I don't know...
ok, yeah, this is a long entry, but seeing as how I haven't updated in a while, I think I'm ok. if not, too bad, deal with it. (that's the bitch in me coming out... sorry)... you see, I haven't updated in a while because I got complaints that my entries were too long which just made me not want to post. but I'm kinda in a mood right now and need cheering up... so if any of you could help, that would be great.
**Good news!!!***
My sister asked me to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding yesterday... I'm quite honored. 8- D
however... now I have a ton of work that I will have to do (writing a speech, coordinating the bachelorette party, etc.), and I will be in school at that time which may create a problem... The wedding isn't for a year and a half though... so I guess I won't worry about that stuff for a while...
I skipped school today. It was quite lovely actually. I went and saw Star Wars: Episode III and rather enjoyed it.
oh gees... what is with this freaking British accent... I'm even typing that way now...
after the movie, I went to McAllen to help my sister look at wedding dresses... I have to say, just for trying them on, she looked beautiful. I had to keep my mom from crying, and all my sister could say is, "This is so wierd being dressed in a wedding gown..." I think I would have thought the same thing if I were her. lol.
Then we went to Red Robin for Dinner and back home to watch Finding Neverland. I really liked that movie as well. I guess that explains the random British accent typing earlier... lol.
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by the way, I finally got accepted to Texas State in San Marcos on Friday the 13th... kinda creepy. lol.
Do any of you guys believe in fate? Well I do.
You see... I suddenly came up with this idea in my head somewhere around Christmas time that no one really approves of. You see, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and was having a hard time deciding where to go to college. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of the valley, or I would die. (not literally...die...but, well, I'm sure you know what I mean) I knew I didn't want to be stuck in a cubicle all my life and wanted something fun to do. Then suddenly, it occured to me. "I love to dance. I love to teach. Why not go study dance, and become a drill team director and teacher?" (more like Mrs. Salinas, not Ms. Glenda).
There was research to be done, and things to figure out... such as: I want to end up back up north in Colorado somewhere... the problem is... no dance/DRILL teams... just DANCE teams (big difference...in case you're wondering) then it occured to me... why not try to introduce the aspect of drill teams in Colorado? *bing - lightbulb* then I was stuck trying to figure out a school... it had to be in state because I can't afford out-of-state... and it had to deal with what I have decided to be my career.
I found San Marcos.
It even had a college-level dance/drill team that I could try out for and all that hoop-la. perfect. but then I started to have my doubts... (Is this really the school for me? Is this really the profession I'm meant for? Could I really make it for the college dance team?) so I let fate step in. I did everything but the essay for the application and sent it in right away... then I waited... and waited... and waited... until the very last minute to write my essay. I decided, if I turned it in at the very last minute, or even late for that matter, and still got accepted, that it's fate. I e-mailed it the Friday before it was due (it was due Sunday) and even misspelled "Strutters" (the dance team at the college - yeah, I know... huge mistake, it was an accident though, I promise) by putting "Stutters", and didn't realize it until the next day when I let my mom read my essay. I fixed the mistake and re-submitted, but the problem was that it wouldn't be recieved until 1-2 days after the deadline. and yet, here I am, accepted to TX State. Fate? I'm thinking (and hoping) so.
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I got the most depressing feeling today for absolutely no reason... and I don't really know why... well actually maybe I do... but well... yeah...
I was just sitting there thinking... (by myself in my room during my must have "me time", as I call it), and I suddenly felt this sickening feeling in my stomach. It was like it just hit me that I'm actually going to be graduating in the next couple of days.
I was thinking... That my life from here on after is just one big surprise waiting to happen. I'm excited and happy for my new beginings... after all, I have been wanting to get out of this hole for a while now and meet more people with my kind of interests. I guess San Marcos will be far enough away for now. 8- D
I was just thinking... that this year has probably been the most fun I have had down here. I put myself out there more, showed the "true me", made more friends, lost some friends, hung out with people I thought were friends that weren't... but that's ok, because, they still gave me growing and learning experiences.
I was thinking... about the fact that I probably won't miss very many people. I'm not attached to very many people either. The ones I want to stay in touch with, I will... and the ones I don't, I won't (if that made sense). There will be people I want to stay in touch with that don't want to stay in touch with me, and people that want to stay in touch with me that maybe I don't want to stay in touch with... I guess it works both ways. I hope no one takes offense.
I was thinking... how it made me sad these past few weeks when I suddenly began to see who my friends really were and who was just putting on a happy face and being nice to me... I saw a lot of "well, I'll just be nice to Emily for now to make me look good or to use her in some way" and then the last 2 weeks of school a lot of "well who cares now? I won't ever see her again anyway. don't need her anymore."...but I guess I deserve it because I've taken that attitude with a lot of things recently, too...(but more with school classes/class work than with people... so I'm thinking I'm not exactly on that same level as the mean people or anything...) there were people I used to hold very high in my mind that I can't even look at now... there were graduation parties I expected to get invited to that I wasn't, and graduation parties where people just invited everyone and their dog just for the presents/money or to not hurt people's feelings... I figured that out when Linnette asked me on Friday about who's graduation parties I had been invited to. When I told her, she was surprised and started asking me why I hadn't been invited to about 15 people's grad parties, when she had been invited. once again... pissed off... but it's ok... because I'm already over it (kinda) and I'm only inviting approx. 6-7 people to mine... (I haven't decided who yet though)... if I really even end up inviting anyone at all.
I was thinking... There are still people that I want to sign my yearbook that I never see anymore, and people I want to sign my yearbook that don't want to sign it... and that makes me sad as well.
I was thinking... how quite a number of people have pissed me off lately... I don't know if it's the "I'll never see you again anyway" attitude (coming from both sides in some cases) or what ... but I hate how people seem to view me as a door-mat and I hate that I hold grudges for so long... and it seems that just when I start to not feel angry, they piss me off all over again. How can that be helped? I have no idea.
I was thinking... that I hate that I can't talk to people in person about things going on in my head with out them thinking I'm wierd, or taking it the wrong way... the other day I was having a perfectly fine conversation with linnette when suddenly she said something about something?/someone? (don't remember what or who...?) and I aggreed with her and said that the situation made me "mad"... suddenly her face changed and she told me I get mad too easily and that I need anger management. riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. too bad she brought that subject up. besides, half the time when I say "it makes me mad" what I really mean is that "it bothers me". I told her that was a little harsh, and the conversation ended there. (sorry, you guys didn't need to know about that convo., but I had to get that out of my system.)
I dunno what is really going on in my head right now... but whichever I guess... I just want the future to come already, and the "unknowingness" is making me uneasy/aggitated. 8- C I just want to say sorry about everything to everyone, and thanks for reading my rant of a post.
**Good news!!!***
My sister asked me to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding yesterday... I'm quite honored. 8- D
however... now I have a ton of work that I will have to do (writing a speech, coordinating the bachelorette party, etc.), and I will be in school at that time which may create a problem... The wedding isn't for a year and a half though... so I guess I won't worry about that stuff for a while...
I skipped school today. It was quite lovely actually. I went and saw Star Wars: Episode III and rather enjoyed it.
oh gees... what is with this freaking British accent... I'm even typing that way now...
after the movie, I went to McAllen to help my sister look at wedding dresses... I have to say, just for trying them on, she looked beautiful. I had to keep my mom from crying, and all my sister could say is, "This is so wierd being dressed in a wedding gown..." I think I would have thought the same thing if I were her. lol.
Then we went to Red Robin for Dinner and back home to watch Finding Neverland. I really liked that movie as well. I guess that explains the random British accent typing earlier... lol.
----------------------------------------------------------
by the way, I finally got accepted to Texas State in San Marcos on Friday the 13th... kinda creepy. lol.
Do any of you guys believe in fate? Well I do.
You see... I suddenly came up with this idea in my head somewhere around Christmas time that no one really approves of. You see, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and was having a hard time deciding where to go to college. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of the valley, or I would die. (not literally...die...but, well, I'm sure you know what I mean) I knew I didn't want to be stuck in a cubicle all my life and wanted something fun to do. Then suddenly, it occured to me. "I love to dance. I love to teach. Why not go study dance, and become a drill team director and teacher?" (more like Mrs. Salinas, not Ms. Glenda).
There was research to be done, and things to figure out... such as: I want to end up back up north in Colorado somewhere... the problem is... no dance/DRILL teams... just DANCE teams (big difference...in case you're wondering) then it occured to me... why not try to introduce the aspect of drill teams in Colorado? *bing - lightbulb* then I was stuck trying to figure out a school... it had to be in state because I can't afford out-of-state... and it had to deal with what I have decided to be my career.
I found San Marcos.
It even had a college-level dance/drill team that I could try out for and all that hoop-la. perfect. but then I started to have my doubts... (Is this really the school for me? Is this really the profession I'm meant for? Could I really make it for the college dance team?) so I let fate step in. I did everything but the essay for the application and sent it in right away... then I waited... and waited... and waited... until the very last minute to write my essay. I decided, if I turned it in at the very last minute, or even late for that matter, and still got accepted, that it's fate. I e-mailed it the Friday before it was due (it was due Sunday) and even misspelled "Strutters" (the dance team at the college - yeah, I know... huge mistake, it was an accident though, I promise) by putting "Stutters", and didn't realize it until the next day when I let my mom read my essay. I fixed the mistake and re-submitted, but the problem was that it wouldn't be recieved until 1-2 days after the deadline. and yet, here I am, accepted to TX State. Fate? I'm thinking (and hoping) so.
-------------------------------------------
I got the most depressing feeling today for absolutely no reason... and I don't really know why... well actually maybe I do... but well... yeah...
I was just sitting there thinking... (by myself in my room during my must have "me time", as I call it), and I suddenly felt this sickening feeling in my stomach. It was like it just hit me that I'm actually going to be graduating in the next couple of days.
I was thinking... That my life from here on after is just one big surprise waiting to happen. I'm excited and happy for my new beginings... after all, I have been wanting to get out of this hole for a while now and meet more people with my kind of interests. I guess San Marcos will be far enough away for now. 8- D
I was just thinking... that this year has probably been the most fun I have had down here. I put myself out there more, showed the "true me", made more friends, lost some friends, hung out with people I thought were friends that weren't... but that's ok, because, they still gave me growing and learning experiences.
I was thinking... about the fact that I probably won't miss very many people. I'm not attached to very many people either. The ones I want to stay in touch with, I will... and the ones I don't, I won't (if that made sense). There will be people I want to stay in touch with that don't want to stay in touch with me, and people that want to stay in touch with me that maybe I don't want to stay in touch with... I guess it works both ways. I hope no one takes offense.
I was thinking... how it made me sad these past few weeks when I suddenly began to see who my friends really were and who was just putting on a happy face and being nice to me... I saw a lot of "well, I'll just be nice to Emily for now to make me look good or to use her in some way" and then the last 2 weeks of school a lot of "well who cares now? I won't ever see her again anyway. don't need her anymore."...but I guess I deserve it because I've taken that attitude with a lot of things recently, too...(but more with school classes/class work than with people... so I'm thinking I'm not exactly on that same level as the mean people or anything...) there were people I used to hold very high in my mind that I can't even look at now... there were graduation parties I expected to get invited to that I wasn't, and graduation parties where people just invited everyone and their dog just for the presents/money or to not hurt people's feelings... I figured that out when Linnette asked me on Friday about who's graduation parties I had been invited to. When I told her, she was surprised and started asking me why I hadn't been invited to about 15 people's grad parties, when she had been invited. once again... pissed off... but it's ok... because I'm already over it (kinda) and I'm only inviting approx. 6-7 people to mine... (I haven't decided who yet though)... if I really even end up inviting anyone at all.
I was thinking... There are still people that I want to sign my yearbook that I never see anymore, and people I want to sign my yearbook that don't want to sign it... and that makes me sad as well.
I was thinking... how quite a number of people have pissed me off lately... I don't know if it's the "I'll never see you again anyway" attitude (coming from both sides in some cases) or what ... but I hate how people seem to view me as a door-mat and I hate that I hold grudges for so long... and it seems that just when I start to not feel angry, they piss me off all over again. How can that be helped? I have no idea.
I was thinking... that I hate that I can't talk to people in person about things going on in my head with out them thinking I'm wierd, or taking it the wrong way... the other day I was having a perfectly fine conversation with linnette when suddenly she said something about something?/someone? (don't remember what or who...?) and I aggreed with her and said that the situation made me "mad"... suddenly her face changed and she told me I get mad too easily and that I need anger management. riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. too bad she brought that subject up. besides, half the time when I say "it makes me mad" what I really mean is that "it bothers me". I told her that was a little harsh, and the conversation ended there. (sorry, you guys didn't need to know about that convo., but I had to get that out of my system.)
I dunno what is really going on in my head right now... but whichever I guess... I just want the future to come already, and the "unknowingness" is making me uneasy/aggitated. 8- C I just want to say sorry about everything to everyone, and thanks for reading my rant of a post.