(poetry) to the boy who once loved me

[shadows_of]

to the boy who once loved me

whenever i'm found with a moment of silence?
i weep
i feel as if my life has ended
and begun all at once
this brave old world that we faced together
frightens me and i sit
back against the wall and holding a teddy bear
and i weep

first thought as i wake and last as i lie down
now a series of stutters
false starts where i can't whisper
"good morning, love"
"sweet dreams, trezo"
into digital ears and my stomach churns
loud in the emptiness of my room and my bed
and i weep

we were, once, the definition of human love
incandescent and heartening
until i became the definition of human
imperfect and heartbreaking
too thoughtless in action to mean inaction
too weak to stand
and i weep

i don't know how to fill the empty time
how to count each of the twenty three and a half hours
minutes that used to be marked by you
my phone a dead limb
my heart a useless pump
leaving just my eyes to watch you leave
and i weep