(no subject)
this is the last entry, and I kinda just wanna be honest
once you start digging a hole for yourself it gets fairly cataclysmic, especially in terms of difficulty in getting back up, out, or whatever. They used to think it was too much black bile getting the humors all out of whack, balancewise and such. Other interpretations are ghosts, demons, and the modern agreed chemical inbalance in the brain, still kinda mysterious.
I don't know, where the fuck did I go? I'm a nervous fucking wreck. I'm neurotic. My mind freezes up in this strange goddamn frenzy when I talk to people, it's happened way too often lately. I just wanna relax. When did my head become uncapable of handling anything? It's a glass fucking house I tell ya.
A big part of me says it's a spiritual dilemma. I pray. Sometimes it helps. Ian's trying therapy, I hope he doesn't care me announcing through the vast and complex network of lj observers that this has happened, and from what I hear (which is quite little) it helps. I'm just so damn anxious about the idea of change. Of divulging all of this onto an unsuspecting stranger, even though he claims to be not only okay with it but specially trained to listen. Hell, I had to type it to whoever reads this. But I probably will consider it, going to a psych. I can definitely say at this point I'm more than qualified for a visit. That and I need to see PEOPLE again.
I'll end it on a good note, this summer I will be going to Key West and cruisin' to the Bahamas and I'm going to be 21 in a month and 2 days. I start serving at the roadhouse soon and will be making about twice as much money as I do now. Soon I'll be outta Pellissippi and at a real college. I haven't decided if I wanna relocate to another zone in the good ole parallelogram, but maybe.
Nighty night
once you start digging a hole for yourself it gets fairly cataclysmic, especially in terms of difficulty in getting back up, out, or whatever. They used to think it was too much black bile getting the humors all out of whack, balancewise and such. Other interpretations are ghosts, demons, and the modern agreed chemical inbalance in the brain, still kinda mysterious.
I don't know, where the fuck did I go? I'm a nervous fucking wreck. I'm neurotic. My mind freezes up in this strange goddamn frenzy when I talk to people, it's happened way too often lately. I just wanna relax. When did my head become uncapable of handling anything? It's a glass fucking house I tell ya.
A big part of me says it's a spiritual dilemma. I pray. Sometimes it helps. Ian's trying therapy, I hope he doesn't care me announcing through the vast and complex network of lj observers that this has happened, and from what I hear (which is quite little) it helps. I'm just so damn anxious about the idea of change. Of divulging all of this onto an unsuspecting stranger, even though he claims to be not only okay with it but specially trained to listen. Hell, I had to type it to whoever reads this. But I probably will consider it, going to a psych. I can definitely say at this point I'm more than qualified for a visit. That and I need to see PEOPLE again.
I'll end it on a good note, this summer I will be going to Key West and cruisin' to the Bahamas and I'm going to be 21 in a month and 2 days. I start serving at the roadhouse soon and will be making about twice as much money as I do now. Soon I'll be outta Pellissippi and at a real college. I haven't decided if I wanna relocate to another zone in the good ole parallelogram, but maybe.
Nighty night