(no subject)
One day, during spring, I went to a yard sale. While evaluating a pile of rusted cast iron camping equipment. I was approached by a disheveled older man… I should say in Santa Barbara this is not uncommon, so I reacted in an automated polite fashion.
“ I just bought that kayak, a steal… I’ve never kayaked before, don’t you think it’s time I try?” he reported to me.
“ Defiantly” I replied
“Could we shake hands?” he asked
“Excuse me?”
“Hands, I need to hold your hand, I read people through there hands, it’s a gift.”
“Sure why not.”
I offered my hand, and he started to rattle off a list of my supposed characteristics.
“You are very very very much an individual, so much so in fact you will never be able to forge a relationship were you truly get to fuse with another human being. In your heart you know this, and so you will always desperately seek out and build relationships… but my dear you will never get to settle. When were you born?… August 20th ah hah a Leo on the cusp of Virgo, a leader in need of attention who seeks out sacrifice, a martyr my dear. You could do great things… but beware of ruts, you tend to get tired and stuck… Please my dear beware of ruts and you may just do great things.”
It was at this point I informed the aging hippy “Thanks for the advice, I hope ya enjoy the kayak, I have to pee like a race horse so I’ll se you around.”
Don’t think me rude… I really did have to pee, bad.
Every time I think back to that day I smile. I don’t believe my “reading” to be unique, but I do believe it to be true. All of us protect ourselves by holding back in relationships… all of us want a little credit when we give something up, and all of us get stuck in ruts; and this lone man is out there to remind us that it’s okay, and often necessary, to move on.
I have a great job that I plan on turning into a career. My boyfriend, though often times annoying, loves me and is doing everything he can to transition into manhood. My apartment is crowded, but has all the comforts of home.
I am angry, and depressed, and I no longer have anything to blame these feelings on. Maybe now that I’ve “fixed” everything in my life, I’m force to finally face the flaws in myself.. and I really don’t like it.
I yell… I am verbally abusive. I should probably talk to a doctor. Creighton is my human punching bag and if I keep this behavior up I might end up inflecting some serious wounds.
In late August I move back in with Mum and Dad, I’m taking this Fall off from work to put in a semester at the local community college. Maybe this separation will help. Maybe the transition will give me something to think about other then myself. Maybe frustration and anger are just parts of life I need to figure out how to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong, my life is actually going pretty wonderful right now… I just need to figure out this next rut…
Harry Potter comes out in 6 days :-)
“ I just bought that kayak, a steal… I’ve never kayaked before, don’t you think it’s time I try?” he reported to me.
“ Defiantly” I replied
“Could we shake hands?” he asked
“Excuse me?”
“Hands, I need to hold your hand, I read people through there hands, it’s a gift.”
“Sure why not.”
I offered my hand, and he started to rattle off a list of my supposed characteristics.
“You are very very very much an individual, so much so in fact you will never be able to forge a relationship were you truly get to fuse with another human being. In your heart you know this, and so you will always desperately seek out and build relationships… but my dear you will never get to settle. When were you born?… August 20th ah hah a Leo on the cusp of Virgo, a leader in need of attention who seeks out sacrifice, a martyr my dear. You could do great things… but beware of ruts, you tend to get tired and stuck… Please my dear beware of ruts and you may just do great things.”
It was at this point I informed the aging hippy “Thanks for the advice, I hope ya enjoy the kayak, I have to pee like a race horse so I’ll se you around.”
Don’t think me rude… I really did have to pee, bad.
Every time I think back to that day I smile. I don’t believe my “reading” to be unique, but I do believe it to be true. All of us protect ourselves by holding back in relationships… all of us want a little credit when we give something up, and all of us get stuck in ruts; and this lone man is out there to remind us that it’s okay, and often necessary, to move on.
I have a great job that I plan on turning into a career. My boyfriend, though often times annoying, loves me and is doing everything he can to transition into manhood. My apartment is crowded, but has all the comforts of home.
I am angry, and depressed, and I no longer have anything to blame these feelings on. Maybe now that I’ve “fixed” everything in my life, I’m force to finally face the flaws in myself.. and I really don’t like it.
I yell… I am verbally abusive. I should probably talk to a doctor. Creighton is my human punching bag and if I keep this behavior up I might end up inflecting some serious wounds.
In late August I move back in with Mum and Dad, I’m taking this Fall off from work to put in a semester at the local community college. Maybe this separation will help. Maybe the transition will give me something to think about other then myself. Maybe frustration and anger are just parts of life I need to figure out how to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong, my life is actually going pretty wonderful right now… I just need to figure out this next rut…
Harry Potter comes out in 6 days :-)