its been a long time coming
i have had 3 other ljs and decided to make another one cause i saw my old one and missed it.
And it wasnt letting me update..so fuck that
so what have i been doing??
well since last i wrote down i was 1.straight edge 2.believed in things 3.played team sports 4.felt a part of something 5.had a home 6.had someone to hold at night 7.went to hardcore shows 8.liked myself
there are about 6 times too many problems right now to even explain talking about...whats even more funny is that what i thought were my closest friends dont even know about them nor care..i wasted 34000 this semester and didnt even try hard...i lost all beliefs i once held dear and cant make anyone happy..right now im sitting in my dorm room which is covered in both gross and alcohal..and on the verge of crying...ifuck it up...i always do..either one way or another ill be heading off to some distant land for no particular reason...with no friends...i might not cause i might get rejected by all of them...which is the key word when looking at my life..reject
i dont know why that is though...going through my old lj i jus seemed like a young idiot but most people are then...and theres her...i think she understands me but i cant tell...all i see in the future is her letdown because im not what she wants...i jus cant take another year or month or day alone without a single person who cares...i jus want someone to compliment me instead of me doing it to them..i want a girl to go after me...but thats not how it works i guess...connecticut..kansas...minnesota...korea...im so lost
im going to go cry in my bed and hold my pillow cause its the only thing that will...
And it wasnt letting me update..so fuck that
so what have i been doing??
well since last i wrote down i was 1.straight edge 2.believed in things 3.played team sports 4.felt a part of something 5.had a home 6.had someone to hold at night 7.went to hardcore shows 8.liked myself
there are about 6 times too many problems right now to even explain talking about...whats even more funny is that what i thought were my closest friends dont even know about them nor care..i wasted 34000 this semester and didnt even try hard...i lost all beliefs i once held dear and cant make anyone happy..right now im sitting in my dorm room which is covered in both gross and alcohal..and on the verge of crying...ifuck it up...i always do..either one way or another ill be heading off to some distant land for no particular reason...with no friends...i might not cause i might get rejected by all of them...which is the key word when looking at my life..reject
i dont know why that is though...going through my old lj i jus seemed like a young idiot but most people are then...and theres her...i think she understands me but i cant tell...all i see in the future is her letdown because im not what she wants...i jus cant take another year or month or day alone without a single person who cares...i jus want someone to compliment me instead of me doing it to them..i want a girl to go after me...but thats not how it works i guess...connecticut..kansas...minnesota...korea...im so lost
im going to go cry in my bed and hold my pillow cause its the only thing that will...