[Fic] That Would Be Enough (Chapter 1/3)
Summary: “Tony?” That voice… he would recognize it in a second. He knows whom it belongs to, but how could that be? An explosion - loud, mighty, blinding - comes suddenly to his mind, and he understands at once.
Words: 3596
Fandom: Marvel
Sub-fandom: MCU
Genre: Angst, Introspective
Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: One Shot, Slash, What If?
Notes: I'm starting early because I know A4 is gonna be devastating and I'm beginning to fear it's gonna suck for some reason so that's how this idea came to mind. Basically Steve and Tony get trapped inside the Soul Stone (instead of, y'know, dying). I've been reading a historical novel about Christian priests in Japan in the XVII century, so that's the reason of the few religious references in the fic (also it seemed appropriate seeing that they are kinda dead).
When he first opens his eyes, darkness is all he sees. Is this what death is like, then? Is it just a never-ending black hole? Curious if that’s the case. He always thought either his own being would completely cease to exist, or that it would perennially fluctuate in the ether, as if it was a really high frequency sound, imperceptible to humans but there nevertheless. But this… he doesn’t quite know how to explain it, because it’s like he still alive somehow, but in a different way. He tries and move his body, but no response arises. So he tries to speak, but no word comes out of his mouth. What is this?, he thinks, but before his mind can formulate a response, he slips back into unconsciousness.
The second time, there is light. So much light. So bright and piercing and penetrating that his eyes don’t last more than a couple of seconds open. What is happening? He doesn’t know, nor does he think it’s within his ability of comprehension, because when tries, he finds himself at loss of appropriate names to describe it. Again he attempts to move his limbs, to talk, but it’s all pointless, it feels like he is beyond being in the tangible plane of existence. Maybe that’s how a ghost feels… he reflects, and somehow he finds this description to be fitting enough. He tries to access his memories, to find any trace that could help him decipher this mystery, but it’s no use. His mind feels blank as a USB stick after being restored. And before he knows it, he’s out once again.
When he awakes for the third time, although his surroundings are still a big incognita, he is nevertheless able to distinguish them, and for that he’s grateful. They’re not terrestrial, he’s one-hundred percent sure about that, because they don’t seem to have any animal or human life, nor they’re anything like he’s ever seen before. The colors are all… off. He seems to be in a valley, but the grass is ivory and the river is burgundy and there is no apparent movement all around. No wind, no flow. Just… stillness. As if time didn’t exist in this dimension, or if it went by so slowly to be imperceptible to the human soul. He doesn’t know which option scares him the most. What am I supposed to do?, he wonders, and for the first time he realizes he is able to feel. He looks around, searching for some hidden clue, but it’s all useless. I’m lost. He tries to scream away his pain but when he opens his mouth no sound is heard. That’s when he begins to cry, and cry, and cry. Until eventually there are no tears left and he gives in to his exhaustion, holding his knees to his chest.
∞
“Tony?”
That voice… he would recognize it in a second. He knows whom it belongs to, but how could that be? An explosion - loud, mighty, blinding - comes suddenly to his mind, and he understands at once: that’s how I went. How everything turned black, the sounds ended and this emptiness began. But if this is indeed the case, and still he can hear the voice, does it mean…?
“Tony, wake up.”
Maybe I just dreamt it all. Maybe I’ll open my eyes now and I’ll be in a hospital on Earth and they’ll tell me we won. Because we always do, in the end, right? Except… Except that one time we lost.
“Tony, please…”
With what seems to be an atrocious effort, he manages to come back to his senses, as if following an invisible trail left by the sound of that voice. Of course he can’t say for sure, but if he had to take a guess he’d say it feels like the first word a baby hears after being born.
“S-Steve?” he mumbles, his mouth dry and his throat swollen so much that it’s painful to speak. For someone who is used to talk a great deal, this revelation is maybe even scarier than anything else.
“Thank god you’re alive.” the voice says, and then two arms are engulfing his body tight and ouch, it hurts, but somehow that feels good too, because it’s a sign that he still has a body, after all. He was starting to doubt it.
Little by little he manages to open his eyes, and although his sight is blurred at first, he manages to make out Steve’s physiognomy enough to know that he wasn’t just imagining things. As the other man helps him to come up into a sitting position, his eyes regain their ability to focus. He forces a smile out, not knowing whether or not he’ll be successful.
“Steve? What… What happened?”
He sees his face harden, his eyes grow darker: “I don’t know. My memories… they’re missing, I think. Something… exploded, but it wasn’t just a bomb, it was something… more powerful. You… You disappeared, just like that, and then… I tried catching one of the Stones when they went flying in every direction, I was following my gut, not thinking straight…” he pauses, forcing his brain to spit out more information, but eventually he shakes his head: “Next thing I know I woke up here.”
Tony sighs deeply, rubbing his forehead and staying silent because he wouldn’t know what to say, not yet; a vague idea has started forming in his brain as hearing Steve talking, but he’s not very fond of it and doesn’t want it to share until he has more data. That is, if it’s still possible to speak in such terms now.
“You feel alright?” he asks, and again the question feels stupid and out of place in this situation. His throat yells silently in pain.
“I guess…” Steve replies, and for a moment Tony is glad that the other doesn’t seem to have a clue about their location. “What about you?”
“Everything hurts…” he can’t help but being honest, and he hates himself for it. It’s like the words came out of his mouth without his consent. Steve frowns, and his eyes betray a look of fear Tony had never seen before. And that scares him more than anything else. “I… don’t know why I said that.” he mumbles in an apologetic tone that he himself doesn’t recognize. What is happening?
Both of them stare at their surroundings, probably to avoid saying other stuff they might later regret; but it’s a lost battle, because surely enough, Steve pretty soon follows up with the question Tony was dreading to hear - one that has no reply he wants to share out loud: “Tony, where are we?”
I need to tell him that I don’t know. Stick to this. Don’t you dare tell him your supposition. You don’t even know if that’s what is really happ-
“I think we’re in the Soul Stone.”
∞
It takes him a while to have enough energy to stand up, but eventually they get moving, and Tony notices with a bit of relief that as they shuffle along his feet gain more confidence. They haven’t got a plan per se - matter of fact Tony has decided to keep quiet as much as possible, because if the theory that has been forming in his mind is correct (and the facts to his disposal corroborate it so far) talking would bring more problems than anything else. “We should walk” he had said, and Steve had just nodded in reply.
As to where they are headed to, neither of them has any idea, but after all, what does it matter? It’s not like it would make a difference anyway. They’re not on Earth anymore. Maybe they are not, full stop. That thought makes Tony shiver with anguish. Why didn’t I just die, like a normal human being?, he asks himself, and the answer that he didn’t want to hear pops into his mind almost immediately: “Because you are not a normal human being.” He sighs deeply and throws a quick glance to his companion, trying to guess whether he’s having similar thoughts or not. Surely enough, words quickly come out of his mouth: “You alright, Steve?” Damn.
“I think you’ll have to be more specific, Tony.” Steve replies, a resigned little smile on his lips.
“At least you’re smiling…” he notices, and again, why is he not able to filter his words out?!
“What else can I do? My body seems to be working fine, but we’re inside a stone according to your theory, and if I allow myself to actually think about what that means, I’m gonna start freaking out.” Steve blinks as hearing himself, and by his reaction Tony is able to elaborate a new theory: this place makes you speak your… heart? Fears? Wait… It’s simpler than that, isn’t it? It’s your soul. Oh, we are so fucked.
“Please don’t, Steve. If you do, I’m actually gonna lose it.”
“I’ll try my best” he replies, and for a bit they’re able to keep walking in silence. The landscape around them appears to be never changing, except for a square-shaped building that emerges - seemingly out of nowhere - about half an hour after they’ve started their journey. But that’s just about it; the rest is just the grass and the motionless river he saw when he first opened his eyes. There’s no wind at all, nor animals or sounds. Everything is still, as in a painting.
“Hey, Tony… Why do you keep calling me by my first name?” Steve asks after a while, the tiniest smirk on his lips as he turns to look at his companion.
“Oh, believe me, I actively try not to. But it’s like… I can’t help myself.”
“It’s okay, I… I love it when you do.”
Tony sighs, rubbing his forehead and looking away to hide the embarrassment he’s feeling. Because yeah, normally he doesn’t use first names, especially not for him. Creating bonds that could just as easily be broken… not something he’s fond of. Plus, Steve is his Achilles’ heel, he’s known it for quite some time now, and letting him in has been the single biggest mistake of his life. That’s not gonna happen again, no sir, no matter what, he’s not going to open his heart to St-
“I love you, Steve.”
Oh man.
“… What?” the other man blinks and comes to a halt, as if those four words had literally paralyzed him. And maybe they have.
Tony squeezes his eyes and his hands so tight, hoping to achieve something, anything that could stop whatever law rules this alien world from making him spill his guts out. But it doesn’t take a genius to know that he’s fighting a lost cause.
“I love you, Steve, and I never stopped, god knows how much I wanted and tried to make myself stop. I’ve been in love with you since the first time we kissed, years ago, and I’ve never been able to let you go. Couldn’t get you out of my heart even when my brain was hating every damn fiber of your being for what you had done, for the way you lied about my parents. And I despise this place for making me saying this shit out lout but goddamn it, it’s been tearing me apart for almost three years now, and I just can’t take it anymore.”
There’s a moment of absolute stillness in which neither of them speak or move, one out of breath for how much he has just shared, the other because he wasn’t expecting to ever hear those words out loud, let alone in so much detail. Then Steve catches up, standing in front of the other man, and again there’s that look of uncertainty in his eyes, so strange and foreign that makes Tony shiver.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me all of this?”
“Because… Love makes humans weak, Steve. And us doing what we do…” he shakes his head, and in a normal situation that would be the end of his sentence, because he’s the master of leaving threads hanging, isn’t he? But there is nothing normal about this, so he carries on, against his own will: “How do you think Ultron came into being, huh? Y’all got so mad at me back then, but did you ever stop and consider how that idea even started into my brain, Steve?”
“You told me why, it was to protect the world…” the other mumbles, blinking with confusion.
“It was to protect you, Steve. And then the world, of course. So, you see, that’s what love does. It fucks up your brain so you don’t think straight anymore. You make impulsive decisions because your heart is the one beneath the wheel, not your mind. Why exactly do you think we got stuck in here, both of us? Love did this.”
Tony is panting now, and damn, he feels exhausted as he has never felt before in his whole life. But he can’t stand there waiting for a reply, he just can’t, so he resumes walking, turning around Steve, who stays there, still looking ahead of himself, at the space that Tony has now left empty.
I don’t think this day can possibly get any worse, Tony thinks, but then a voice inside of him makes him notice how he can’t be sure it’s only been a day and not… what? A week? A month? A year? He sighs in frustration and wishes Bruce was there to help him figure this shit out. If there’s even something that my limited human mind can comprehend in this place. Are the laws of the universe still valid in here? Gravity? Atmosphere? How can he be sure that this is indeed the Soul Stone, and not maybe the afterlife? Sure, Thor has told them about the Valhalla and Hel and all of those other realms plenty of times, but is that when humans go too? Or just pagan gods? And what about people who don’t believe, like himself? Is there anything for them, when they die? Tony is about to scream out loud when a hand catches his elbow, making him stop.
“Tony…”
“Gee, I hate this place, it’s fucking up with me so much, it’s making me… weak.”
“See, this is where you’re wrong. What you told me… that was beautiful. This place, whatever it is… it’s making you human. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but Tony… you are human. You and I and everyone else too often forget about it, so we start thinking that you can never… make mistakes or go wrong. And when that happens, we get mad at you. But the truth is… you keep trying do the right thing no matter how many times you fail, and in the end… that’s what made me fall in love with you.”
Tony opens his mouth to reply - what it might come out of it he has no idea - but he’s so mesmerized by Steve’s words that no sound comes out. They stare into each other’s eyes for what it seems like an eternity, then just about when Tony is starting to formulate something resembling a coherent thought, a hooded, floating figure appears in front of their eyes, literally out of nowhere.
“Here you are…” it groans, its voice hollow and squawky, definitely not human. They immediately stand next each other, getting into their default attack position from whenever they’re in the battlefield, but before anything else can happen the being claps its… - hands? Claws? They can’t make it out exactly - and the moment after they find themselves transported in a completely different surrounding.
It seems to be a hut of sorts, quite basic if you can trust the appearances; there’s a table and a few chairs around it; something resembling a big cupboard against one of the walls, and two doors occupy the other two. Steve and Tony are still in their defensive stances, but the being doesn’t seem to notice or care as it resumes talking with the same monotone voice.
“We’re not in the habit of receiving… guests, so you’ll have to excuse the simple… design of this. It should be… comfortable enough, though.”
“Uh, excuse me, who are you, where are we, and most importantly, how do we get out of here?” asks Tony, a nervousness in his tone that he wishes he could disguise somehow. If the being minds to be questioned, it surely doesn’t show any signs, as his voice doesn’t register any variation as he answers.
“In terms you humans can understand… I’m the keeper of this place, and you were right, Mr. Stark, you indeed are within the Soul Stone. As to how you… ‘get out of here’, as you put it: you can’t.”
“How do you know his name?” Steve asks, taking a step forward without even realizing it, as to protect Tony.
“He… has a reputation, so to speak.”
“Great, you know me, so you know I’m not just gonna take your word about not being able to get out, right? I mean, that’s my trademark. One of them, anyway.”
“You mistake me, Stark. I am not the one keeping you here. It’s the Stone. As I said, I’m merely the keeper. It’s the Stone the one that decides who comes and who goes. And the Stone demands a sacrifice every single time it gets used.”
Steve and Tony exchange a concerned look, neither of them quite grasping the extent of what the being is implying. And for the first time, a human expression shows up in its words.
“That explosion, it shattered all of the Stones. And in order for you to ‘get out’, someone must employ the Soul Stone once again. Hence, if its pieces are scattered…”
“… the Stone cannot be used.” Tony sighs, passing a hand over his face in despair. This is much worse than what he had been expecting.
“Does it mean we’re stuck here forever?” Steve asks, and by god, his voice is properly trembling now.
“Forever is such a… human concept. You need to stop thinking in those terms. They are useless here.”
“But if the Stone has been destroyed…”
The being interrupts Steve before he can finish his sentence, and for the second time its voice sounds very human in its vexed accent: “You’re not familiar with the Laws of the universe, I gather.”
Steve is about to reply, but Tony precedes him, looking down and talking as if he was answering a simple question in physics class back in high school: “Energy can’t be destroyed or created, it can only be transformed…”
“Precisely. The Stone is bound to come together again at some point. When that happens, someone will use it, hence setting you free.”
“So what, are we just supposed to stay here in the meantime?”
Tony turns to look at Steve as he spoke, his own heart aching when he hears the increased tone of terror in the other man’s voice. For once he doesn’t think, he just leans his hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it gently hoping to transmit some reassurance of sorts.
“In other words… yes.” the being replies, its tone now exasperated as if it was trying to explain a very simple concept to a particularly obtuse kid. Tony doesn’t like that. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more… pressing matters to attend.” it concludes, and without waiting for an answer he turns away. The moment after it’s just disappeared from their sight.
With it gone, both men give out a long sigh as they’re alone again. Tony lets his hand fall off the other’s shoulder, and without saying a word he starts exploring the hut: curiosity is driving him for now, and he intends to maximize that for however long it will last. God knows what sorts of feelings he’ll have to deal with once that’s out of the picture.
He has just opened one of the doors to find out a couple of tatamis on the floor when he hears Steve’s voice, and then his presence sneaks up on him from behind.
“You’ll find a way out of this mess, right Tony?”
Tony closes briefly his eyes, wanting so desperately to lie and say something like “Sure, last time I checked I was a genius!”, but knowing at the same time that it’s impossible here: “I don’t know how, Steve. I… don’t think it’s possible.”
“Tony, p-please…”
His voice is shaking too evidently now for him to keep pretending he’s not hearing it; so he turns to face him, and does something that he would have never done back on Earth: he takes Steve’s hands into his, leaning his forehead against his, and starts singing softly: “I don’t pretend to know the challenges we’re facing, I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost and you need time… But I’m not afraid, I know whom I’m here with… Just let me stay here by your side, that would be enough…” *
Tony closes his eyes and leans forward now, leaving a small kiss on Steve’s lips and staying there, silent, because he really doesn’t have any word of comfort or that could make the situation somewhat better. But then, much to his surprise, it’s Steve who whispers quietly: “It’ll be enough…” before returning the kiss.
And for the time being, that’s all they can do.
*The song Tony sings it's called It's Quiet Uptown and it comes from the musical Hamilton - it got stuck in my mind a couple of days before I wrote this and the lyrics were fitting so the opportunity was too big to miss.