stop it
How could you never think "I am planning on killing little children who had nothing to do with [agonizing experience 20 years ago]." How could that never raise a flag, ring a bell, scream in your face, whatever, that something's wrong with you. I can wrap my head around being a disgruntled teen with crap for parents and access to weapons doing something stupid, but this guy had kids of his own, it just doesn't compute.
Sigh.
Sigh.