[FanFic] Behind Blue Eyes
Series: If You Need Me, I'll Be There
Summary: He opens his eyes again, eventually, afraid that the darkness in his mind could suck him into its black hole, and then he wouldn’t have anything to drag him back out of there. It’s a terrifying though, and it scares the shit out of him.
Words: 606
Fandom: Marvel
Sub-Fandom: MCU
Genre: Introspective, Angst, Dramatic
Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Missing Moments, One-Shot, Slash
Notes: When the second Captain America: Civil War trailer hit, I simply wasn't ready. The result has been a rewatch of MCU movies, dreams about the upcoming film and lots of crazy thoughts. Which eventually shaped up in the following shot.
He looks at the paper in front of his eyes and sighs deeply, closing his eyes as if to shake off a bad thought or a not-so-smart idea. But then he finds it very difficult to open them once again, because then he would have to face the truth, and the truth hurts so much, even if he doesn’t admit it or say it out loud. It shouldn’t really surprise anyone, that’s his public persona and he’s just gotten so damn good to play that character to give it up. Also because doing so would leave him without a cover, and he just can’t afford that, not right now anyway.
He opens his eyes again, eventually, afraid that the darkness in his mind could suck him into its black hole, and then he wouldn’t have anything to drag him back out of there. It’s a terrifying though, and it scares the shit out of him. His gaze inevitably ends up on the picture that occupies a big chunk of the front page. He stays there for a few seconds, staring into those dark blue eyes which often used to smile back at him and for the umpteenth time wonders how the hell did they exactly end up where they are now. He wishes someone along the way would have pulled him apart and told him clearly what nasty deep hole they were digging themselves into. But as a sad smirk appears on his lips, he knows that even if something like that had happened, he probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.
« Ah, Tony, Tony… » he reprehends himself, passing a hand on top of his eyes as if to shake himself off his own skin. He only wishes he could actually do that.
« Stark? Stark, we’re ready to go… »
The female voice on the intercom forces him out of his mind, its note of urgency mixed with insecurity doesn’t go unnoticed. He sighs heavily, and pinching the bridge of his nose, answers flatly.
« Yeah, okay, see you in five. Everyone ready? »
A brief pause, almost imperceptible. Then:
« As ready as anyone can be, given the circumstances. »
He shakes his head, tries his best to sound detached.
« Let’s try not to turn this into a big deal, okay? »
Except that it is, and they both know it. Sometimes he really wonders why does he feel the need to speak so much. It’s one of the things those dark blue eyes often questioned him about. He never gave them a straight answer, just a sarcastic, random, funny one.
That’s his deal. That’s how people everywhere know him. That’s what they expect from him. Nothing more. Nothing serious. God forbid.
So it feels kinda natural that now he is the one on the other side of the barricade, the antagonist, the villain.
Survive enough battles while playing right there on the line and eventually that’s how you end up.
He rhythmically knocks softly on the table, as if to work up the courage of stepping outside the room. Which is partially what he’s really doing. Mostly though, he’s trying to postpone what seems to be an inevitable moment as long as possible, hoping that the intercom will go off again soon, just to announce that they’ve come around, they accepted to si-
« Tony, if you don’t come down here in five minutes I think Ross is gonna come up th-»
« On my way. »
He puts his helmet on with a last glance on that front page on his desk and sighs, leaving the room.
The word “WANTED” on top of those dark blue eyes will stay in his mind forever.