Late Entry...
John dropped me off at the airport on Wednesday March 31st so I could catch a flight to Orlando for the conference. Nothing unusual there.
First of all let me set the background. The tops of my thigh muscles were sore, I don't know what those muscles are called but basically the front of my thighs. If you are sitting in a chair and run your hands along the tops of your thighs that now make up your lap, those are it. (Dave, help me out here.) I had been working out a bit strenuously and they were sore as I walked. Not really painful, just sore. But the kicker here was, the soreness felt SO DAMN GOOD. Like, I could feel my muscles, they are there, alive! Every step I took, I could feel strength and adrenaline.
So, I'm walking thru the airport and my sense of smell is just assailed by so much..... I walk by the food court and I smell pizza and McDonalds and so much else. I even went over to take a look. Never mind that I can't eat it, I desired it because it all smells and looks so good. However, the soreness in my thighs was still there and it made me smile, I felt accomplished and I felt empowered. It made me walk faster just because I COULD.
I walk a little farther and there it was, my head was reeling with it, Cinnabon! Oh yes, must have a cinnabon. Wait, why was that so instinctive?? I actually had to stop and think about it for a while. I was not hungry. The smell was so damn powerful, pulling. I could almost taste the cinnamon and icing, it was making my mouth water. Honestly I still have to wonder, if I didn't have the empowering soreness in my thighs, would I have actually gotten one?
Bah, so I walked past Cinnabon right into a Starbucks. Not too bad, right? Again, the smells assail me. It's instinctive, I'll just go get a caramel frappucino, or hell, I know better then that. How about just a coffee or tea? NO, I am empowered (the thighs again) and I feel good. My body does not NEED anything. Desire and need are two distinctive entities, and I need to differentiate the two in regards to what I put into my body.
Maybe that's why I am tending to push myself harder and harder as I work out. I do cause soreness (not pain) but I feel the need for the burn, I need to feel my muscles, I need the adrenaline. The more I do, the more I WANT to do. The more I do, the more I know I can accomplish.
That doesn't mean I am not bad sometimes, most of the time I am very good, and for that I am proud. But this does make me feel strong and in control. It's frustrating that I can't do it all at once, but there is where I must have patience.