A New Beginning (Chapter 11)
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A/N: This may seem like a lot of talking, but it's important...I promise...
Let me know what you think my loves <3
Chapter 11
Arizona absentmindedly tugged at her noodles with her chopsticks, not enjoying her food as much as she should. She was scared. She was more scared than she had ever been in her life.
'I can't do this.'
Arizona glanced at the doughnut box on the end of her bed and smiled. She wanted Calliope. She wanted her here, in her arms. She wanted to hear the Latina's words of comfort and to feel the way she had been feeling lately, not this feeling of intense dread settling in her heart. But it was beginning to seem impossible.
Daniel watched his sister carefully as her face displayed several emotions over the past few minutes. He knew this wasn’t easy for her. But it was vital to her relationship with Callie. If she didn’t do this, there would never be a her and Callie. And he didn’t want to see that happen.
“Arizona.” Daniel drew his sister's attention to him.
“Tell me what you are thinking.”
Arizona sighed and put her food down in defeat.
“I-”
She didn’t even know where to start.
“Daniel...I can't do this.”
Daniel sighed. He knew that was coming. Arizona had been telling him that the whole week.
“Okay, listen to me, Zona. I need you to do this...for you and for me.”
Arizona was confused as to what this had to do with him, so she listened to him as he continued.
“When I leave, I want to know that you are happy. I need to know that you have someone to talk to, someone that will take care of you no matter what. And I think Callie is that person, Arizona.”
Daniel nodded and threw his hands in the air.
“I know that you think this is the hardest thing in the world to have to do. And I know how you feel. It's the same way I felt when I knew I had to tell you I was leaving. You feel like it will turn out horrible and your heart is going to break at seeing the reaction of the ones you love so much.” Daniel smiled in understanding.
“But Arizona, I promise you will feel better when it's all over. You don't know what will happen at first, and I know that scares you, but in the end, it will be worth it. In the end, you are that much closer to Callie.”
Arizona knew he was right, but she couldn’t push the fear away.
“Daniel, do you really have to leave?”
“Zona, I’m so sorry. I wish I could stay but-”
“No, it's okay. I understand. I’m just going to miss you talking to me like this.”
Daniel pointed at the doughnut box.
“That is why you need her. She will be here for you when I can't be Arizona,” he met his sisters eyes and smiled playfully.
“Just, don't let her replace me, okay?”
Arizona scoffed. “Daniel, she would never replace you. There is only one, smart, caring, handsome brother. And there's only one sweet, beautiful, sexy...umm...Calliope.”
Daniel chucked at her comment and she blushed.
“I'm not trying to take your girl or anything, but I’m going to have to agree with you on that one Zona.”
That reminded Arizona of something.
“Daniel, what's with you and Addison? Are you two seeing each other now?”
Daniel had taken Addison out to dinner twice that week and had really enjoyed getting to know her. He liked her a lot, and he was happy to know that she returned the feelings.
“I guess you could say that. But, Zona, I don’t want to get too close to anyone. It's not fair for them since I have to leave soon.”
“I understand, but Calliope has told me a lot about how much Addison talks about you. Apparently she really likes you.”
Daniel lowered his eyes, torn between happiness and sadness. He did like Addison, but he didn’t want to hurt her.
“We will just have to see what happens okay? Besides, we still have to work on you and Callie right now.”
As if on cue, Daniel's phone buzzed and he looked to see a new message from Addison.
Callie is worried about AZ. She hadn’t answered any of her texts. Plz let her know. OH and pool time at Callie’s tomorrow. Wanna come with me? :) -Addie
Daniel lifted the phone to show Arizona and she immediately reached for her own. She had been so buried in her thoughts that she forgot to check her phone. Sure enough there were several missed texts from Callie and Arizona frowned.
Stupid thoughts.
Daniel took that as his cue to leave and he rose from his spot on the bed.
“Get some rest, sis. Let your mind take a break from all this worrying for a while. You can do this. I’m here for you, okay?”
Daniel kissed Arizona’s forehead lovingly and laughed.
“Maybe you can think happy thoughts about Callie in a bikini while you try to sleep. I’m sure that will take your mind off of everything else,” Daniel joked easily.
Arizona pulled the covers up to her chin and finally smiled.
“No, I'd never be able to sleep then.” She was so happy to be able to joke with her brother like this. Him knowing the truth really helped her with what she would have to deal with in the morning.
“Goodnight Zona. I love you sis.”
“Love you too Daniel.”
“I'll be in to get you bright and early.”
“Eww, don’t remind me.”
With that Daniel closed Arizona’s door around and Arizona flipped through her unopened messages.
I hope you are feeling better. Did the donuts help?
Are you up for a pool party tomorrow? Maybe it will help you feel better. :)
I miss you Arizona.
Arizona dialed Callie’s number and smiled when she heard relief in Callie’s voice.
“Arizona! Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m okay for right now.”
Callie paused. “You don’t sound very sure.”
“I should be better tomorrow if I see you.”
Callie’s voice lifted with a smile. “So you'll be here?!”
“Sure, I'll be there. Well, I plan on being there if nothing gets in my way.” Arizona hoped tomorrow morning's outcome would allow her to go see Callie. She had a feeling that she would need to see her before the day was over.
“Arizona, do you wanna talk about it? You know I’m here to listen.”
Arizona contemplated, tempted to tell Callie what was about to happen. But that would ruin everything. As much as she wanted Callie to know, she couldn’t tell her. Not yet.
“I wish I could, Calliope. But I can't. This is something that I have to work through on my own.”
Callie understood, even though she truly wanted Arizona to let her in.
“Thank you for my donuts Calliope. That was very sweet of you.”
Callie blushed on the other end of the line.
“Well, I remember you telling me that donuts help you feel better, so...”
Arizona smiled happily at Callie’s sweet gestures so make her feel better.
“Well, they did help. And I especially like the sprinkle ones.” Arizona wished she could be with Callie to wink at her like she always does. That's why she had to be brave tomorrow. Or she might never get the chance to flirt with Callie again.
Instead, both girls only giggled, wondering if the other caught the irony of the rainbow sprinkles.
“So thank you again.”
“Arizona, I'd do anything to help you.” Callie’s voice became soft and sincere and Arizona felt her heart melt. This girl was good...she could flirt sexily and be sweet and still win Arizona’s heart.
“That means a lot to me, Calliope. And just so you know...I miss you too.”
Callie grinned like a lovestruck child on the other end and whispered her good-nights to Arizona.
“'Night Calliope. Sweet dreams.”
Arizona hung up and before turning her light out, she noticed her attire. She quickly sent Callie one last message, laughing gently to herself.
Oh, I’m still wearing your pj pants. Sorry :o '
A few seconds later Arizona received a reply.
That's really cute ;)
Arizona replied with a simple winky face and fell into a fitful sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel shook Arizona awake very gently and she rolled into her pillow, groaning at the clock blinking 5:00 am.
“It's way too early.”
Daniel placed a gentle kiss on Arizona’s messy hair.
“It's time Zona. It's now or never.”
“Can I choose never?”
Daniel pulled Arizona up and led her downstairs. She was too tired to change into more decent clothes, but fear was pushing adrenaline through her veins, quickly making her more aware of what she was doing.
Arizona felt Daniel grip her hand firmly for reassurance as they entered the kitchen quietly to find their parent's eating breakfast and chatting in low voices, as to not wake their children.
The Colonel saw them walk in slowly and looked at the time.
“Guys, what are you doing up so early?”
Her mother looked up from her food and concern replaced the calm face she had previously owned.
“Arizona, honey, what's wrong?”
So it was that obvious. Arizona panicked. Her throat felt tight, her head started to pound, and she was quickly losing the courage to do this.
Daniel leaned in and whispered encouragement, seeing his sister struggling internally.
“You can do this. Callie needs you.”
Daniel’s mention of Calliope brought her back down to earth and she started to build her courage back up slowly.
“Mom. Dad,” Arizona looked to the Colonel who had laid his fork down to listen and the silence in the room was deafening to Arizona.
“I need to talk to you.” Her own words sounded like thunder in her ears.
Macy Robbins looked to her son for answers, but his face remained stoic. Whatever this was about, Daniel already know about it. And this didn’t surprise Macy since her daughter and son were closer to each other than she was.
“Okay,” Macy glanced briefly at her husband. “We're listening.”
Arizona took a deep breath and tried to calm her breathing, but found no comfort.
“You want to sit down?” Macy motioned to an empty seat across from her, but Arizona declined in case she needed to make a quick escape.
Arizona was proud of who she was. She was comfortable with her choice to be a lesbian and she didn’t worry about what other people thought anymore. She had learned her lesson from the first experience she had with the matter, and since then she decided that as long as she was content with herself, then nobody else's opinion mattered.
Except for her parents.
They didn’t know the truth and it was about time that they did. But their opinion mattered. And that scared the hell out of Arizona Robbins.
With Daniel’s hand in her own, Arizona looked away from her father, fixing her eyes on the ground and spoke before she could have the chance to turn back.
“I know sometimes you guys worry about why I don’t ever bring home any boyfriends. But I need you to know that I won't ever have one.”
Arizona continued to stare at the hard wood floor, avoiding her parent's gazes and her breathing sped up to match her heartbeat. This was happening. There was no stopping now.
'Do it for Calliope. She needs you to do this.'
“I'm...I'm gay.” Arizona sucked in a deep breath at hearing the words fall so quickly from her lips, resonating her scared, tiny voice through the whole room.
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief and squeezed his sister's hand tighter. It was over. She did it.
Arizona waited for what felt like a lifetime for her parent's to respond. She didn’t want to see their faces, faces that were surely frozen with surprise, disappointment, or anger.
She waited...and waited...
Silence.
Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and broke away from their stares to run up the steps to the comfort of her room.
Daniel wasn’t sure how to gauge his parent's reactions. His father was expressionless and his mother looked...confused...but maybe...relieved?
He gave them both a look that silently told them to figure out how to handle things and went to comfort his sister.
Arizona was curled into a small ball of blonde hair on her bed, just as Daniel expected.
“They hate me Daniel. I knew this wouldn’t turn out well.”
Daniel shook his head and searched for his sister's face tucked into her chest.
Holding her face in his hands, he willed her to look at him.
“They do not hate you Arizona. They need time to take it all in. they love you. And I am proud of you.”
A soft knock on Arizona’s door led Daniel to get up and leave, giving Arizona one last supportive look.
Arizona didn’t want to do this. She knew her father was angry. She didn’t want to talk about it with him, she just wanted to leave and see Calliope.
The Colonel watched sadly as his daughter tried to stop crying, tried to wipe away her tears to make it look as if they were never there, trying to appear brave. He had raised her that way, to be strong no matter what, to be a good man in a storm. But he knew she was hurting and it was his fault. She should be allowed to cry and here he was making it difficult for her to hold her tears back.
Arizona avoided his eyes once more as he took a spot on the bed beside her.
“Arizona, why are you crying sweetheart?”
The tone of endearment in her father's voice caught her off guard. Where was his anger? It was probably being saved for later.
“I'm not crying sir.” Arizona’s voice cracked and she fussed at herself for letting her emotions show through.
“Arizona, it's okay to cry this time.”
This caused Arizona to turn and look her father in the eyes for the first time. Her father never, ever showed his emotions, he had been numbed by so many sights of war that not much drew emotion from him anymore. But Arizona was seeing her father about to release an emotion, she just wasn’t sure which yet. He sounded truly concerned and this scared her more than anything.
“I only have one question.”
Arizona was prepared for something along the lines of “How fast can you get the hell out of my house?” and she braced herself for the blow.
Instead, her father's voice was strong, but soft.
“Are you still who I raised you to be?”
Arizona was shocked. No anger. No yelling. Only kindness and understanding.
“Yes, sir. I am still who you raised me to be daddy.”
The Colonel smiled and nodded, giving his daughter a hug when he saw a tear slip from her relieved eyes.
“Your mother and I love you Arizona. You are our baby girl and we are going to support you no matter what.”
Arizona’s mother chose this time to walk in and give her daughter an understanding hug.
“I'm sorry you were scared of telling us Arizona. I know that was hard for you. But you don’t have to worry, because we don’t love you any less honey.”
Arizona looked between her parents and smiled, thankful that she had nothing to hide from them anymore. She could be herself, she was free. And they were okay with it.
“Thank you for telling us though. I’m not angry. I’m actually kind of relieved. Now I know why you begged me to buy that poster for you.” Macy nodded at the Cindy Crawford poster and Daniel gave Arizona a look that said 'I told you so.'
“So, who is the lucky girl?” The Colonel tried to sound upbeat.
The words felt strange on his lips. He never dreamed that he would be saying those words to his daughter. He had just recently asked that same question to his son. It would take some getting used to, but he would never shun Arizona. She was his daughter. And as different as the concept may seem, Arizona was still who he raised her to be. And he was content with that.
Arizona giggled and shook her head. She wanted to tell them about Calliope, but they weren't technically together yet.
“Oh, there's no one in particular.” Arizona was still wary about the ease at which he parent's had accepted her news.
Daniel was listening in the hallway and decided to interject.
“Her name is Calliope. And she's gorgeous.”
Arizona shook her head at her parents.
“No, Calliope and I are not together.”
Daniel wiggled his eyebrows in Arizona’s direction.
“Oh, but you will be soon.”
Macy laughed. “So you like this Calliope girl?”
Arizona blushed at discussing this with her mother.
“Yes, I like her.”
The Colonel spoke up as he moved to leave the room. “And does she know that you like her?”
Arizona frowned. “No, not yet. I don’t think so at least. I mean, we are great friends, but I don't know if she has figured it out.”
“Does she like you?” Macy asked.
“I'd like to think so, yes. But I don’t know. We have never talked about it.”
Macy moved with her husband to the door.
“Then what's the problem? If she likes you and you like her?”
Daniel answered for his sister. “Callie just got out of a bad relationship...with her ex boyfriend. So Arizona doesn’t want to rush things.”
The Colonel sighed. “You will know what to do when the time is right. But don’t set yourself up for heart break Arizona. You are still my good man in a storm.”
With that her parents left and Arizona rushed over to Daniel, jumping into his arms excitedly. Both siblings wore matching grins as Daniel spun his sister around, happy that things had gone well.
Arizona felt like a huge burden was gone and now she could move on. Daniel had been right...now she was one step, a huge step, closer to being with Calliope. She stumbled over to the donut box on her nightstand and chose two sprinkled donuts, offering one to Daniel.
He laughed before taking a celebratory bite.
“Rainbow sprinkles? How appropriate.”
Arizona nodded and bit into her donut happily.
'What a way to start this day off. Who knew that things would change so easily once I moved here?'
Now she could be excited about seeing Callie tonight...
Daniel picked up on Arizona’s sudden mood lift and smiled suggestively.
“You know, Zona, if we are swimming at Callie’s, she's sure to have on that bikini that I bet you imagine last night.”
Arizona stopped in mid bite and narrowed her eyes at Daniel, knowing he was right.
Oh yes, she was definitely excited about seeing Calliope tonight...