(no subject)
So I just want to vent! I am so tired of being the one person who doesn’t know anything or is always the one who doesn’t get anything. Especially when her best friend is the one who does get everything that she is always wanted. I wanted to know who is going to be the mother of log next year, I know who the father is going to be, that’s no big surprise right there, but all I wanted to know was who the mother was. I ask her if she had decided and she said she’s not going to tell me, Hey no big deal right? Well yea, but yet again she is the one who has gotten a lead in every single play, won oscar AND grammy for the class of 2008 superlatives, was the only one who double lettered in theatre when I was a four measly points behind, and of course if president of drama club, and wins all these awards from Mr. Travis and Mrs. Cate. And there I am, standing in the back of the room, listening to her name being called, and me, just hoping, that maybe once, my name will be called, just even as a recognition if nothing else. She’s my best friend and I can’t help but be happy for her, but it seems like I am the one that is always left in the dust, and I feel like she knows im not as good as her, that I cant do a great job, and she rubs it in my face. I know she doesn’t really mean to, but I get this hint that she does mean to. After she wins all these awards she says that she doesn’t deserve them? Well does she? Yes, I think she does, but when she says that she doesn’t deserve them I get the feeling that she thinks she’s too good for them. Who else would have done better? Well obviously not me, since I wasn’t ONCE thanked or announced for anything that I do. I feel I give my heart to something that I love and then I get it thrown back in my face. Maybe I am jealous….yea I think I am.
Well, maybe I do suck, and I should just give up now. What’s the point. Everyone else has seemed to have ditched me for either their boyfriends or something else. “I got this! You didn’t!” well good for you, I don’t give a shit. Im glad you have someone who loves you and someone you can be happy with.
I was really good friends with this girl and we were becoming really close, and I felt I gave a lot to her and she gave a lot to me, but then she starts dating a freshman. I love the kid to death and I am really good friends with him. Heck, I offered to take him to prom when this girls parents wouldn’t let her take him. I was going to take him just to get him in. Because God knows that I would never be asked to a prom by anyone. So I walk up to this girl, and she jumps up, and me thinking that she is going to come greet me…but no, she was excited about the fact that her boyfriend walked in the door right behind me, and of course I get blown away. Again.
I sometimes wonder, do I care too much? I care for everyone so much and I would do anything for my friends or anyone, just to make them smile, because I know that I would want someone to be there for me. These people tell me that I am a great friend, but I don’t know what to do. I always get the short end of the stick and I’m just so alone most of the time these days.
All the freshman girls this year are being complete whores, no joke there at all, and the seniors who are dating them are so freaking blind that it isn’t even funny. Why would you want to date someone who goes behind your back and is a total bitch to everyone else? or flirts with another guy? Or takes you for granite? Well I can think of two guys right off the bat right now, and I’m pretty close friends with one of them, and I kind of know the other a little bit, but AUGH! It just makes me mad!
I don’t know what to do, sure I got into the theatre program at my college and I am soon to be a theatre major…of if you want to rub it in my face that I didn’t get into the theatre performance program like one of my friends, you could call it ‘Theatre Studies’ but whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore because, honestly, I don’t know what I am meant to do anymore. I just wish I was thrown into the loop instead of out.
So here is my rant of the month..... well... some of it anyways. just need to get a lot of crap that doesnt really matter and is not that big of a deal out of my head.... *sigh* Ok, Im going to bed. I have to work before school tomorrow.
G'night all