Where have I been?
The last week or so has been an epiphany for me, in the true religious sense of the word.
I have been a witch all my life. I believe I was born to walk the paths of magick (as I believe all women and many men are, but that's a story for another time) but have always walked in the paths considered 'light' or 'white' by the masses. I've been the harm none, turn the other cheek type of witch even though in my spirit I knew that light can only exist in contrast to darkness and you need one to balance the other, I've done little more than dip my toe in the shadow side of things and then patted myself on the back for being so daring and clever.
I finally gained the courage to talk about my feelings and my frustration with a very close friend, expecting to be howled down for the things I was saying. To my surprise, the responses were in the vein of 'so you've finally arrived' and included an admission that she and many of my friends had walked the darker paths for many years. We spoke for many hours about beliefs and systems of magick and the more I heard, saw and felt the more I realised how truly insignificant my magickal works had hitherto been, simply because they were so totally unbalanced. With not a little fear I screwed up the courage to ask that she help me learn the darkness and become as one with it as I am with the light. With a smile and a hug she accepted and became mentor as well as friend.
I might as well spell out right here that I'm not becoming some sort of baby-sacrificing, blood drinking cultist loonie who goes around chanting Black masses. What I *am* doing is acknowledging and embracing the darker magicks of hex and curse, of personal power controlled by personal will, of responsibility only to myself in every act I perform. A seperate LJ has been set up by me so that I can discuss these matters there with those who share my need to learn and grow and not run the risk of upsetting or offending the rest of you here by mentioning this sort of stuff on a regular basis - if you are a serious magickal practitioner and wish access to this LJ please contact me off list and we can discuss it. If you are duisturbed/offended by my choice then rest assured; this is the last mention of it you will see here.
In any case that is where I have been for a while, beginning my exploration of the darkness through meditation, ritual and study. I am a novice once more and that in itself is a humbling thing to realise, but a positive thing as well because it lets me see that I am looking at the situation honestly. I have a long journey in front of me but at least the first steps are now behind me.
I have been a witch all my life. I believe I was born to walk the paths of magick (as I believe all women and many men are, but that's a story for another time) but have always walked in the paths considered 'light' or 'white' by the masses. I've been the harm none, turn the other cheek type of witch even though in my spirit I knew that light can only exist in contrast to darkness and you need one to balance the other, I've done little more than dip my toe in the shadow side of things and then patted myself on the back for being so daring and clever.
I finally gained the courage to talk about my feelings and my frustration with a very close friend, expecting to be howled down for the things I was saying. To my surprise, the responses were in the vein of 'so you've finally arrived' and included an admission that she and many of my friends had walked the darker paths for many years. We spoke for many hours about beliefs and systems of magick and the more I heard, saw and felt the more I realised how truly insignificant my magickal works had hitherto been, simply because they were so totally unbalanced. With not a little fear I screwed up the courage to ask that she help me learn the darkness and become as one with it as I am with the light. With a smile and a hug she accepted and became mentor as well as friend.
I might as well spell out right here that I'm not becoming some sort of baby-sacrificing, blood drinking cultist loonie who goes around chanting Black masses. What I *am* doing is acknowledging and embracing the darker magicks of hex and curse, of personal power controlled by personal will, of responsibility only to myself in every act I perform. A seperate LJ has been set up by me so that I can discuss these matters there with those who share my need to learn and grow and not run the risk of upsetting or offending the rest of you here by mentioning this sort of stuff on a regular basis - if you are a serious magickal practitioner and wish access to this LJ please contact me off list and we can discuss it. If you are duisturbed/offended by my choice then rest assured; this is the last mention of it you will see here.
In any case that is where I have been for a while, beginning my exploration of the darkness through meditation, ritual and study. I am a novice once more and that in itself is a humbling thing to realise, but a positive thing as well because it lets me see that I am looking at the situation honestly. I have a long journey in front of me but at least the first steps are now behind me.