Surreal had been baptized with blood
So, shogunhb and I were driving to down 190 tonight to feed toti_cat (whose LJ name should totally be cat_bastard or some equivalent) when I hit a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER.* I watch down the road instead of right in front of my car (unlike three-quarters of MA drivers who are then SHOCKED AND SURPRISED to come upon road work or a truck parked in one lane, even though they've been clearly visible for the last mile and a half, but this is a rant for another, non-murderful, day), so I only saw the bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER out of the corner of my eye as it darted into the beam of my headlights. By that time, it was too late. I couldn't swerve enough to miss it without swerving into the other lane--which was empty, but I have this THING about not unexpectedly lunging my car into the next lane over--and then there was this sudden thump-thump and then I was just staring out my windshield in horror.
I had just hit a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER.
This is the first time I've ever hit anything alive with a car, pedestrians what have it coming aside. shogunhb asked me a few times if I needed to pull over to cry or have him drive, but I stiff upper lipped it and kept going, occasionally whimpering about how I had just killed a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER. And then I started picturing all the wee little baby bunnies VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTERS that it could have left behind, but then I remembered it's August, so hopefully any of those babies will be old enough to fend for themselves KILLED WITH FIRE, AS ALL VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTERS MUST.
To make it worse, some kind of ferret-weasel-thing darted across the road as I took the exit to toti_cat's house. This thing I did not hit, but shogunhb and I spent a while trying to figure out what it was. It looked like a blue-eyed, black-furred ferret to me (it scurried like a ferret), but shogunhb says ferrets are not native. We've decided it was a fisher-cat, which means I totally should have tried to hit that, instead of killing the bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER.
I was a little unnerved by all the woodland creatures that seemed intent on committing suicide-by-shadowravyn, but kept driving until we got to the house. In a shocking turn of events, toti_cat was NOT pleased to see us, didn't want to eat, and even hissed at shogunhb. Nor did he seem convinced by my argument that if I had inadvertently murdered a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER on my way to feed his stupid ass, he should bloody-well eat. Cat-shaped bastard. Though even Orson didn't finish his food, so I think they were just both too hot for words. (Toti eventually ate. But was pissy the whole time.)
I helped myself to a Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade and made shogunhb drive home. He could have any future bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER suicides on HIS conscience. Of course, this was after I made him take a flashlight and check my car for bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER remains, which he reported there were none. I just hope this means Surreal hasn't gotten a taste of blood and decided she likes it.
Hmmm...perhaps next time I should not name my car after an assassin.
Also, I decided that both the creepy ferret thing and the bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER were escapees from some facility nearby that specializes in animal-hybrid-horrors and I was doing the world a favor by destroying one of them, before it could begin the Zombocalypse with a single bite. The unexpectedly long line of cars that we saw as we turned onto the main street while heading back to the highway confirmed my suspicion.
MANKIND: ONE. VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER: ZERO
It could totally have been a VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER! I have no proof that it wasn't!!**
**I know this is the worst logical fallacy IN THE WORLD, but dammit people, cut me some slack. I just killed a bunny!!! *sobs*
I had just hit a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER.
This is the first time I've ever hit anything alive with a car, pedestrians what have it coming aside. shogunhb asked me a few times if I needed to pull over to cry or have him drive, but I stiff upper lipped it and kept going, occasionally whimpering about how I had just killed a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER. And then I started picturing all the wee little baby bunnies VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTERS that it could have left behind, but then I remembered it's August, so hopefully any of those babies will be old enough to fend for themselves KILLED WITH FIRE, AS ALL VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTERS MUST.
To make it worse, some kind of ferret-weasel-thing darted across the road as I took the exit to toti_cat's house. This thing I did not hit, but shogunhb and I spent a while trying to figure out what it was. It looked like a blue-eyed, black-furred ferret to me (it scurried like a ferret), but shogunhb says ferrets are not native. We've decided it was a fisher-cat, which means I totally should have tried to hit that, instead of killing the bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER.
I was a little unnerved by all the woodland creatures that seemed intent on committing suicide-by-shadowravyn, but kept driving until we got to the house. In a shocking turn of events, toti_cat was NOT pleased to see us, didn't want to eat, and even hissed at shogunhb. Nor did he seem convinced by my argument that if I had inadvertently murdered a bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER on my way to feed his stupid ass, he should bloody-well eat. Cat-shaped bastard. Though even Orson didn't finish his food, so I think they were just both too hot for words. (Toti eventually ate. But was pissy the whole time.)
I helped myself to a Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade and made shogunhb drive home. He could have any future bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER suicides on HIS conscience. Of course, this was after I made him take a flashlight and check my car for bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER remains, which he reported there were none. I just hope this means Surreal hasn't gotten a taste of blood and decided she likes it.
Hmmm...perhaps next time I should not name my car after an assassin.
Also, I decided that both the creepy ferret thing and the bunny VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER were escapees from some facility nearby that specializes in animal-hybrid-horrors and I was doing the world a favor by destroying one of them, before it could begin the Zombocalypse with a single bite. The unexpectedly long line of cars that we saw as we turned onto the main street while heading back to the highway confirmed my suspicion.
MANKIND: ONE. VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER: ZERO
It could totally have been a VICIOUS MUTANT RAT-MONSTER! I have no proof that it wasn't!!**
**I know this is the worst logical fallacy IN THE WORLD, but dammit people, cut me some slack. I just killed a bunny!!! *sobs*