so this is just gonna be rambling about everything
ive been thinking alot lately. about everything. honestly everything. about rules. about wether im gonna fallow them. about life. about what im gonna do with my life. about college. about where im gonna go. about what im gonna major in. about boys. about who id want to date. who i want to meet. what i want. about friends. who they are. about work. where. why. about school. homeschool or chs again. about cars. if i should get one. if i can get one. about... everything. so here goes:
-Rules: we have alot at our church. but idk. i dont drink. i dont wanna. in general, i dont wanna smoke a cig. i hate them. i dont want them. but i admit there are times when i just feel like if i had one everything would just work out better. it would just.. be my release. i need a release. but im not gona smoke a cig. so i need a release. and then theres smoking.. the other kind. i really dont think its bad. and thats what makes it hard. i dont think its bad, so the fact that im not supposed to do it makes it harder... i just dont know. i never have, and i dont think i ever will. but its just.. hard.
-College: i think im just gonna go to U of M my first year. i think i could get a full ride... so why not? im gonna apply to U of M, ASU, and BYU. and if i get a fullride somewhere ill go there. and then after that wherevers cheap... lol. im accepting it tho i guess. And i think im gonna major in English. the more i think about it... the more it sounds good to me. besides the fact that i suck at grammar, i love writing. i love reading other peoples writing. i love hearing peoples thoughts on things. i love... everything about it. Major in english, minor in some kind of music thing. those are the two most important parts of my life. so... i wanna fallow it. idk about a career, but i at least have my major now... im actually thinking about teaching... but idk.
-Boys: i wanted to date tom. i really did. but that wont happen. i guess we're just ment to be friends forever. but whatever. Kory.. hasnt changed as much as i thought. hes smart, he really is, which pisses me off when he does stupid shiz. but hes still unreliable, and still dosnt want me bad enough. so thats how it is. Matts gone out of the picture apparently. Hes just changed to much. hes to caught up in making people like him, in the little things, so thats ok, thats what he wants. we're just, friends. sometimes. the only person that really keeps trying is Jacob. which makes me sad that i cant date him. but, he's my friend. and starting to be one of my best friends. but thats kool. i need to find someone who actualyl cares. who realyl cares about me. and tries. and makes me laugh. and... who i like to. guess its not bad to keep waiting.
-Friends: they're leaving. most to college. idk how often ill ever see Hillary. rarely... i just see that fading. until i eventually see here again. Jess is leaving, so again idk how thatll work. if taylor dosnt move i still have her, but we dont ever go do things, she dosnt get along with the rest of my friends. like i said kory is only sometimes. same thing with jay, it all depends. i really dont have many other friends... which is kinda why im trying to meet new people. ive just been so set in my ways... ive been trying to find a new job and stuff. and i wanna meet new people... i wanna try to be more out there again. i just... wanna find myself, so i can find my friends.
-School: going to CHS tomaro to find out if i can do the work study program. otherwise ill just stick wiht homeschooling. almost think id prefer the word study thing, if i could get into it even though school starts monday. ill figure all that out tomaro i guess.
-Cars: hoping ill be able to go look at a firebird tomaro. if its good im hoping i can buy it. its the only good car iv been able to find. and i really want a car. i think mostly so ill have something to focus my energy on. think itd be good for me. i want it. if i could get it... id be so amazingly happy.
-Life: its just... and amazing thing. no matter how bad it ever feels, dont do anything to ruin it. i have a hard time with that alot... but honestly, life is worth living. and even if for some reason you didnt think it was for you, just stop and think about how your friends would feel if you died. how youd feel if they died. someone cares about you, and i couldnt bring myself to put them through that... thats my reason to keep going. for them. and i mite complain. i mite be emo sometimes. i mite only really trust a few people, but i know they are there for me, even if i dont think they are. and that gets me through. thats why im still where i am. and its good. you need a reason.
and thats it for now...
-Rules: we have alot at our church. but idk. i dont drink. i dont wanna. in general, i dont wanna smoke a cig. i hate them. i dont want them. but i admit there are times when i just feel like if i had one everything would just work out better. it would just.. be my release. i need a release. but im not gona smoke a cig. so i need a release. and then theres smoking.. the other kind. i really dont think its bad. and thats what makes it hard. i dont think its bad, so the fact that im not supposed to do it makes it harder... i just dont know. i never have, and i dont think i ever will. but its just.. hard.
-College: i think im just gonna go to U of M my first year. i think i could get a full ride... so why not? im gonna apply to U of M, ASU, and BYU. and if i get a fullride somewhere ill go there. and then after that wherevers cheap... lol. im accepting it tho i guess. And i think im gonna major in English. the more i think about it... the more it sounds good to me. besides the fact that i suck at grammar, i love writing. i love reading other peoples writing. i love hearing peoples thoughts on things. i love... everything about it. Major in english, minor in some kind of music thing. those are the two most important parts of my life. so... i wanna fallow it. idk about a career, but i at least have my major now... im actually thinking about teaching... but idk.
-Boys: i wanted to date tom. i really did. but that wont happen. i guess we're just ment to be friends forever. but whatever. Kory.. hasnt changed as much as i thought. hes smart, he really is, which pisses me off when he does stupid shiz. but hes still unreliable, and still dosnt want me bad enough. so thats how it is. Matts gone out of the picture apparently. Hes just changed to much. hes to caught up in making people like him, in the little things, so thats ok, thats what he wants. we're just, friends. sometimes. the only person that really keeps trying is Jacob. which makes me sad that i cant date him. but, he's my friend. and starting to be one of my best friends. but thats kool. i need to find someone who actualyl cares. who realyl cares about me. and tries. and makes me laugh. and... who i like to. guess its not bad to keep waiting.
-Friends: they're leaving. most to college. idk how often ill ever see Hillary. rarely... i just see that fading. until i eventually see here again. Jess is leaving, so again idk how thatll work. if taylor dosnt move i still have her, but we dont ever go do things, she dosnt get along with the rest of my friends. like i said kory is only sometimes. same thing with jay, it all depends. i really dont have many other friends... which is kinda why im trying to meet new people. ive just been so set in my ways... ive been trying to find a new job and stuff. and i wanna meet new people... i wanna try to be more out there again. i just... wanna find myself, so i can find my friends.
-School: going to CHS tomaro to find out if i can do the work study program. otherwise ill just stick wiht homeschooling. almost think id prefer the word study thing, if i could get into it even though school starts monday. ill figure all that out tomaro i guess.
-Cars: hoping ill be able to go look at a firebird tomaro. if its good im hoping i can buy it. its the only good car iv been able to find. and i really want a car. i think mostly so ill have something to focus my energy on. think itd be good for me. i want it. if i could get it... id be so amazingly happy.
-Life: its just... and amazing thing. no matter how bad it ever feels, dont do anything to ruin it. i have a hard time with that alot... but honestly, life is worth living. and even if for some reason you didnt think it was for you, just stop and think about how your friends would feel if you died. how youd feel if they died. someone cares about you, and i couldnt bring myself to put them through that... thats my reason to keep going. for them. and i mite complain. i mite be emo sometimes. i mite only really trust a few people, but i know they are there for me, even if i dont think they are. and that gets me through. thats why im still where i am. and its good. you need a reason.
and thats it for now...