Sobby McEmopants
I've been in a bit of a mood lately. Not in a bitchy mood, mind you, just... a funk. Feeling really depressed and tired all the time.
I'm getting the urge to change my look again. Sort of wanting to fall back into my rebellious stage again. Was talking to Taby about tongue piercings. I guess it's a pretty good sign that I'm not feeling all too happy when I change my style and get a new hole in my body.
I've just been feeling lonely. I mostly blame WoW. Rachel has become addicted to it. To the point that, from the moment she gets home to when she goes to bed. It didn't bother me at first, but recently, I've noticed just how much she's been consumed by it. I remember when I would come home from work and she'll greet me at the door. Now, I walk into the study to change out of my work clothes and she wont even get up to say hi. Called her up a few days ago while I was out on the road and the response I got was "I'm busy right now. Can't talk." Turns out she was on battlegrounds.
It's also a bit hard for me to see that she winds up talking to this one guy on Wow far more than she has been to me recently. He's only a teen or something like that, but still. I've tried to join in and sort of make my presence known to the both of them, thinking that we all three could be friends, but he seems a lot quieter when I'm around.
Recently, I've been wondering if Rachel is still in love with me. I mean, I know that she still loves me, but... is she still IN love. Do I still excite her? Do I even make her happy any more? I mean, I have to beg for her attention now by hovering about her while she's on WoW, but that only lasts until she tells me that I'm either being creepy or that she wants to just play. Like, a couple nights ago, I was out in the loft and she came out to let me know that she was hungry. I get her to snuggle me for a bit, but then she reminds me how hungry she is and we go get her food. Or at least try to. Everything was either closed or not accepting debit. So, we hit up 7-11 and go back home. As soon as we're back in the door, she's back on WoW. Not even as much as a thank you for driving her around for her food.
I'm also a bit tired of the idea that playing WoW together is equal with spending time with each other. Sure, we're sitting in the same room and we are communicating somewhat, but we're facing opposite walls and just running around doing quests.
I'm also feeling old. Not decrepit, but I've just been noticing that my generation's influence on the world is being replaced with the next batch. I remember when I could turn on the radio and just about every song was one that I LOVED. The good, heavy, even a little dark metal-esq rock from 6 years ago. The kind of shit that you could really rock out to. Now, I turn on the radio and.... it's mostly just.... I don't know what it is. I'm feeling that generation gap hard. Thankfully, Nine Inch Nails is just as good as it was back in the day and has been keeping me sane between the MCR and FallOut Boy singles. Not saying that every new song to come out makes me groan in agony. Gnarles Barkley is a good example. I've been going back recently and hunting down some of the songs that I used to listen to back then and writing them down to remind myself to buy them.
I think another one of my problems is that I feel like I'm losing potential, as if I'm being simplified and specialized. Every day is starting to feel more and more like that last to the point that they tend to bleed into one another. I feel like I'm being domesticated. Back when I was in TCC, I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere fast, but now I feel like I'm just not even moving. I've been working to climb into a place in life that I would be content on being in, but I feel like that, not only have I fallen short of my goal, that I'm actually stuck where I am. Like, some things in my life I love, but there are so many things that I wish that I could have a second chance at.
I need a spark. I just need something, anything, to send a shock to my life, just giving me that chance to set things back to how I think they should be.
I also feel like raging. Like, being placed in a room full of stuff and just given the freedom to rip it apart. I don't want to hurt anyone or do any property damage, I just want to tear shit up.
Bah.... I know that this is just a funk phase and that it'll pass. I just felt like writing it out will help me out a bit. So, yeah. Just ignore all of that.
I'm getting the urge to change my look again. Sort of wanting to fall back into my rebellious stage again. Was talking to Taby about tongue piercings. I guess it's a pretty good sign that I'm not feeling all too happy when I change my style and get a new hole in my body.
I've just been feeling lonely. I mostly blame WoW. Rachel has become addicted to it. To the point that, from the moment she gets home to when she goes to bed. It didn't bother me at first, but recently, I've noticed just how much she's been consumed by it. I remember when I would come home from work and she'll greet me at the door. Now, I walk into the study to change out of my work clothes and she wont even get up to say hi. Called her up a few days ago while I was out on the road and the response I got was "I'm busy right now. Can't talk." Turns out she was on battlegrounds.
It's also a bit hard for me to see that she winds up talking to this one guy on Wow far more than she has been to me recently. He's only a teen or something like that, but still. I've tried to join in and sort of make my presence known to the both of them, thinking that we all three could be friends, but he seems a lot quieter when I'm around.
Recently, I've been wondering if Rachel is still in love with me. I mean, I know that she still loves me, but... is she still IN love. Do I still excite her? Do I even make her happy any more? I mean, I have to beg for her attention now by hovering about her while she's on WoW, but that only lasts until she tells me that I'm either being creepy or that she wants to just play. Like, a couple nights ago, I was out in the loft and she came out to let me know that she was hungry. I get her to snuggle me for a bit, but then she reminds me how hungry she is and we go get her food. Or at least try to. Everything was either closed or not accepting debit. So, we hit up 7-11 and go back home. As soon as we're back in the door, she's back on WoW. Not even as much as a thank you for driving her around for her food.
I'm also a bit tired of the idea that playing WoW together is equal with spending time with each other. Sure, we're sitting in the same room and we are communicating somewhat, but we're facing opposite walls and just running around doing quests.
I'm also feeling old. Not decrepit, but I've just been noticing that my generation's influence on the world is being replaced with the next batch. I remember when I could turn on the radio and just about every song was one that I LOVED. The good, heavy, even a little dark metal-esq rock from 6 years ago. The kind of shit that you could really rock out to. Now, I turn on the radio and.... it's mostly just.... I don't know what it is. I'm feeling that generation gap hard. Thankfully, Nine Inch Nails is just as good as it was back in the day and has been keeping me sane between the MCR and FallOut Boy singles. Not saying that every new song to come out makes me groan in agony. Gnarles Barkley is a good example. I've been going back recently and hunting down some of the songs that I used to listen to back then and writing them down to remind myself to buy them.
I think another one of my problems is that I feel like I'm losing potential, as if I'm being simplified and specialized. Every day is starting to feel more and more like that last to the point that they tend to bleed into one another. I feel like I'm being domesticated. Back when I was in TCC, I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere fast, but now I feel like I'm just not even moving. I've been working to climb into a place in life that I would be content on being in, but I feel like that, not only have I fallen short of my goal, that I'm actually stuck where I am. Like, some things in my life I love, but there are so many things that I wish that I could have a second chance at.
I need a spark. I just need something, anything, to send a shock to my life, just giving me that chance to set things back to how I think they should be.
I also feel like raging. Like, being placed in a room full of stuff and just given the freedom to rip it apart. I don't want to hurt anyone or do any property damage, I just want to tear shit up.
Bah.... I know that this is just a funk phase and that it'll pass. I just felt like writing it out will help me out a bit. So, yeah. Just ignore all of that.