Sleep deprived ramblings
Found this partial thought written down while I was cleaning out some folders:
I remember as early as 1st or 2nd grade laying up at night trying to grasp the thought of infinity and death. Contemplating and weighting living forever or only temporarily and the emotional and psychological significance of both and the religious aspect of both. As I would lay in bed trying to figure it all out I could feel my body trying to recede into itself, trying to hide, to escape from the responsibility of life. I felt as if my sanity were slipping as I tried to understand it all yet knowing there was no way I could. I've been fighting to try and hold on to some sort of sense of reality since then. I think now maybe there are worse things than losing myself to the insanity. I wonder why I'm still trying to fight.
I wonder if humans are the only ones who fight to stay alive only because they fear death. I wonder if animals understand well their lot in life and live it for what it is with no regrets.I wonder if I should give up everything and start searching for an answer again.
I remember as early as 1st or 2nd grade laying up at night trying to grasp the thought of infinity and death. Contemplating and weighting living forever or only temporarily and the emotional and psychological significance of both and the religious aspect of both. As I would lay in bed trying to figure it all out I could feel my body trying to recede into itself, trying to hide, to escape from the responsibility of life. I felt as if my sanity were slipping as I tried to understand it all yet knowing there was no way I could. I've been fighting to try and hold on to some sort of sense of reality since then. I think now maybe there are worse things than losing myself to the insanity. I wonder why I'm still trying to fight.
I wonder if humans are the only ones who fight to stay alive only because they fear death. I wonder if animals understand well their lot in life and live it for what it is with no regrets.I wonder if I should give up everything and start searching for an answer again.