Fic: Improbable Love 1/1 - Lyric Wheel Response
Title: Improbable Love
Author: Jessi B.
Email: shadowrider@blomand.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Zaphod/Arthur
Summary: Of all the improbabilities in the universe perhaps the oddest is love.
Notes:This is in an AU timeline, somewhere after book one. I’m sorry if some of this is off a bit, a friend has my books and I usually read over them to get the tone right. But we have to make sacrifices when addicting others :]
****
It wasn’t something that happened right away, nothing like the start of their very odd relationship. Arthur Dent and Zaphod Beeblebrox had, against any conceivable logic, ended up sleeping together after one of the many ‘research trips’ Ford Prefect was always dragging them along on. Well, to be precise, the only one being dragged was Arthur, Trillian (Tricia McMillan was her Earth name, but as Earth no longer exists this no longer matters) and Zaphod were always eager for the adventure.
Arthur was all for a nice trip to a pub, but he had learned that more then likely any trip taken with his three companions was bound to end with either a massive hangover or him running for his life, sometimes both.
So, really, in the scheme of odd things, one would think that the Earth man might be grateful that he ended up in Zaphod’s bed rather then a strange(r) alien’s bed. That one would be wrong as poor Arthur had yet to completely adapt to the idea that there were more then two genders let alone the idea he was naked and in bed with a male.
It was therefore rather logical, in his own mind, that he lock himself in his room and start a list as to why he could not, under any circumstances, have had sex with Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Zaphod was very well adapted to the number of genders in the universe and in fact had worked his way down the list in his younger days (twice) so when he woke up alone he shrugged, showered, and went to find something that might knock his brains into shape again.
“Zaphod, have you seen Arthur? He’s usually harassing the Nutri-Matic by this time,” Trillian asked, looking much too cheerful for the night of drinking she’d done.
“Haven’t seen him since last night, he fell asleep with me but he’d taken off by the time I woke up, hey, where have the lemons gotten to?”
Ford blinked at his semi-cousin in dumbfounded horror, Trillian’s drink had stopped not quiet to her mouth.
“You slept with Arthur?” She asked, eyes wide.
“Yeah, he’s not bad in bed by the way, now where are the lemons?”
“He’s probably locked himself in his room by now,” Ford mused aloud as he pushed himself away the counter. “Best go make sure he’s alright.”
“I’ll come, he’s always been a little stuffy, something like this...” Trillian shook her head standing to follow Ford out.
“Does this mean you don’t know where the lemons are or we don’t have any?” The blond called after them.
***
“Arthur?” Trillian asked the door, who was rather unhappy Arthur wouldn’t let it open for her. “How are you?”
“Oh, fine, just fine...” The Englishman answered back brightly. “Just making a list, very busy you know...” Arthur was not having much lusk with his list in fact. The ‘For’ column was longer then the ‘Against’ and he was worried by that.
“You know, this really isn’t a big deal...” Ford started, leaning against the closed door. “I mean Trillian’s slept with him too, and she’s rather smart, so it’s obvious he must be good in bed to have kept her around this long.” Trillian inclined her head just slightly in agreement.
“Not a big deal?” Ford almost fell into Arthur as the door opened. “Do you know that Zaphod happens to be not only an alien but a male alien? I do not sleep with male anythings, Ford. However, my list of reasons that I haven’t slept with Zaphod has an alarming number of reasons I did sleep with him, so...”
“Arthur, this is ridicules,” Trillian sighed snatching the piece of paper he was waving away. She raised an interested eyebrow when she glanced over it, but quickly turned back to the matter at hand. “There are fifty genders in the universe, it’s very likely that, as Earth is gone, you’ll end up in a relationship with an alien and you might even end up with an alien that defies your gender norms. Really, at least Zaphod has most of the same equipment, it could have been worse.”
While Arthur boggled at her Ford nodded his head.
“She’s right, the first time I slept with a hilmf I had no idea what I was doing...”
“Hilmf?” Arthur really wanted a good strong cup of tea.
“Yes, that’s just the pronoun, not the species name, you see they have pouches and...” Ford got going on the subject and Trillian seemed interested. Arthur closed the door again and picked up a blank sheet of paper, starting list on why he should be celibate.
It was few hours later that Zaphod got the computer to let him in and then managed to convince Arthur to try last night again, only with less alcohol. Trillian could have told him he really didn’t stand a chance, Zaphod was really just that good.
***
The changes were so slow that their companions didn’t realize at first. Arthur had been sleeping in Zaphod’s room for weeks now (Zaphod claimed it was for the easy access, Arthur said the room was just nicer then his) and on one of the many times Arthur successful avoided being dragged down on a ‘research trip’ Zaphod opted out of bar hopping, to their bafflement, so he could shop. As it happened the planet was known for having a wide selection of drinks, he later claimed he found the tea for the monkey because it got him laid. Trillian and Ford were suspicious of the explanation because of how one of his heads kept a silly grin on his face for the next week.
Arthur let himself be dragged along to a club one night, mostly to make Zaphod shut up about it he claimed, but actually seemed to enjoy himself when his lover pulled him out on the dance floor. Even after Zaphod went to dance with another...something, he danced with Trillian and even Ford before calling it a night. Ford told Trillian the next morning that Zaphod had come back to the ship with Arthur, not his attractive dance partner, and they both shared long meaningful looks about it.
“I heard him tell Arthur that he needed to make a trip home a day or so ago you know,” Trillian confided.
“Home? Zaphod? I thought he’d forgotten where it was, much more serious then I thought...” Despite the words Ford’s mouth twitched in the urge to smile. “The moms, will be ecstatic, Arthur’s just the type they always wanted Zaphod to find.”
“Arthur’s mother would probably be horrified,” Trillian grinned. “Of all the odd, unusual, and unlikely things the improbability drive has done this must be the oddest.”
“Arthur Dent in love with a two headed, three armed, male alien,” The ginger haired man smiled maniacally.
“And Zaphod Beeblebrox serious about a normal, tea drinking un-remarkable human,” The Earth woman finished, “Do you think they’ll have a wedding?”
“Doubtful, a wedding at home is worse then a riot on most planets, I think they’ll elope.”
“Zaphod has been acting...odd about it though, I mean taking Arthur home with him?”
More meaningful looks were shared.
“Bloody hell, well, at least there’ll be good booze,” Ford sighed. “And we’ll need it, and riot gear, especially with our family. The last wedding I went to we lost five people, but they were old and slow. We think they got trampled when they got between some of our aunts and the buffet.”
“Tragic, were you close?”
“Oh yeah, I was perched on the bar watching the whole thing, now with Zaphod’s wedding I’m sure we’ll have people showing up to snatch him after, I mean no one in their right mind goes into a Betelgeusian wedding, and he does still have some term left to serve as President, even if he knows he doesn’t actually do anything but draw attention away now.”
“He’s actually been a very good president when you think about it that way,” Trillain murmured thoughtful. “What does one give at a Betelgeuse wedding?”
“Lube and alcohol.”
The conversation stopped when a yawning Arthur walked in to put a kettle on. He yelped when Ford caught his wrist and held his hand up to the light to show a simple silver colored ring with an ugly orange stone set in it.
“Is this...?”
“It’s something Zaphod had lying around, he claimed it looked good on me, I think he’s daft,” Pulling away Arthur started for the heating stove thing again. Trillian and Ford exchanged another meaningful look and went off to have further discussions on Betelgeuse wedding practices (including proper self defense) as it looked like it would be needed.
ETA:
HOOBASTANK - "The Reason"
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Author: Jessi B.
Email: shadowrider@blomand.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Zaphod/Arthur
Summary: Of all the improbabilities in the universe perhaps the oddest is love.
Notes:This is in an AU timeline, somewhere after book one. I’m sorry if some of this is off a bit, a friend has my books and I usually read over them to get the tone right. But we have to make sacrifices when addicting others :]
****
It wasn’t something that happened right away, nothing like the start of their very odd relationship. Arthur Dent and Zaphod Beeblebrox had, against any conceivable logic, ended up sleeping together after one of the many ‘research trips’ Ford Prefect was always dragging them along on. Well, to be precise, the only one being dragged was Arthur, Trillian (Tricia McMillan was her Earth name, but as Earth no longer exists this no longer matters) and Zaphod were always eager for the adventure.
Arthur was all for a nice trip to a pub, but he had learned that more then likely any trip taken with his three companions was bound to end with either a massive hangover or him running for his life, sometimes both.
So, really, in the scheme of odd things, one would think that the Earth man might be grateful that he ended up in Zaphod’s bed rather then a strange(r) alien’s bed. That one would be wrong as poor Arthur had yet to completely adapt to the idea that there were more then two genders let alone the idea he was naked and in bed with a male.
It was therefore rather logical, in his own mind, that he lock himself in his room and start a list as to why he could not, under any circumstances, have had sex with Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Zaphod was very well adapted to the number of genders in the universe and in fact had worked his way down the list in his younger days (twice) so when he woke up alone he shrugged, showered, and went to find something that might knock his brains into shape again.
“Zaphod, have you seen Arthur? He’s usually harassing the Nutri-Matic by this time,” Trillian asked, looking much too cheerful for the night of drinking she’d done.
“Haven’t seen him since last night, he fell asleep with me but he’d taken off by the time I woke up, hey, where have the lemons gotten to?”
Ford blinked at his semi-cousin in dumbfounded horror, Trillian’s drink had stopped not quiet to her mouth.
“You slept with Arthur?” She asked, eyes wide.
“Yeah, he’s not bad in bed by the way, now where are the lemons?”
“He’s probably locked himself in his room by now,” Ford mused aloud as he pushed himself away the counter. “Best go make sure he’s alright.”
“I’ll come, he’s always been a little stuffy, something like this...” Trillian shook her head standing to follow Ford out.
“Does this mean you don’t know where the lemons are or we don’t have any?” The blond called after them.
***
“Arthur?” Trillian asked the door, who was rather unhappy Arthur wouldn’t let it open for her. “How are you?”
“Oh, fine, just fine...” The Englishman answered back brightly. “Just making a list, very busy you know...” Arthur was not having much lusk with his list in fact. The ‘For’ column was longer then the ‘Against’ and he was worried by that.
“You know, this really isn’t a big deal...” Ford started, leaning against the closed door. “I mean Trillian’s slept with him too, and she’s rather smart, so it’s obvious he must be good in bed to have kept her around this long.” Trillian inclined her head just slightly in agreement.
“Not a big deal?” Ford almost fell into Arthur as the door opened. “Do you know that Zaphod happens to be not only an alien but a male alien? I do not sleep with male anythings, Ford. However, my list of reasons that I haven’t slept with Zaphod has an alarming number of reasons I did sleep with him, so...”
“Arthur, this is ridicules,” Trillian sighed snatching the piece of paper he was waving away. She raised an interested eyebrow when she glanced over it, but quickly turned back to the matter at hand. “There are fifty genders in the universe, it’s very likely that, as Earth is gone, you’ll end up in a relationship with an alien and you might even end up with an alien that defies your gender norms. Really, at least Zaphod has most of the same equipment, it could have been worse.”
While Arthur boggled at her Ford nodded his head.
“She’s right, the first time I slept with a hilmf I had no idea what I was doing...”
“Hilmf?” Arthur really wanted a good strong cup of tea.
“Yes, that’s just the pronoun, not the species name, you see they have pouches and...” Ford got going on the subject and Trillian seemed interested. Arthur closed the door again and picked up a blank sheet of paper, starting list on why he should be celibate.
It was few hours later that Zaphod got the computer to let him in and then managed to convince Arthur to try last night again, only with less alcohol. Trillian could have told him he really didn’t stand a chance, Zaphod was really just that good.
***
The changes were so slow that their companions didn’t realize at first. Arthur had been sleeping in Zaphod’s room for weeks now (Zaphod claimed it was for the easy access, Arthur said the room was just nicer then his) and on one of the many times Arthur successful avoided being dragged down on a ‘research trip’ Zaphod opted out of bar hopping, to their bafflement, so he could shop. As it happened the planet was known for having a wide selection of drinks, he later claimed he found the tea for the monkey because it got him laid. Trillian and Ford were suspicious of the explanation because of how one of his heads kept a silly grin on his face for the next week.
Arthur let himself be dragged along to a club one night, mostly to make Zaphod shut up about it he claimed, but actually seemed to enjoy himself when his lover pulled him out on the dance floor. Even after Zaphod went to dance with another...something, he danced with Trillian and even Ford before calling it a night. Ford told Trillian the next morning that Zaphod had come back to the ship with Arthur, not his attractive dance partner, and they both shared long meaningful looks about it.
“I heard him tell Arthur that he needed to make a trip home a day or so ago you know,” Trillian confided.
“Home? Zaphod? I thought he’d forgotten where it was, much more serious then I thought...” Despite the words Ford’s mouth twitched in the urge to smile. “The moms, will be ecstatic, Arthur’s just the type they always wanted Zaphod to find.”
“Arthur’s mother would probably be horrified,” Trillian grinned. “Of all the odd, unusual, and unlikely things the improbability drive has done this must be the oddest.”
“Arthur Dent in love with a two headed, three armed, male alien,” The ginger haired man smiled maniacally.
“And Zaphod Beeblebrox serious about a normal, tea drinking un-remarkable human,” The Earth woman finished, “Do you think they’ll have a wedding?”
“Doubtful, a wedding at home is worse then a riot on most planets, I think they’ll elope.”
“Zaphod has been acting...odd about it though, I mean taking Arthur home with him?”
More meaningful looks were shared.
“Bloody hell, well, at least there’ll be good booze,” Ford sighed. “And we’ll need it, and riot gear, especially with our family. The last wedding I went to we lost five people, but they were old and slow. We think they got trampled when they got between some of our aunts and the buffet.”
“Tragic, were you close?”
“Oh yeah, I was perched on the bar watching the whole thing, now with Zaphod’s wedding I’m sure we’ll have people showing up to snatch him after, I mean no one in their right mind goes into a Betelgeusian wedding, and he does still have some term left to serve as President, even if he knows he doesn’t actually do anything but draw attention away now.”
“He’s actually been a very good president when you think about it that way,” Trillain murmured thoughtful. “What does one give at a Betelgeuse wedding?”
“Lube and alcohol.”
The conversation stopped when a yawning Arthur walked in to put a kettle on. He yelped when Ford caught his wrist and held his hand up to the light to show a simple silver colored ring with an ugly orange stone set in it.
“Is this...?”
“It’s something Zaphod had lying around, he claimed it looked good on me, I think he’s daft,” Pulling away Arthur started for the heating stove thing again. Trillian and Ford exchanged another meaningful look and went off to have further discussions on Betelgeuse wedding practices (including proper self defense) as it looked like it would be needed.
ETA:
HOOBASTANK - "The Reason"
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you