i sat down and cried.....
wow so i havent been in school all week. being sick sucks i have like No energy at all. ugh. but with the meds im on im feeling a lil better. ugh im dreading going to school monday cuz im going to be so behind. sucky. and i have to work 2nite even suckier. but jeff comes home fer the weekend so thats a plus.
neways the point of me writing this rite now....is the fact that since ive had alot of time on my hands this week with the doing nothing deal ive had alot of time to think about life and stuff. not only did i realize it doesnt make since but at the same time i understand my life a lil better...weird...like i guess its like less understanding and more knowing what i want to do, er like how to handle things. like ive realized that i need to stop stressing about the little things in life and worry more about more important things. and i need to stop worrying so much about what ppl think of me and i need to stop trying to perfect myself to their liking. if they dont like me for who i am then FUcK them. and then last nite when i was on the phone with this kid i realized how much i miss him. and how like our past yah aint the greatest and how ppl like hate this kid for no reason and its retarded. i mean yah hes a lil crazy at times but o well. i gguess i jus fall fer the crazy drug addicted boys. hah. i mean i gotta be honest i really liked this other kid, but i cant sit around til he decides he wants to talk to me so idk. im confused about it but im not. i jus cant wait around for ever. so talkin to this kid last nite made me realize that. and like god i kno its not worth getting hurt again but im willing to take a chance with things even tho i kno it will never turn out to be good.i guess im jus a wishful thinker.
but on a side note to all of this i also thought about what a slacker im already starting to be this year and like this is what happened last year around the same time when i started hanging out and talkin to this kid. i stopped caring about school and ppl and like i was jus drawn into this kid cuz i didnt kno nebetter and i hurt ppl in the promise and myself really. so idk im really confused about this cuz i didnt feel like this until we started really jus talkin last nite and the stuff that was said jus drew me into him again! ugh i hate this! cuz i dont want to do bad in school and i dont want to start getting into all this trouble again. its not worth it. but at the same time it is. cuz its like i feel like i can actually handle all of this, this time and be fine. god y do i have to be so freaking out of my mind and stupid. you kno what i dont give a damn tho. take chances thats waht i say!
hmm neways on a different note. i realized what a douche KR really is last week. hm and yet it doesnt bother me and i dont care if i dont talk to him nemore~ woohoo
idk but i need to do something this weekend cuz im bored and yah idk im done here peace kids
neways the point of me writing this rite now....is the fact that since ive had alot of time on my hands this week with the doing nothing deal ive had alot of time to think about life and stuff. not only did i realize it doesnt make since but at the same time i understand my life a lil better...weird...like i guess its like less understanding and more knowing what i want to do, er like how to handle things. like ive realized that i need to stop stressing about the little things in life and worry more about more important things. and i need to stop worrying so much about what ppl think of me and i need to stop trying to perfect myself to their liking. if they dont like me for who i am then FUcK them. and then last nite when i was on the phone with this kid i realized how much i miss him. and how like our past yah aint the greatest and how ppl like hate this kid for no reason and its retarded. i mean yah hes a lil crazy at times but o well. i gguess i jus fall fer the crazy drug addicted boys. hah. i mean i gotta be honest i really liked this other kid, but i cant sit around til he decides he wants to talk to me so idk. im confused about it but im not. i jus cant wait around for ever. so talkin to this kid last nite made me realize that. and like god i kno its not worth getting hurt again but im willing to take a chance with things even tho i kno it will never turn out to be good.i guess im jus a wishful thinker.
but on a side note to all of this i also thought about what a slacker im already starting to be this year and like this is what happened last year around the same time when i started hanging out and talkin to this kid. i stopped caring about school and ppl and like i was jus drawn into this kid cuz i didnt kno nebetter and i hurt ppl in the promise and myself really. so idk im really confused about this cuz i didnt feel like this until we started really jus talkin last nite and the stuff that was said jus drew me into him again! ugh i hate this! cuz i dont want to do bad in school and i dont want to start getting into all this trouble again. its not worth it. but at the same time it is. cuz its like i feel like i can actually handle all of this, this time and be fine. god y do i have to be so freaking out of my mind and stupid. you kno what i dont give a damn tho. take chances thats waht i say!
hmm neways on a different note. i realized what a douche KR really is last week. hm and yet it doesnt bother me and i dont care if i dont talk to him nemore~ woohoo
idk but i need to do something this weekend cuz im bored and yah idk im done here peace kids