the dream and my depression of late
A few weeks ago I woke up from a dream crying. I was traveling up a road into the hills. The road started off paved but soon turned to dirt then just a trail where I had to proceed on foot. Up thru the hills I went when I came upon an old woman with milky eyes who told me to find my boy. that's when I woke up. I never knew what gender the kid would have been. I was never given the chance. He or she would be 17 by now. I don't know if it ever bothers my ex because she never talks about it. However it bothers me, every year around this time. So yeah this is the catalyst for my depression. I still believe that women have the right to choose but I would have been better off not knowing what she had done.
Pressure from work, money issues, health worries all added to my funk. Then there was TBRU which was supposed to be a get away from all that but ended up compounding everything. I would have really enjoyed spending more time with my friends, but I just stayed up in my room. Lots of fun doing that. At least my Husbears had a good time. If I go next year it'll be as a vendor. Maybe we'll get lucky and get put next to the Bear Films booth. Heh.
So my funk has lifted somewhat but there are still things causing me pain,guilt,worry. It seems I'm not meant to be happy or rich but I am Loved, which is the only thing keeping me going.
Pressure from work, money issues, health worries all added to my funk. Then there was TBRU which was supposed to be a get away from all that but ended up compounding everything. I would have really enjoyed spending more time with my friends, but I just stayed up in my room. Lots of fun doing that. At least my Husbears had a good time. If I go next year it'll be as a vendor. Maybe we'll get lucky and get put next to the Bear Films booth. Heh.
So my funk has lifted somewhat but there are still things causing me pain,guilt,worry. It seems I'm not meant to be happy or rich but I am Loved, which is the only thing keeping me going.