength and hoped his voice wouldn't fail him as he attempted to speak.
"I just wished that before you lied to me, you made sure I wouldn't find out the truth."
Yamada wiped his tears and looked at Yuto in the eyes. Yuto looked back with an expression of coldness and indifference.
What was once a face that Yamada associated with love turned into something that would hurt him and haunt him and give him sleepless nights.
"I'd be strong. I'd live as if there were no lies." Yamada paused and hesitated.
His words are faltering just like his feelings.
"I'd live as if I haven't known you."
Yuto looked down and ran a hand through his hair and tried his best to prevent tears from coming out. He failed greatly as his eyes watered. One blink and that's it - he's crying.
"And Yuto..."
Yamada spoke of the boy's first name unconsciously. He knew it would take sometime to get out of that.
A fragile glass of silence broke after a while of staring into each other's eyes.
"'I love you' was my favorite lie."
Yamada finally turned his back on Yuto and dragged his feet with a heavy heart.
"Goodbye."
Once upon a time, there is love...and there was love, once upon a time.
Author: shadowsofcherry
Pairing: YamaJima
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Warnings: Define angst. You know it.
Summary: It's hard to decide on which could hurt more - thorns of truths or spikes of lies.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Not yet.
Notes: Angst is because I feel depressed and I feel like I've done something that is utterly wrong. I think that among the angst fics I've written, this would have the most angst and I kind of feel proud of it. Once again, angst. Yes, angst. Enough said.
"I'm sorry."
A simple line that could have made Yamada cry or laugh. There are just those little things that cannot be stopped.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The lanterns are so beautiful and calming."
A certain night, when there is silence, leaves rustling with the wind, and star-filled sky; it was understandable - by the lake, on that specific wood bridge, where the calm waters can soothe, and the night sky can just be so honest - Yamada and Yuto would meet, they would talk, and just simply be with each other.
Yamada looked up and smiled. The bright string of lights in individual spheres decorated the night sky.
Yuto stirred closer to the older boy.
Yamada touched the waters, playing with it, secretly getting nervous at the fact that Yuto was so close and placed an arm around his tensed shoulders.
Yuto breathed on Yamada's cheek, his nose touching Yamada's hair, and his lips trembling with words against Yamada's ear.
"I love you."
Yamada smiled and couldn't portray any other moment that is sweeter and more perfect than that night. He turned to Yuto and placed a gentle kiss on the younger boy's lips - sweet, timid, and innocent - the perfect prelude for passion.
Yuto kissed back. His chapped lips moving against Yamada's soft and subtle ones. He pulled back and moved his nose towards Yamada's jaw and neck before placing another kiss on Yamada's lips.
The first was chaste, the next was fervent.
Yamada broke the kiss and rested against Yuto's lean shoulder.
A moment that could not be crushed.
Perfect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The truth can snap in front of you to challenge you. Test you. Hurt you.
Yamada slid down the wall helplessly.
Cries of pleasure, pain integrated, and passion exploding - a scene of explicit moments, yet full of honesty in actions; they're more than enough to explain the truth.
"Keito..."
The thorns of truth swiftly penetrated and shattered Yamada' s world.
Frail. Helpless. Weak.
Yamada could recognize Yuto's voice anywhere, anytime.
Running his hands against the side of his head, covering his ears, clutching handfuls of hair, and shutting his eyes, Yamada made himself believe that nothing was real.
If only truth can come out as discreet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yamada, I--"
"Stop." Yamada's tears welled up. "Fuck it." He cursed silently, hoping that with it, his feelings were vented out.
Yamada looked up and felt mixtures of emotions engulf him. Yuto couldn't look at Yamada directly in the eyes. Yamada clenched his fists - they were shaking, ready to strike at Yuto anytime.
He couldn't. Yamada just couldn't.
Yuto had taken over him, had him completely, brainwashed every little thought. Yuto left nothing that wouldn't remind Yamada about him.
Yamada knows Yuto. He knew Yuto.
Yuto is aware of his mistakes, and wouldn't do anything about it. There's nothing he could do anyway. Replay, restart, and delete just don't exist in real life. He feels guilt...maybe.
Maybe it's what he wanted after all.
"You could've spared me Nakajima. I can't believe you'd do it this far."
"I..."
"You could've been less harsh."
Yamada started to choke on his words. A huge lump on his throat was forming. A hole in his heart was widening. He's ready to breakdown anytime.
"I'm sorry." Yuto's murmur battled with Yamada's cries and hiccups.
A solemn voice and a serious tone, Yuto looked up with severity in his eyes.
"Yes. I lied."
Yamada finally broke down, tears falling, one after the other. Having red eyes and continuous small breaths from crying, Yamada tried to be strong but to no avail. He longed for Yuto, and he knows that it will be that way for sometime.
Yamada just wanted to cry on Yuto's chest and to throw his arms around Yuto...just the way it used to be when he was in pain.
But as life and destiny would put it, the one he always leaned on is the one causing him pain. It came crashing down and Yamada couldn't take anymore of what's happening - Yuto in front of him was too much to handle.
Yamada gathered what's left of his scarce strength and hoped his voice wouldn't fail him as he attempted to speak.
"I just wished that before you lied to me, you made sure I wouldn't find out the truth."
Yamada wiped his tears and looked at Yuto in the eyes. Yuto looked back with an expression of coldness and indifference.
What was once a face that Yamada associated with love turned into something that would hurt him and haunt him and give him sleepless nights.
"I'd be strong. I'd live as if there were no lies." Yamada paused and hesitated.
His words are faltering just like his feelings.
"I'd live as if I haven't known you."
Yuto looked down and ran a hand through his hair and tried his best to prevent tears from coming out. He failed greatly as his eyes watered. One blink and that's it - he's crying.
"And Yuto..."
Yamada spoke of the boy's first name unconsciously. He knew it would take sometime to get out of that.
A fragile glass of silence broke after a while of staring into each other's eyes.
"'I love you' was my favorite lie."
Yamada finally turned his back on Yuto and dragged his feet with a heavy heart.
"Goodbye."
Once upon a time, there is love...and there was love, once upon a time.