(no subject)
Well,its over now. Got home a little under an hour ago. The night at the hotel wasn't so bad and actually helped us to not focus on what was upcoming so much. I watched the CNN Republican Debate a little while I was there but got bored of that pretty fast.
The funeral mass was very hard, I just didn't look at much and focused on things like the wood grain of the pews rather than looking up at the altar/casket. Luckily it was a closed casket with a sheet over it atleast. The priest didn't make it impersonal,which was nice for them since they did attend church there for decades. Didn't really help me to not feel sad but eh. I cried when they sang the music but I had to just kind of keep it inside for the most part. I stayed in the back so I didn't have to be confronted with it quite as much.
I wasn't going to get out for the graveside gathering but I ended up doing it and just not looking at anything too much. I mainly just kept my head down. One of the people there gave roses to all of his kids (my Aunts/Uncles) and they gave one to me and two other people as well. Apprently my grandmother wanted to do that because he gave her red roses for their anniversary. I put it in a vase when I got home.
We went to a cousin's house for a bit to eat after so atleast it was not my grandparent's house,that would have been too sad. Didn't stay long since my mom didn't get much sleep the previous night and I just didn't really want to be there. Everyone was nice and all but its still hard for me. Apparently my grandfather was far sicker than we knew he was,he was in a lot of pain. From what they said he was ready to...check out I guess you could say. Doesn't really make it any less sad but I guess he was at peace with it. He was 83 so I guess he lived a pretty long life but i'm still gonna miss him.
I'll try to make some happier entries after this, hopefully there will be some positive things going on again.
The funeral mass was very hard, I just didn't look at much and focused on things like the wood grain of the pews rather than looking up at the altar/casket. Luckily it was a closed casket with a sheet over it atleast. The priest didn't make it impersonal,which was nice for them since they did attend church there for decades. Didn't really help me to not feel sad but eh. I cried when they sang the music but I had to just kind of keep it inside for the most part. I stayed in the back so I didn't have to be confronted with it quite as much.
I wasn't going to get out for the graveside gathering but I ended up doing it and just not looking at anything too much. I mainly just kept my head down. One of the people there gave roses to all of his kids (my Aunts/Uncles) and they gave one to me and two other people as well. Apprently my grandmother wanted to do that because he gave her red roses for their anniversary. I put it in a vase when I got home.
We went to a cousin's house for a bit to eat after so atleast it was not my grandparent's house,that would have been too sad. Didn't stay long since my mom didn't get much sleep the previous night and I just didn't really want to be there. Everyone was nice and all but its still hard for me. Apparently my grandfather was far sicker than we knew he was,he was in a lot of pain. From what they said he was ready to...check out I guess you could say. Doesn't really make it any less sad but I guess he was at peace with it. He was 83 so I guess he lived a pretty long life but i'm still gonna miss him.
I'll try to make some happier entries after this, hopefully there will be some positive things going on again.