(no subject)
This just sort of rambles, goes progressively nowhere, and is mostly picking around in Ash's brain. I blame having this song on loop randomly, and the loudness of the muse. ... One of these days I'm going to have to write about Ash!muse from a me perspective ... how he's more ED/ED2!Ash than AoD!Ash, and how, exactly, that works. But for now, have a song lyric and a fic.
Well, there's lots of smart ideas in books I never read
When the girls come talk to me, I wish to hell I had
~ Jimmy Eat World, "Big Casino"
There had been days when he'd wanted to just walk away from the two of them and leave them to drive each other crazy, not just him. Mostly the days when Scott would spout off something, and he'd tilt his head at him, because half of what he'd said sounded so damn foreign. And Scott would get that look in his eyes - the one that plainly said 'I can't believe you're that dumb'. And then Shelley'd laugh, and hug his arm, or flip her hair, or some other stupid girl thing, and say he was so funny, and so smart.
It wasn't that Scotty was a rocket scientist. He just had all those fancy Michigan State classes under his belt. The two of them had met at a party, one Linda had dragged him to, their second date. Ash figured it wasn't a bad thing, getting to know more people. But honestly, all he had to speak of was the stuff he'd picked up on at the Dearborn Votech ... he knew how to fix cars, he knew how to stock irons and toasters, and he was a decent shot at a clay pigeon or a beer bottle. Talking about the piano was right out - nobody wanted to hear what a bitch the chord progression at the end of that piece in the back of your old lesson book was, after all. He had the kind of smarts he needed to be happy with his little life, but not the kind of smarts the others had. That was part of why he liked being around Linda so much ... she was just as clever, but she didn't really mind that he wasn't. Hanging out with Scotty and Shelley was a good time, mostly, but every now and then, whenever Scotty started in on pointing out all the 'stupid bitches' in town, or the 'dumb idiots', Ash couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't silently present on that list, somewhere, despite the fact that Scotty thought he was worth his time.
All that aside, though, it was still a good time with the four of them together. Sometimes Ash would come through the door grumbling at the end of the night, but after he'd gotten it out of his system, worked on the Delta's engine a little, he felt better. He knew he'd really enjoyed himself, despite the fact that sometimes the differences between him and the others felt like some sort of canyon he'd never cross. He knew that they were still his friends, and that maybe he needed to make his skin a little thicker, laugh a little louder, be a little more of the goofball they'd come to expect - the one who'd been so eager to please them when he'd met them.
And when it was all gone, he wondered why he'd been the one who made it.
But once all those screwheads showed up and started expecting him to know what to do, he saw that he'd become the smart one, somehow, even though he didn't know much. So he blustered, and he lied, and he made things up off the cuff, and somehow he pulled it off in the end. Making shit up hadn't been the best plan ever, but when you got down to brass tacks, he'd made it through. And most of the other people with him had, this time, too. He wasn't sure whether that made him smarter, or just plain lucky.
Either way, it had felt all too familiar when he'd met the Chief.
Besides being older, Quentin was smarter. Smart as shit, as his father used to say. And just like that, Ash had gone from being the guy who knew all the tricks to the leader of Jack Shit. The security system the Chief rigged up from the spare parts in the house had made his head spin - not to mention those gloves of his that made you see stuff that wasn't there. The man was a magician, plain and simple, and the only magic Ash had known, he'd fucked up in a big way. It sort of made him want to sew his mouth shut, sometimes, so nothing stupid would come out of it anymore, like it always seemed to do.
But then one day, he noticed that whenever he said something incredibly dumb, there was something different. Quentin still shook his head and rolled his eyes, and all that crap, the way the others used to do back home. But there was always a smile hiding somewhere. Maybe Ash got a little bit of grace, since the Chief was from ten years ahead of him. He wasn't sure. Either way, whenever he fell, he picked himself up off the floor, dusted off his knees, and grinned.
Maybe he'd been the only one who'd made it, sure. Maybe it took a hell of a lot of dumb luck. But with just a little more, if anything came along again, he'd be able to do right by his friend, this time. Because Quentin had started to make him see why he'd made it: maybe his IQ wasn't exactly up to par, but his heart had ended up in the right place.
Well, there's lots of smart ideas in books I never read
When the girls come talk to me, I wish to hell I had
~ Jimmy Eat World, "Big Casino"
There had been days when he'd wanted to just walk away from the two of them and leave them to drive each other crazy, not just him. Mostly the days when Scott would spout off something, and he'd tilt his head at him, because half of what he'd said sounded so damn foreign. And Scott would get that look in his eyes - the one that plainly said 'I can't believe you're that dumb'. And then Shelley'd laugh, and hug his arm, or flip her hair, or some other stupid girl thing, and say he was so funny, and so smart.
It wasn't that Scotty was a rocket scientist. He just had all those fancy Michigan State classes under his belt. The two of them had met at a party, one Linda had dragged him to, their second date. Ash figured it wasn't a bad thing, getting to know more people. But honestly, all he had to speak of was the stuff he'd picked up on at the Dearborn Votech ... he knew how to fix cars, he knew how to stock irons and toasters, and he was a decent shot at a clay pigeon or a beer bottle. Talking about the piano was right out - nobody wanted to hear what a bitch the chord progression at the end of that piece in the back of your old lesson book was, after all. He had the kind of smarts he needed to be happy with his little life, but not the kind of smarts the others had. That was part of why he liked being around Linda so much ... she was just as clever, but she didn't really mind that he wasn't. Hanging out with Scotty and Shelley was a good time, mostly, but every now and then, whenever Scotty started in on pointing out all the 'stupid bitches' in town, or the 'dumb idiots', Ash couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't silently present on that list, somewhere, despite the fact that Scotty thought he was worth his time.
All that aside, though, it was still a good time with the four of them together. Sometimes Ash would come through the door grumbling at the end of the night, but after he'd gotten it out of his system, worked on the Delta's engine a little, he felt better. He knew he'd really enjoyed himself, despite the fact that sometimes the differences between him and the others felt like some sort of canyon he'd never cross. He knew that they were still his friends, and that maybe he needed to make his skin a little thicker, laugh a little louder, be a little more of the goofball they'd come to expect - the one who'd been so eager to please them when he'd met them.
And when it was all gone, he wondered why he'd been the one who made it.
But once all those screwheads showed up and started expecting him to know what to do, he saw that he'd become the smart one, somehow, even though he didn't know much. So he blustered, and he lied, and he made things up off the cuff, and somehow he pulled it off in the end. Making shit up hadn't been the best plan ever, but when you got down to brass tacks, he'd made it through. And most of the other people with him had, this time, too. He wasn't sure whether that made him smarter, or just plain lucky.
Either way, it had felt all too familiar when he'd met the Chief.
Besides being older, Quentin was smarter. Smart as shit, as his father used to say. And just like that, Ash had gone from being the guy who knew all the tricks to the leader of Jack Shit. The security system the Chief rigged up from the spare parts in the house had made his head spin - not to mention those gloves of his that made you see stuff that wasn't there. The man was a magician, plain and simple, and the only magic Ash had known, he'd fucked up in a big way. It sort of made him want to sew his mouth shut, sometimes, so nothing stupid would come out of it anymore, like it always seemed to do.
But then one day, he noticed that whenever he said something incredibly dumb, there was something different. Quentin still shook his head and rolled his eyes, and all that crap, the way the others used to do back home. But there was always a smile hiding somewhere. Maybe Ash got a little bit of grace, since the Chief was from ten years ahead of him. He wasn't sure. Either way, whenever he fell, he picked himself up off the floor, dusted off his knees, and grinned.
Maybe he'd been the only one who'd made it, sure. Maybe it took a hell of a lot of dumb luck. But with just a little more, if anything came along again, he'd be able to do right by his friend, this time. Because Quentin had started to make him see why he'd made it: maybe his IQ wasn't exactly up to par, but his heart had ended up in the right place.