i really dont like it when you fry.
not that it matters
or anyone cares, or will read this...
but i write this for myself now a days anysways, and i guess thats ok.
but i really hate that i just spent like half an hour on the phone with Lexi, trevor's GF, when Matt was there, and i should have been talking to him....he should have been talking to me...
i know he loves me...and i love him more then anything
but it seems like right now when i need him most...hes just off partieing with his friends...and i know that if it werent for this i would totaly be there with him partieing it up too.
but this does exist
and im not ok
and i miss him
and i miss trevor
and i miss lexi, and alyssa and tyler and every one..soo many people
and i cant see them/...and its a friday night and im not even aloud to go get myself candy to fucking comfert this instability.
i hung up 10 minutes ago..i doubt any of them have noticed...
but listening just made me want to cry...wish i was there with them...wish they would come overe here and i could sneek out and just get a hug...i really need a fucking hug right now...but theres no one here..my dads asleep in his warm bed with the women he now loves.
and im here, alone, in the cold living room..where i will be for the next two days, and then ill go to school, and come back and do the same thing, with nothing to look forward to at the end of the day but cold sheets and empty arms.
Friday is saposed to be the day i come home and get my nija turtles back pack out, and i put three changes of clotehs inthere, and i put PJs and my makeup and toothbrush in there...and my camra..and then i put it in the car and i drive down bell road, stoping at AMF bowling aly on the way picking up matt, and then to t revors, up three flights of stairs and then turning that gold door knob..to reviel a smiling Trevor...to reveal a place that feels like home...
but no, i cant even go to walgreens..
not for the vairly least one more week..
9 days till my Birthday
and alls i want to do is be with Matt..and i cant...and im losing my mind..and hes fucking frying and doesnt care because he only cares about trying to find a damn new pincone right now...nothing matters right now but what is right infront of his eyes.
17 minutes ago i hung out...i doubt they have noticed...they probably still have the fucking phone sitting opend....forgoten...unimportants.
i love them
but most of all i love him
and i hate that im capable of hating him when hes in any state
but i really dont like it when he frys....i really...really dont like it...
or anyone cares, or will read this...
but i write this for myself now a days anysways, and i guess thats ok.
but i really hate that i just spent like half an hour on the phone with Lexi, trevor's GF, when Matt was there, and i should have been talking to him....he should have been talking to me...
i know he loves me...and i love him more then anything
but it seems like right now when i need him most...hes just off partieing with his friends...and i know that if it werent for this i would totaly be there with him partieing it up too.
but this does exist
and im not ok
and i miss him
and i miss trevor
and i miss lexi, and alyssa and tyler and every one..soo many people
and i cant see them/...and its a friday night and im not even aloud to go get myself candy to fucking comfert this instability.
i hung up 10 minutes ago..i doubt any of them have noticed...
but listening just made me want to cry...wish i was there with them...wish they would come overe here and i could sneek out and just get a hug...i really need a fucking hug right now...but theres no one here..my dads asleep in his warm bed with the women he now loves.
and im here, alone, in the cold living room..where i will be for the next two days, and then ill go to school, and come back and do the same thing, with nothing to look forward to at the end of the day but cold sheets and empty arms.
Friday is saposed to be the day i come home and get my nija turtles back pack out, and i put three changes of clotehs inthere, and i put PJs and my makeup and toothbrush in there...and my camra..and then i put it in the car and i drive down bell road, stoping at AMF bowling aly on the way picking up matt, and then to t revors, up three flights of stairs and then turning that gold door knob..to reviel a smiling Trevor...to reveal a place that feels like home...
but no, i cant even go to walgreens..
not for the vairly least one more week..
9 days till my Birthday
and alls i want to do is be with Matt..and i cant...and im losing my mind..and hes fucking frying and doesnt care because he only cares about trying to find a damn new pincone right now...nothing matters right now but what is right infront of his eyes.
17 minutes ago i hung out...i doubt they have noticed...they probably still have the fucking phone sitting opend....forgoten...unimportants.
i love them
but most of all i love him
and i hate that im capable of hating him when hes in any state
but i really dont like it when he frys....i really...really dont like it...