sooo......
well, i have not updated in a while cause works sucks that bad...i am either working or i am at school...or i am being completely fucked over with all of my feeling. i feel bad sometimes because i am usually not the person to open up first...then when i am, this shit blows up in my face...i was thinkiing before i go to dance class that i am going to have erin take pictures of me for my myspace...it will be me taking a picture....written on my stomache will be "I am soooo over you." then i think that the message will be clear and okay...I have not been eating good...studying...etc...cause i have beens o pissed off...i need to get back on track...but it is hard for me cause i feel like i am unable to function anymore. I have no idea what to do anymore. sometimes i feel like i am lying to myself because i know that i want to be successful, at times, i feel that it is an impossible feat to reach...then i think to myslef...i ahve wanted this for soooo long....for god's sake, i have a four year plan. then i thought to myslef, i would give it all up just for a relationship....wow...to me that seems really fucked up...i hope that the date went really well, and i hope that coffee makes you feel better( that was not a good example considering i love to drink coffee). I am glad that i have dance tonight cause i need to let all of my frustration out in this class. sometimes i wish that all of my classes consisted of working out, cause i really need to do it. I really need my best friends now, but i don't want to tell them...then i think...erin and caley i could tell anything to them...i am so happy that atleast they understand me....but what are you going to do at the same time...I hope that things get better...i feel as though all i am waiting for is an apology for everythingt hat is happening, then i feel as though i am not going to be able to get one...i also feel bad because now i am going to have to be a real big bitch about everything...and that was the old me, but what are you going to do in the first place...i am so excited to go to mexico and get away from everything and everyone. I am missing being with ashley and erin all the time...sometimes i wish that i was at home with them...do you know what i mean...but what are you going to do on a real note......maybe my mom will let me stay home and not work....then i have to look into reality...that is inever going to happen beacsue my dad is such an asshole...but what are you going to do....i feel that i am unable to make it on my own...then simultaneously...i gorw wings and fly away...high into the sky...wow poetic now...but seriou0sly, i have to go to class now, so i hope to keep you updated in the future....