(no subject)
I feel like my writing gets worse and worse every year. Especially since I check back to my old entries sometimes. I saw the Last Song and while it was insane amounts of cheesy, it made me cry twice. Today I volunteered at the hospital and normally my shift is when we close down the playroom for 3 North (Oncology Unit). In the moment, it's like, "They're just in the hospital. They're sick and eventually they're going to leave." But after watching this moment I got this rush of death and the realization of how serious it is. What's worse is that it's a children's hospital, so they range from month old babies to people my own age.
Sometimes they can't come to the playroom, so we stop by their bedside and ask if they'd like anything to play with. Today, one of the younger girls (who is ALWAYS in the playroom, being a kid), didn't want anything. Just to watch Harry Potter. I genuinely smile, but it's not until much later, at random hours when all I do is think, that I realize what's actually happening.
I miss my great aunts and Richard's brother, even if I didn't know him well. Life is such a tease. It's like you want to be here, alive, so bad but you're so scared of leaving it, you can't even enjoy it.
Sometimes they can't come to the playroom, so we stop by their bedside and ask if they'd like anything to play with. Today, one of the younger girls (who is ALWAYS in the playroom, being a kid), didn't want anything. Just to watch Harry Potter. I genuinely smile, but it's not until much later, at random hours when all I do is think, that I realize what's actually happening.
I miss my great aunts and Richard's brother, even if I didn't know him well. Life is such a tease. It's like you want to be here, alive, so bad but you're so scared of leaving it, you can't even enjoy it.