Sparks Fly(Re-post from other account)
This was one of the first things I ever wrote, so don't hate.
The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You say my name for the first time, baby, and I
Fall in love in an empty bar
The way Ian moves leaves me awestruck. So beautiful. So graceful. So hard to look away. It makes me want to fall to the ground and cry.
And you stood there in front of me just
Close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of
He stands so close. I can smell his warm, cozy aroma. He stands so close, yet so far. He belongs to her. Not to me. Never me. I plead to the universal forces he won't look down to see how much being this close arouses me. But he doesn't. He talks of her, of how perfect she is. I can't let go of how much I would give to be in her place.
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
But he won't. He will run to her. He will leave me to suffer through loneliness, sharper than knives stabbing me in the heart.
'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
His face can produce electricity. It lingers in my dreams. His beautiful blue-green eyes shed light on the darkness behind my eyelids.
Take me down, baby bring on the movie star
'Cause my heart is beating fast
And you are beautiful I could wait patiently
But I really wish you would
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
But yet I often feel the pang of abandonment. I feel the stabbing pain of rejection. When she is here I hide so I don't have to see her in the place that should be mine. Snuggling with Ian on the couch, watching bad romcom movies. Watching his face light up in joy at the prospect of a night in, sharing sweet kisses during lulls in the plot.
'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around.
It's all too easy to imagine. Ian finally realizing the pain I've gone through watching him with her. It hurts too much to say her name. But I will force myself to say it. To stab myself in the heart, to make it real, that Ian will never be mine. Melanie. Ian's true love. The one who took mine from me.
'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
I'll run my fingers through your hair
And watch the lights go out
Just keep your beautiful eyes on me
Don't I wish? But Ian would flip out because I touched him affectionately. He would storm out and go report to...I can't do it again. I can't say her name again. Each syllable is a stab in the back, a slice through the heart. I would not be able to live with myself if I hurt Ian. If I made his beautiful eyes flood with tears, I would cry along with him, like I had for 13 years.
Gonna strike a match tonight
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow
I'd love to hate it
But you make it like a fireworks show
But he won't. I pray to Herman that he will. But he won't. I wish, I pray, I hope. But he won't. I will sleep alone as usual. But he will have her. He will always have her, and I have nothing.
Anthony. I am so tortured that his voice resonates in my tattered psyche.
Turn around, Ant. Look at me. This is it. She has driven me insane with jealousy my subconscious has created Ian for me. Clinging to my sliver of heaven hoping it was real, I turned around.
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
Finally. After over a decade, our lips met. Was this a hallucination or was this real? Was I so far gone that I could conjure heat, even in the freezing rain, solidity, just to make me happy?
"Oh no. This is it. I am insane. She has pushed me over. I am insane now. Shit." But I didn't care. The deep, suffocating pain was gone.
The real-fake (?) Ian said, "Melanie,” sighing heavily, “is gone. We broke up. It's over. I want to be with you now. I want to be yours, Anthony. Only yours."
"Ahaha. I knew it. This is all some sick thing my mind conjured for me to be happy in my personal insanity."
"This isn't fake, Anthony. If you can't understand my words, maybe this'll sway you."
He leaned into me with his angelic silky lips. I froze. Then I realized I had been waiting for this for more than half my life. And for once, it was just me and Ian. Ianthony.
'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those blue eyes baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Sparks fly, baby smile, sparks fly baby.
At long last, the words I had been waiting to hear came through his pillowy lips.
"I love you, Anthony."
"I love you too, Ian..."nuzzling into the soft hair on the top of his head.