All of this past
Well, here I am even still once again. I'm just sitting here thinking about things. Things like, why the hell am I still sitting here, when I could be out having fun? Well, I guess the best answer for that would be because once again, I am sitting here waiting to hear from Nykkie, thats right, I once again got invited by friends to go out and have a fun night and blew them off to wait for Nykkie. Something bad happened earlier tonight and she told me to call her at her friends house at 8:00, so I did, what did I get? A busy signal, every minute, for 35 minutes! And then I finally got a ring, and nobody picked up, so I tried again, and then I waited 15 minutes and tried again, and then I waited 30 minutes and tried again, and then at around 11:00 or so I got ahold of her friends sister who told me that she hadn't seen them and thought they were all back at Nykkies place......so I tried calling there, no answer. Every 30 minutes I tried back, still no answer, and here it is......2:30 in the morning with still no answer. Kind of strikes a sort of De ja vu for me. Now, this also worries me a bit due to what happened earlier tonight, and how she knew for a fact I would be calling at a specific time in which was set down by her....wouldn't you expect her to be there at that time? Or at least wait, or even merely attempt to get in contact to let know otherwise? For all I know, she is in a hospital morgue right now, or laying dead on the side of a road somewhere.....or is it just that she is off at some guys house, getting drunk or high or a combination of the two? How nice right? So yeah, I am sitting here, all alone, in silence, feeling bad for blowing off my friends yet again, being worried to death about the one person I love on this entire god forsaken rock. Do I dare go try to catch up with my friends at this point? Of course not? Why? Cause I've already blown them off, I've already waited this long, and because I fucking care and want to be here should I for some reason end up getting a call back. It seems extremely unlikely, but hey, miracles happen right? Honestly though, I'm not as upset as I may sound in context on here, not saying I'm not upset at all, because I am indeed quite upset, I am just trying to get some of this damned emotion out so it doesn't eat me up inside all night as I sit and wait. And trust me, I am not going to be sleeping until I hear from her, because if something bad did in fact happen, I don't want to be asleep. Well, I'll be right back, it's been another 30 minutes so it's time to try calling once again................I'm back and am I suprised??? Not at all, still no answer. I grow tired of this, I swear, after tonight if I have to hear a pre-recorded answering service again I will puke my brains out. But anyways, I'm done with this entry, I'm going to go take a drive in the rain, I'll be back later. I love you Nykkie, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I love you with all my heart, and I miss you very much.